AITA for calling out my family because they called my fiancée a liar?

In a cozy New Hampshire living room, a first meeting turns into a battleground. A man’s fiancée, marked by her West Virginia roots and a childhood cleft lip, faces a barrage of accusations from his family. Expecting warmth, she’s met with skepticism, grilled over her medical history as if she’s hiding a scandal. Her tears and their exit spark a fiery fallout, with the man’s anger clashing against his family’s flimsy excuses.

This Reddit tale dives into the sting of judgment and the weight of defending a loved one. The family’s claim that untreated cleft lips don’t exist in America reveals deep-seated biases, leaving the couple reeling. Was the man’s sharp rebuke justified, or did he overstep by embarrassing his kin? The online crowd’s buzzing, ready to unpack this clash of compassion and classism.

‘AITA for calling out my family because they called my fiancée a liar?’

If my parents and sister say they misunderstood what happened AITA for calling them out and embarrassing them? Here's the situation: my fiancée was born with a cleft lip. She is from West Virginia. Her family is from a poverty stricken area. Neither her or any of her half-siblings were born at a hospital.

It all happened at home. She tells me there were times she lived places without indoor plumbing. Her parents had someone they say was a retired nurse fix her cleft lip with stitches but my fiancée is doubtful he was a nurse. She knows for sure it wasn't a plastic surgeon.

As an adult she's had to have 2 surgeries, extensive dental work on her front upper and lower teeth and speech therapy to fix the problems from her not properly treated cleft lip. Recently she had her 3rd surgery, this one to fix and straighten her nostrils in reference to her lip. If you Google cleft lip nose you'll see what I mean.

I explained to my family before they met her because she is self conscious about it. Instead when I introduced her my mom and my sister grilled her and accused her about lying because she had a cosmetic nose job and didn't want anyone to know. My fiancée cried and we left. I was so livid.

My parents and my sister said untreated cleft lip only happens in developing countries and not here. From here in New Hampshire they don't see or aren't aware of the crushing poverty and d**g epidemic in West Virginia. It didn't occur to them that there are people who never see a doctor or dentist in their lives or live in homes without things like plumbing or electricity.

My fiancée wasn't lying. I've not only seen photos of her before/after the stuff she had done before I met her but I was with her at the consultation for her nostril surgery. Cleft lip nose is a thing for adults who had a plastic surgeon fix their cleft lip as babies, never mind the hack job my fiancée had.

Now that I've enlightened them my parents and sister say they are sorry and want to apologize to her but also maintain they were right to be suspicious because it seemed suspect that someone here would have untreated cleft lip and they weren't aware it happens here too and not just in other countries.

I'm livid because they accused someone they just met of lying after I told them to be gentle because my fiancée is still very self conscious about her appearance and speech. I don't buy their excuses that they didn't know and I think they are backtracking because of how bad they look. Even though they still insist I was wrong to get so livid over what happened.

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This family feud lays bare the pain of ignorance and insensitivity. The family’s accusations against the fiancée, dismissing her cleft lip struggles as a lie, reflect a profound lack of empathy. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, states, “Respect and validation are cornerstones of family harmony” (The Gottman Institute). Their grilling, especially after being warned of her self-consciousness, turned a warm introduction into a humiliating ordeal.

The family’s assumption that untreated cleft lips are confined to “developing countries” betrays classist and ableist biases. A 2023 report from the CDC notes that 1 in 2,800 U.S. babies is born with a cleft lip, with rural poverty often limiting access to care (CDC). In West Virginia, where 17% of residents live below the poverty line, such gaps are stark. Their ignorance doesn’t justify their attack but highlights a broader issue: dismissing unseen struggles in America’s underserved communities.

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Dr. Gottman advises “turning toward” loved ones with curiosity, not judgment. The family’s refusal to fully own their mistake—clinging to “suspicion” as justification—erodes trust. The man’s anger was a natural defense of his fiancée’s dignity. He should facilitate a sincere apology, perhaps in a neutral setting, but only if his fiancée feels safe. Readers are encouraged to reflect on navigating family biases while protecting loved ones.

For resolution, the couple might set boundaries, limiting contact until genuine remorse is shown. Family counseling could help unpack biases, but only with mutual commitment. This story urges us to challenge assumptions about others’ experiences, fostering compassion over confrontation.

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Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit squad rolled in with fiery support, dishing out applause for the man’s stand and shade for his family’s cruelty. Their takes are a lively mix of empathy and outrage, with a dash of humor to keep it real. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

Straight-Example9126 − NTA. Don't let them be in same room as your fiancée anymore. Regardless of what assumptions they might have, they didn't even have basic courtesy to be polite. They look down upon her. Forget treating as new family member, they didn't even see her as a guest.

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Your response is valid. Tell them clearly, you and your fiancée are one unit now. If they can't respect her, you can't be in the place where there's no respect for your spouse.. Never leave her alone in their presence.

OrangeCubit − NTA - even if she has had cosmetic surgery WHO CARES?

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your family’s behavior is bizarre. Cleft lips aren’t all that uncommon and often lead to multiple surgeries over many years, the US medical system is a mess and extreme poverty is common in the US,

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and what the hell is it to them anyway if your fiancé did have a cosmetic nose job? They came out swinging for absolutely nothing, hurting your fiancé in the process. They suck and certainly deserve being called out.

GlitterSparkleDevine − As the wife of a man who was born with a cleft lip/cleft palate, I want to thank you for standing up to your family on behalf of your fiancee. And please don't believe your family for a second,

you are not the a**hole in any shape or form for being upset at their disgusting classist and ableist behavior. Not everyone in America can afford or obtain neccessary medical care and it's ridiculous that they believe that. NTA

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SoyFrijolera − NTA I would not even take her around them anymore, they sounds like aHoles

[Reddit User] − NTA - they did that to undermine you and your fiancée. It’s going to be a lurking issue if you allow them to think they were at all justified in doing that AFTER you explained the correct situation.

My cousin had a cleft lip until they were 14 and we live in freaking Michigan - it’s completely tone deaf and inconsiderate to assume people get proper medical care in the US. Even then - if they’re willing to attack her over something she literally couldn’t help, they will find lots of little things to nitpick her about.

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They were NOT right to overstep both you and fiancées boundaries, and then verbally attack fiancée on some b**lshit assertion they had reason to be suspicious. That would mean anytime they are “suspicious” they feel comfortable going behind your back and undermining you in a quest to “find the truth” - which is never a sign of healthy communication.

I would have put my foot down, too - it’s absolutely g**stly they had the gall to introduce themselves this way to her, which probably means they can’t see her sticking around, and thought this would be some big “gotcha” moment where you realized fiancée was a liar or some s**t.. anyways, now that im done reading into the situation...gahd damn!!

Interesting-Month-56 − NTA. You family are a bunch of jerks

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LookedRightThruMe − NTA, your parents and sister need to learn how to let go of their pride, and be sincere in their apologies if they want to improve the relationship. They sound more worried about being “right” than being considerate and/or kind.

Apart-Gene1417 − NTA it sounds like the can’t take full responsibility. You sound completely justified in your response

4TheLonghaul731 − NTA. Your parents and sister sound vile. Even if your fiancée did have scarring from a plastic surgery that went wrong, who in hell brings up that topic the first time they meet a soon-to-be family member?

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They owe you and your fiancée apologies. Whether your fiancée wants to have any sort of a relationship with your family in the future is up to her. No one would blame her if she said no thanks.

These Redditors cheered the man’s defense, slamming his family’s classist and ableist antics. Some urged cutting contact, others called for sincere apologies. Do their hot takes capture the full story, or are they just fanning the flames? This family clash has sparked a lively debate about respect and redemption.

This tale of accusations and tears shows how quickly ignorance can wound. The man’s fierce defense of his fiancée was a stand for love against prejudice, but his family’s half-hearted apologies leave scars. Family bonds thrive on respect, not suspicion. How would you handle loved ones who judge your partner unfairly? Share your stories and thoughts below—let’s unpack this emotional showdown together!

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