AITA for calling out my dad for trying to police my siblings emotions since he ended his engagement?

In a cozy suburban home, the air feels heavier than usual, tinged with the quiet ache of a recent breakup. A 17-year-old girl, poised on the cusp of adulthood, finds herself navigating a family storm. Her dad, still reeling from the end of his engagement, seems determined to script his younger children’s emotions, urging them to mourn a woman they never truly embraced. The tension simmers like a pot left too long on the stove, and her bold decision to confront him sparks a question: is she wrong for standing her ground?

This Reddit tale, plucked from the vibrant AITA community, captures a relatable clash of grief, loyalty, and independence. With her siblings’ hearts at stake, our young protagonist steps into the role of protector, challenging her dad’s expectations. Readers can’t help but wonder: how far should family loyalty stretch when emotions are on the line? Let’s dive into this heartfelt story.

‘AITA for calling out my dad for trying to police my siblings emotions since he ended his engagement?’

My dad was in a relationship with

Our mom died 6 years ago. Obviously I don't know everything that happened but from what I know, Sue was

But with my siblings she expected to be a 50% decision maker and someone who had access to everything for them. This included the life insurance money from mom that was split between me and my siblings. She said she wanted to know everything we had and where it was and she wanted to be a part of how we'd spend it.

One big example is Sue strongly believes in going to a good college, an expensive college and getting a practical degree. So she would have expected the money to go largely to that and not to community college or trade school and she definitely didn't want it to go toward some of the possibilities mom laid out (traveling, buying a house and things like trade school or even to support us through an apprenticeship).

My dad said he couldn't support that and especially giving her access to the money mom left was wrong. It was something they fought over. He also told her it would be up to my siblings what kind of role she had and he pointed out that none of my siblings called her mom yet and may never. She said as long as she was treated as one she didn't need the title.

The breakup happened after my dad and I had discussed more about my plans for after graduation next month (crazy to think about!!). I'm not going to college and I have a placement at a bakery where I'm basically apprenticing for the next two years after graduation. Dad supports this 100%. He's also aware I was going to move out after graduation.

Sue didn't like the topic of discussion and even though she wasn't trying to have the same say with me like with my siblings she didn't like being left out and while she was moving all her stuff out she said some stuff that made me extra relieved she was gone. Because I feel like she would have really tried to mold my siblings into the kids she wanted and made them live out these dreams she had for kids she doesn't have.

She said I was wasting money and time on baking when I should be looking into a smart degree and other things like that. She also stated my siblings would benefit from two parents making decision for them instead of one. After she moved out it was so clear dad was bummed and I tried to help cheer him up but he took the breakup hard.

My siblings didn't take it hard. They actually didn't have any issues after Sue was gone. And that's something my dad clearly can't accept. He's corrected them for being so okay. Telling them they should be more upset that Sue was gone and especially my baby brother who was only 5 when dad started dating her.

Another time dad sat us down and explained that she wasn't coming back and we said it was okay and he told my sister it wasn't and wasn't she worried about coming to him for girl stuff and she told him she had me. Then there was the day he asked if they missed Sue at all and before they could answer he said they didn't act like it and Sue was a part of their lives for a good while and they should miss her.

My baby brother told me dad had asked him why he didn't ask to call or even see Sue and my brother wasn't sure how to answer because when he said he didn't want to call or see her dad told him he should be asking. He should care more. So I took my dad to the side and I told him that I get that it sucks that his relationship didn't work out and I said we understood he missed Sue and had loved and wanted her.

I told him it doesn't mean he can police the way my siblings feel or their emotions around the breakup. I told him it's different for them. He told me she was in their lives for almost 3 years and that should make an impact and I said he chose her, not them.

I told him it looked like he wanted them to beg for her back so he could get back together with her and give in to what she wanted. And I said if that's what he wants then nobody could stop him but he still can't police their feelings. My dad said I don't understand and he said my siblings are all acting like they're my age instead of their ages.. AITA?

This family’s saga, brimming with raw emotion, reveals the tricky dance of blending families after loss. The father’s grief is palpable, but his push to shape his children’s feelings raises red flags. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, notes, “Validating children’s emotions fosters trust and resilience” (gottman.com). By pressuring his kids to miss Sue, Dad risks alienating them, undermining the autonomy he’s otherwise championed.

The conflict hinges on clashing perspectives: Dad sees Sue as a near-mother figure, while the kids view her as an outsider with controlling tendencies. Sue’s fixation on their inheritance—meant for their dreams, not her college-centric vision—likely fueled their detachment. This reflects a broader issue: stepparents often struggle to find their role, with 40% of blended families facing boundary disputes, per the American Psychological Association (apa).

Gottman’s advice emphasizes listening over dictating. Dad’s grief, though valid, shouldn’t override his kids’ feelings. The daughter’s confrontation, while bold, mirrors a healthy boundary-setting instinct. To move forward, Dad could benefit from therapy to process his loss, as suggested by family experts, allowing space for honest family dialogue (psychologytoday). Readers, what boundaries have you set in family conflicts?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s finest didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of wit and wisdom that could light up a family reunion.

Open_Equal_1515 − nope NTA at all—you’re out here being the unpaid in-house therapist and emotional bodyguard and your dad’s acting like he’s the director of a very dramatic soap opera called “why aren’t my kids crying?” like sorry did he want them to hold a candlelight vigil for sue in the living room? should they wear all black and release a symbolic balloon every week?

he’s mad the 8-year-old didn’t throw himself on the floor sobbing screaming “not sueeeee!!!” and that whole “she was in their lives for three years!” yeah and so was baby shark. doesn’t mean they’re emotionally devastated it’s not playing on loop anymore. you hit the nail on the head: he chose her, they tolerated her. and now that she’s gone they’re just vibing. that’s not emotional repression—it’s called peace.

honestly your dad needs a journal not a guilt trip recruitment drive. you gave him the truth gently and if he doesn’t like that the kids aren’t clinging to sue’s memory like she’s the lost matriarch of narnia that’s his inner work to do.. you? you’re crushing it. someone get this girl a bakery crown and a therapist’s co-pay!!

writing_mm_romance − I think your Dad is regretting his decision but too stubborn to admit he wants her back, and now he's upset the kids can't be his excuse. A part of me also wonders if she's moved on and started dating, making it real for him.

Mindless-Locksmith76 − Dear gods, is his mother still living? Cause you need to call grams over to come git her kid, he acting a fool all over the place. You already help raise your siblings, I don't think its too much to ask, you not have to parent your own father too.. NTA

Nyven-Fix787 − NTA. Your dad’s way out of line. He’s trying to force his grief onto your siblings, and that’s messed up. They’re kids, they’re allowed to feel however they feel. It’s not their job to prop up his emotions. You’re right, he chose Sue, they didn’t. He needs to respect their feelings and deal with his own grief without dragging them into it. You’re being a good sister by calling him out

JTBlakeinNYC − NTA. Would your Dad feel better if he knew that none of you actually want her back?

no_konsent − NTA. Sue left because SUE left. I know she had ideas for how you kids should use your money, in what she felt was a better way, but how could you genuinely like someone who kept suggesting your mother was wrong. Your dad's missing the whole picture here. He didn't think it was demeaning that she had 'bigger plans' than your mother?

He didn't find it questionable that she felt she should be included and allowed access to all info and money? (glad he didn't allow it). I think this forlorn fool dodged a bullet unwittingly!. She was likely out for the money and couldn't get into so had to go hunt her next victim. If he thinks he's sad now, how much worse he'd be feeling had she got her hands on any of that and still dipped!. He got away lucky!

avid-learner-bot − Your dad's YTA for sure. He needs to chill out about Sue and stop projecting his emotional pain onto your sibs. They didn't ask for her drama in their lives, no need for them to be all griefy now she's gone. It's weird how he wants them to miss her so bad but doesn't consider they're just fine without that baggage. Dude needs a mirror check and some alone time with his feelings. Leave your kids out of it

Medusa_7898 − Your father needs therapy. If such young children don’t miss a maternal figure in their lives when she leaves after three years, he made a terrible choice to consider sharing his life with that woman.

Stoic_STFU − Sue has your dad all kinds of fucked up????!!!!!! What is a flaming red flag is her pointed insistence upon access to funds left in trust to you and your siblings - as well as the authority to make decisions regarding how it’s spent DESPITE clear directions left by your mother about the money and her wishes.

Sue was not invested in your collective best interest and never will be. She was on the grift to get her hands on the inherited funds. If she had built connection with you all - based on unconditional love - your money would never entered any conversation beyond ascertaining whether you all need her help getting to and staying in school with her support - and what everyone’s expectations were. She didn’t do this.

Your father needs to understand that his need for companionship should not cloud his judgement when it comes to his children’s emotional and financial well being. She thought she could manipulate everyone into doing what she wanted - and it had nothing whatsoever to do with being treated like a mother?! It was good she kept her word and the trash took itself out.

Your dad stayed focused on you guys and what your mother wished for . He dodged a bullet - staying with Sue and compromising would have caused irreparable damage to his family. Your siblings don’t feel anything for her - going forward he shouldn’t assume that proximity will foster connection and affection - clearly it takes a lot more.. NTA

Selfpsycho − NTA, your dad was doing so well in the 'my kids are their own people department' and it is the right thing to do to remove Sue from the equation because she would have just damaged his relationship with his kids and caused his kids harm.

But i wonder if his grief is getting the better of him here and he needs to talk to someone about it. He made the right choice and while he may now miss what he has lost at least he has protected his children and he needs to process that without trying to dictate to them.

These hot takes are spicy, but do they capture the full picture—or are they just Reddit’s flair for drama?

This story leaves us with a bittersweet taste: a daughter’s courage, a father’s grief, and siblings caught in the middle. It’s a reminder that family ties thrive on respect, not control. The teen’s stand for her siblings’ emotional freedom resonates, but it also sparks curiosity about healing fractured bonds. What would you do if you were in her shoes, balancing loyalty to a parent with protecting your siblings? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep the conversation going!

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