AITA for calling out sister for only caring for me when her friends are over?

Tucked under blankets with a fever, a young woman hoped for a bit of sibling TLC. Instead, her sister, who’d passed her the flu, left her to fend for herself—until friends came over. Suddenly, chicken soup and sweet check-ins appeared, painting a picture of sisterly devotion. But when those friends praised the act, a sharp truth slipped out, stirring the pot.

Was this sick Redditor wrong to call out her sister’s performative kindness? The jab led to a frosty fallout, but it sparked a lively Reddit debate about honesty and family dynamics. Let’s dive into this feverish tale of sibling shade and soup.

‘AITA for calling out sister for only caring for me when her friends are over?’

My sister and I (20s) live together. I’ve been in bed with flu all week (which she gave to me). When she was sick I cared for her, cooked, brought tea, checked in, etc. She hasn’t done the same for me, but I chalked it up to her still recovering - and honestly didn’t mind.

Today she has a few friends over, and it’s a 180 change: she’s super nice, made chicken soup and really going out of her way to care for me. I went through the living room to get some more medicine, and her friends said “you are so lucky that your sister cares for you so well when you’re sick”.

So I joked back: “clearly you guys should come over more when I’m sick!” My sister’s friend asked what I meant, and here is where I may have crossed into a**hole territory…. I said that my sister hasn’t been taking care of me at all this week, and is only doing it now to look good for them.

Obviously my sister got mad and I am just too sick to deal with it right now so got the medicine and am again back in bed.. Tldr: called out sister for only ‘performatively’ caring for me when sick in front of her friends.

This sibling spat is a fever-fueled lesson in authenticity. The Reddit user, bedridden and neglected, felt stung by her sister’s sudden caregiving act for an audience. Calling it out was bold—maybe too bold—but it exposed a real issue: performative kindness.

Psychologist Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne explains, “Performative behaviors often stem from a need for social approval, but they can erode trust in close relationships” (source: Psychology Today). The sister’s soup-serving show likely aimed to impress her friends, but it left her sibling feeling used. Meanwhile, the sister might argue she was just being polite or still recovering herself.

This dynamic isn’t uncommon. Studies show 60% of siblings experience rivalry or tension in adulthood, often over perceived fairness (source: Journal of Family Psychology). The Reddit user’s frustration is valid—she cared for her sister without fanfare—but her public jab might’ve escalated things unnecessarily.

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Dr. Whitbourne suggests addressing such issues privately to rebuild trust. The sisters could set clear expectations, like sharing chores or caregiving duties, to avoid future resentment. For others, discussing boundaries upfront prevents these “showy” moments.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit brought the heat, roasting the sister’s act while cheering the sick sibling’s honesty. From questioning flu-season gatherings to sharing tales of two-faced family, the comments are a riot. Here’s what the community dished out:

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gigiou812 - NTA; you were honest but if you always expect people to treat you, how you treat them, get used to being let down.

Beck2010 - NTA. But why the heck is your sister inviting people over when there’s active flu in the house????

UnlovedMiddleChild - NTA. Personally I have a bit of distaste towards those who lie about themselves so blatantly to seem like they are an amazing person. She's only mad because she was called out for her lies and her friends saw a glimpse as to who she really is when they are not around.

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Odd_Transition222 - NTA, because your sister is 'performing.' Source: I have one of those too.

External-Paint2957 - NTA Maybe she is still recovering and that's why -- but if she's capable of helping out now in front of her friends, she could have done it sooner. Your sister wants brownie points, not to actually take care of you. Hope this isn't how things normally are between the two of you. Regardless -- play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You were bound to notice the 180

chipdipper99 - NTA The truth hurts and your sister doesn’t want to admit how uncaring she’s been.. Stay in bed, drink lots of fluids and ignore her

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Im_dumb-okay - NTA I find this quite funny because she knows it's true but still gets mad and I would do the same thing because I mean it is a bit sussy she just now wants to help.

braw_mince - NTA. Your sister is using you to make herself look good and knew what she was doing. You didn't go out of your way to tell on her. You just told the truth when her friends started the conversation with you. Sister FAFO.

Detached09 - NTA but barely. You're her adult sister, not her partner and part of the agreement of living with someone is that when they get sick you'll probably get sick too. Good on you for helping her when she was sick though, that was a nice gesture.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. I have a sister that will only talk to me if my family was around. She would be SO NICE to me. Then as soon as my family wasn’t around she wouldn’t talk to me. She would regularly make play dates for our kids when we would be around our family, then cancel last minute.. This has been during my whole life (I’m in my 40’s now).

These Reddit quips are as spicy as the chicken soup, but do they see the whole picture?

This flu-fueled drama shows how quickly sibling loyalty can fray under the spotlight. The Reddit user’s call-out was a raw moment of truth, but it left her sister red-faced. A private chat might’ve cooled the fever, but honesty won the day. Have you ever caught a loved one acting kind just for show? What would you do in this sniffly situation? Share your thoughts and stories below!

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