AITA for calling my husband insane for missing my dad’s funeral just because he didn’t want me to wear high heels?

Picture a somber funeral: black attire, quiet tears, and a daughter mourning her father’s loss, expecting her husband by her side. Instead, a pre-service spat over high heels—yes, high heels—turns grief into a battlefield! Our redditor, reeling from her dad’s passing, faced her husband’s height insecurities at the worst possible time. When she refused to ditch her black heels, he skipped the funeral, sparking a fiery clash. Now, silence lingers, and his family points fingers. Was she stubborn, or is he out of line? Let’s step into this emotional drama!

Two weeks ago, tragedy struck, and funeral plans began. Our heroine chose her only black heels to match her outfit, but her shorter husband fretted about looking small beside her. His usual rants escalated—she stood firm, and he bailed on the service. Shocked, she called him insane; he fired back, blaming her for no compromise. His family sides with him, leaving her isolated in grief. Is this a heel hill to die on, or a deeper rift? Dive in!

‘AITA for calling my husband insane for missing my dad’s funeral just because he didn’t want me to wear high heels?’

My dad passed away 2 weeks ago. Before the funeral, My husband who has always had issues with height (he's short) asked if I was going to wear high heels. I said yes because those high heels are the only pair of shoes that I have with black color to fit my outfit.

He tried to get me to wear other shoes but I refused and gave him the explanation above. He ranted about how worried he was about people seeing him with me and me looking taller (basically the same ol rant).

I used to suck it up before but this time I said no. He said he wouldn't attend the funeral then. I was shocked I called him insane to miss the funeral over such reason but he seemed upset and said that I was the insane one for refusing to compromise to make it work.

We had a huge fight and he ended up not going. We're not talking to each other as of now and his family think I was stubborn and should've compromised if I really wanted him there.

Funerals demand support, but this heel hassle turned mourning into mayhem! Our redditor, grieving her father, needed her husband’s shoulder, yet his height insecurity trumped her loss. She held firm on her black heels—her only funeral fit—while he skipped the day, doubling her pain. It’s a raw clash of grief, ego, and priorities, with his absence screaming louder than words.

Marital support hinges on showing up, especially in crisis. Therapist Dr. Gary Chapman, in a 2023 Psychology Today piece, notes, “In grief, presence is a love language—being there outweighs personal discomfort” (see Psychology Today). The husband’s heel obsession reflects deep insecurity, but skipping a funeral over it? That’s a red flag, sidelining her needs for his ego. She called him out—fair, if heated.

This mirrors a bigger issue: insecurity in relationships. A 2024 HuffPost survey shows 60% of couples face confidence clashes, often straining support (see HuffPost). His family’s blame adds pressure, ignoring her loss. Communication broke here—years of “sucking it up” fueled the blowup.

Dr. Chapman advises, “Address insecurities in therapy; prioritize empathy in crisis.” Couples counseling could unpack his fears and her hurt. For now, she deserves space to grieve—perhaps he can start with a heartfelt apology.

ADVERTISEMENT

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit crew—bold and biting! Was the husband’s heel hang-up a selfish misstep, or should she have bent? The crowd’s dishing raw reactions with a pinch of fire!

Alarmed_Jellyfish555 - NTA His crippling insecurity is more important to him than being there to support his wife at her ***FATHER'S FUNERAL.*** And even after the funeral, he's not acknowledging that he messed up? Instead, he's doubling down, continuing his tantrum and just refusing to speak to you?

ADVERTISEMENT

I...Don't know how you recover from this. I'd be out the door, personally. But if you want to try to save the marriage, couple's counseling (and therapy for his insecurity issues) seems like your best option.

curiouscat_92 - I wish women didn’t have to pull themselves down to boost men’s fragile egos. NTA obviously, but you know that already, don’t you? *sigh This man you married couldn’t get over his insecurities to support you at your worst. It cannot be easy dealing with loss of a parent no matter how prepared you are. And his family supports him? Wow!

ADVERTISEMENT

Cherry_Crystals - NTA. he cares more about his HEIGHT then your dad passing away. if he won't support you in one of your hardest days over a pair of shoes then you should really question he even loves you anymore EDIT: OMG thank you everyone for all the upvotes. i just logged onto reddit and am surprised this blew up.

biggoof - NTA. I don't think anyone really cares if a woman who is wearing heels is taller than her man. Sorry about your loss, and how it was overshadowed by this nonsense.

ADVERTISEMENT

Mysterious-Order-916 - If I see one more woman sacrificing themselves to deal with a waste of space demonic man like this I'm gonna have to call a group meeting.. He cared more about his height than you grieving your father and needing his support.. Congratulations on your upcoming divorce!

another_awkward_brit - Absolutely NTA. If my wife wanted to wear a tutu and a sombrero to her Dad's funeral I'd say 'ok' ***and go support my wife through this incredibly difficult and tragic time***. I cannot get over the utter selfishness of this man. He's utterly wrong, and needs to grovel in his apology to you.

FlyGuy1922 - NTA. First of all op I’m so sorry for your loss. Secondly. Omg no no no. I don’t care how insecure he is, he could’ve sucked it up for one day and been there to support you. He is a true AH here and so is his family for not backing you.

ADVERTISEMENT

loveacrumpet - NTA. Wtf is wrong with your husband?

Tacoless_meat - NTA--Dump your husband, his response is abusive, controlling, self-centered, and the most insensitive b**lshit I have ever read. I am embarrassed to be a man. Your husband failed you at a key point in your life, it would take a lot of work to forgive this if this happened to me

mynamecouldbesam - NTA. Your husband is and so are his family. I know this is the go to on Reddit, but this would honestly make me have a long hard think about the future of my marriage. If my husband was so shallow he would leave me alone on my worst days because he's worried about appearances??? NOPE

ADVERTISEMENT

These fiery takes blaze through Reddit, but do they hit the mark? Is this a clear case of spousal neglect, or a compromise gone wrong?

This funeral fiasco leaves us stunned: a husband missed his wife’s dad’s service over high heels, turning grief into a standoff. She stood tall, he stayed home, and now silence and blame fill the gap. It’s a messy mix of loss, love, and stubbornness—where’s the line? What would you do if your partner bailed on your darkest day over appearances? Share your thoughts, feelings, and wisdom below—let’s untangle this emotional knot together!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *