AITA for calling out my best friend’s hypocrisy right before her wedding?

Tears stung her eyes as she stormed out of the bridal party’s planning session, the weight of betrayal heavy in the air. The original poster (OP), a 30-year-old woman, found herself at odds with her best friend, Becca, whose traditional views clashed with OP’s modern love story. With Becca’s wedding just days away, OP’s joyful announcement of her engagement to Tom, a younger man, should have been a moment of shared celebration. Instead, it spiraled into a public clash, exposing deep-seated tensions in their friendship.

The scene was set in a cozy café, fairy lights twinkling, as the bridal party sipped coffee and finalized wedding details. OP’s heart raced with excitement to share her news, but Becca’s refusal to support her engagement—coupled with a stinging rejection of the maid of honor role—left OP reeling. Readers can’t help but feel the sting of this fallout, wondering how friendship and differing values can collide so fiercely.

‘AITA for calling out my best friend’s hypocrisy right before her wedding?’

Tôi là phù dâu chính cho cô bạn thân nhất của tôi là Becca và đám cưới sẽ diễn ra trong vài ngày nữa. Thật trùng hợp, bạn trai tôi là Tom đã cầu hôn tôi cách đây vài ngày. Tôi đã hỏi Becca rằng cô ấy có muốn làm phù dâu chính cho tôi không, và cô ấy đã từ chối vì "nguyên tắc".

ADVERTISEMENT

Becca là một người đáng yêu, nhưng cô ấy có quan điểm cực kỳ truyền thống. Vị hôn phu của cô ấy là một người đàn ông đáng yêu, nhưng hơn cô ấy 10 tuổi (cô ấy và tôi đều 30 tuổi), rất đẹp trai, và có lẽ kiếm được gấp 5 lần cô ấy. Becca là kiểu phụ nữ ''hẹn hò chứ không phải hẹn hò''.

Tôi không có vấn đề gì với điều này cả. Trong khi đó, Tom kém tôi 6 tuổi. Anh ấy đẹp trai và có thu nhập khá, nhưng tôi vẫn kiếm được nhiều hơn anh ấy. Kể từ khi Tom và tôi hẹn hò, Becca liên tục (và TO LÊN) lên tiếng phản đối.

Với cô ấy, một người phụ nữ lớn tuổi và một người đàn ông trẻ tuổi là "không tự nhiên" và một người phụ nữ không nên kiếm được nhiều hơn chồng mình vì anh ấy được cho là "người chu cấp". Tôi đã thông báo về lễ đính hôn của mình tại buổi họp lập kế hoạch đám cưới của chúng tôi vào tối qua và hỏi Becca rằng cô ấy có muốn làm phù dâu không.

Cô ấy từ chối, điều mà tôi tôn trọng, nhưng không cần tôi hỏi, cô ấy đã đưa ra lý do: Rằng cô ấy không ủng hộ việc tôi kết hôn với Tom và sẽ không bao giờ ủng hộ. Tôi đã rất tức giận và chỉ trích sự đạo đức giả của cô ấy. Cô ấy cố gắng nói câu thường lệ của mình là ''nhưng mọi chuyện KHÁC BIỆT khi anh chàng lớn tuổi hơn'' nhưng tôi không muốn nghe. Tôi đã bỏ đi trong nước mắt.

ADVERTISEMENT

Tom là chàng trai đáng yêu nhất mà tôi từng gặp. Anh ấy đối xử với tôi như một công chúa, khiến tôi cảm thấy mình là người đặc biệt nhất trên thế giới. Trong nhiều năm nay, tôi đã cắn lưỡi khi Becca nhổ những quan điểm đê tiện của cô ta vào mặt tôi, và tôi phát ngán vì điều đó.

Cô ấy đã làm tôi bẽ mặt trước toàn thể đoàn phù dâu. Tôi không chắc điều này sẽ ảnh hưởng thế nào đến đám cưới bây giờ. Tôi sẽ luôn là bạn của Becca và muốn có mặt trong ngày trọng đại của cô ấy, vì vậy tôi không biết liệu tôi có chọn sai thời điểm để đối chất với cô ấy về hành vi của cô ấy hay không.

Becca’s rigid stance on age and income in relationships reveals a deeper clash of values that can strain even the closest friendships. According to Family Psychology, differing beliefs about relationships often lead to conflict when one party imposes their views on another. Here, Becca’s traditionalism pits her against OP’s egalitarian love, creating a rift that’s hard to mend.

ADVERTISEMENT

OP faces a dilemma: maintain a friendship that feels increasingly one-sided or stand up for her values. Becca’s vocal disapproval of Tom—based on his age and earnings—reflects a broader societal debate about gender roles. A Pew Research study notes that 47% of adults find dating harder due to mismatched expectations, like those Becca holds. Her hypocrisy—accepting an older, wealthier partner while condemning OP’s choice—highlights a double standard.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, states, “Friendships thrive on mutual respect, not judgment” . Becca’s refusal to support OP violates this principle, placing strain on their bond. OP’s outburst, while emotional, was a natural response to repeated disrespect. The key issue is whether Becca’s views justify her actions or if OP’s tolerance enabled this conflict.

ADVERTISEMENT

To move forward, OP could set boundaries, clearly stating that personal attacks on Tom are off-limits. Alternatively, a candid conversation—outside the wedding chaos—might clarify intentions. Both parties need to listen without judgment, a skill Gottman emphasizes for healthy relationships.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of cheers and jeers for OP’s saga. It’s like a lively group chat where everyone’s got an opinion and a little shade to throw. Here’s what they had to say:

ADVERTISEMENT

OthrMthr22402 − ESH - you for allowing your friend to constantly badmouth your SO and not stick up for him or shut her down and then turn around and ask her to be instrumental in your wedding. Becca for being a sexist piece of trash.

WebbieVanderquack − INFO: Why did you ask Becca to be your maid of honor if she's 'constantly (and LOUDLY) voiced her disapproval' ever since you started dating Tom?

ADVERTISEMENT

zukka924 − NTA Becca f**king sucks. Honestly I would consider dropping out of her wedding if I were you. But that's just me!. Anyways, CONGRATS ON GETTING ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YourFeelsMatterNot − ESH. Her for obvious reasons. You for putting up with this. Why would you even ask her to be Maid of Honour? She clearly has disdain for your partner, if she can't support you in your relationship then why have her there at all?

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − I will always be Becca's friend and want to be there on her big day. Why are you doing this to yourself?! Have some self-respect, grow a spine and move on with your life. She's not a friend. NTA

RockFourFour − Becca is a lovely person. Oh, good!. For years now I've bit my tongue as Becca spits her vile views in my face. Umm.... I will always be Becca's friend. Why?. and want to be there on her big day. Uhh..... ESH.. Becca for obvious reasons, and you for keeping such a toxic person in your life.

ADVERTISEMENT

Mac0491 − NTA - Your 'friend' is a sexist. Both towards men and women. She's doing equality, in both directions, exactly zero favours.

CatelynsCorpse − ESH except for Tom and maybe Becca's future husband, too. I don't know where the hell she gets off trying to tell you who you should and shouldn't date. Her opinions on relationships are backwards and old-fashioned, but she's (unfortunately) allowed to think that way.

ADVERTISEMENT

What she is not allowed to do is s**t all over her friend and her friend's choice of a partner...so why do you put up with that s**t? Who you date/marry is YOUR choice. Honestly, Becca is NOT a good friend to you, full stop.

You suck, too, though, for not only tolerating this s**t from her but also for asking her to be your Maid of Honor when she disrespects your fiancee and bashes your relationship. Why would you want someone who disrespects your partner to be a part of the most important day of both of your lives?

ADVERTISEMENT

That makes no sense whatsoever, and it's really not fair to Tom, either.Personally, I think Becca sounds toxic AF and am not really sure why you want to keep her around. Friendships aren't supposed to be one-sided.

CassandraCole − NTA Woah, she sounds like a piece of work. Why would you be friends with someone like that in the first place? You should drop out of her wedding on principle that someone that awful shouldn't be inflicted on her poor groom.

Ghojegod − NTA but almost an Everyone sucks If this was a boyfriend constantly badmouthing Becca, would you have allowed it to go unchallenged for as long as you have? This is an abusive relationship and it's not healthy, and I'm not about to blame you for having feelings (platonic feelings count) for Becca,

but you have to sit down and decide if those feelings are worth the mistreatment. I dont think they are and I hope you come to the same conclusion.Being in a wedding is a HUGE stress. Its hours, its manpower, it's late nights and early days and putting most of your energy into the wedding couple.

ADVERTISEMENT

If she refuses to be there for you when you need her, DO NOT sacrifice yourself for her anymore. You get what you give, and all she seems to do is project her own insecurities on you and take what SHE wants.

These Redditors weighed in with fiery takes, some applauding OP’s courage, others questioning her loyalty to a friend who disrespects her partner. But do these hot opinions capture the full story, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

ADVERTISEMENT

This tale of clashing values and wedding drama leaves us pondering the delicate balance of friendship and personal beliefs. OP’s courage to confront Becca’s hypocrisy is relatable, yet her loyalty to a friend who disrespects her choices raises questions. Can a friendship survive such fundamental differences? Readers, we’d love to hear your thoughts—share your experiences or advice in the comments. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *