AITA for calling my gf gross?

Picture this: a cozy apartment, two lovebirds enjoying a rare three-day stretch together, the sun peeking through the curtains to signal a lazy morning. A 23-year-old guy and his girlfriend, Laila, 22, are basking in the glow of a six-month romance that’s been nothing short of delightful. But then, a splash of cold water—well, actually, the lack of it—turns this idyllic scene into a battlefield. When Laila returns from a quick work errand and hops in the shower, her boyfriend notices her long, flowing hair, nearly grazing her hips, emerges bone-dry. A casual quip about forgetting something spirals into a heated debate about hair-washing habits, ending with hurt feelings and a locked door.

What started as a simple misunderstanding ballooned into a question of hygiene, respect, and maybe even relationship survival. Was calling her “gross” a fair jab, or a messy misstep? Readers, you’re not alone in wondering—emotions are running high, and the Reddit community has plenty to say. Let’s dive into this hairy situation and untangle the drama, strand by strand.

‘AITA for calling my gf gross?’

I am (23M) and I have been with my gf 'Laila' (22F) for 6 months. Everything has been really great so far. But 2 days ago, I stayed for a few days with Laila in her apartment (which she shares with 2 roommates, all women.) Also I have to note that Laila has long hair, almost down to her b**t, but not quite.

We both had 3 days off and her roommates went to go stay with their family for a week (I think they're sisters?) Anyway they gave us the okay for me to stay at their place for 3 days. Well, the second morning, Laila was called into work for just a couple of hours to help with something that her coworkers weren't trained for yet.

Anyway, she went and then came back and took a shower. When she got out, I noticed that her hair was still dry and she didn't wash it. 'Forget something?' I asked. She looked confused so I told her that she didn't wash her hair.

Laila just laughed and explained to me that she just washed her hair yesterday.. Me: 'So? You aren't going to wash it today?'. Her: '...no? You aren't supposed to wash your hair every day.'. Me 'says who? I wash my hair every day.'

Her 'yeah but you have very short hair. It's a known fact that washing your hair every day is not good for it.' At this point I was very skeptical as this sounds made up and just an excuse to be lazy. You would think, if you have longer hair then that's more of a reason to wash it more often.

So I asked her how often she wishes her hair and she said 'twice a week' at which point I told her that she was gross and she got very upset and locked herself in her room. She didn't come out for a long time so I just left and went home.

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She hasn't answered my calls or spoken to me since. I asked my friends, and they seen split. My sister and 2 of friends told me that I was the a**hole, but 2 of my other friends said that I'm in the right and it sounds weird that she doesn't wash her hair daily. So, AITA?

Navigating a relationship can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield, especially when hygiene habits clash. This spat between our 23-year-old Redditor and Laila highlights a classic case of mismatched expectations. He’s baffled by her twice-weekly hair-washing routine, while she defends it as standard for long locks. He sees laziness; she sees science. The tension? It’s less about shampoo and more about respect—or the lack of it—when he branded her “gross.”

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Let’s widen the lens: hair care isn’t one-size-fits-all. Long hair, like Laila’s, often demands gentler treatment. Overwashing can strip natural oils, leaving strands brittle and prone to breakage. A 2019 article from Healthline notes, “For some people, washing every day can cause dryness, frizz, and damage, especially for longer or textured hair” (source).

Dr. Angela Lamb, a dermatologist quoted in a 2021 Allure piece, explains, “Shampooing frequency depends on hair type, scalp oiliness, and lifestyle. For many, two to three times a week is ideal, particularly for longer hair” (source). Applied here, Laila’s routine aligns with expert wisdom, while her boyfriend’s daily habit suits his shorter cut. His “gross” jab, though, misses the mark—sounding more like a snap judgment than a sudsy critique.

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So, what’s the fix? First, a heartfelt apology for the harsh word could rinse away some hurt. Open a chat: ask Laila about her routine, maybe even Google hair care together.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back—here’s a batch of spicy, candid takes, served with a side of humor. Grab your popcorn as these opinions wash over the drama!

KarmaRan0verMyDogma − YTA and probably think women can't pee with a tampon in.

snowwhitesludge − YTA and just wrong. It isn't good for your hair to wash it every day, especially if she isn't doing physical activity or anything.. A single, quick, Google search could have educated you on this.

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[Reddit User] − Ah yes, because every person has the exact same hair care needs. How did I never pick up on that before?!. Imagine being 23 and not realising people take care of their hair differently. Madness.. YTA.

lihzee − YTA. Very rude and judgmental about something you clearly know nothing about.

reverendunclebastard − YTA. Welcome to single life.

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Business_Meat_9191 − YTA - Almost every girl knows not to wash their hair everyday. It's not her fault you're ignorant.

[Reddit User] − yes YTA you should attempt to be more knowledgeable or at least open minded about other genders before entering another relationship with a woman. this is giving ‘mansplaining’ vibes

KaliTheBlaze − YTA, rude and wrong! It’s hard on long hair to wash it often. Part of how one gets healthy long hair is often not washing it often. Most modern shampoos strip a lot of moisture, and it’s better to strip less often rather than strip and replace daily.

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Not to mention, hair is much more fragile when wet, so washing daily = more broken and splitting strands. Twice a week is a perfectly normal amount of washes for a long haired person, especially if they aren’t working manual labor and getting really grimy/sweaty every day.

travisbickle777 − Everything has been really great so far. YTA. You couldn't deduce that you had no problem with her personal hygiene for 6 months, and that's how she's been living her life, and realize that's her bathing routine?

Anxious_Bun − Wow, YTA. And good luck finding anyone who washes their hair every day 🙄

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These hot takes from Reddit land with flair, but do they lather up to reality? Maybe the truth lies somewhere between the suds and the sass.

This tale of hair, hurt, and hasty words leaves us pondering: a simple shower sparked a rift, but was “gross” too harsh a rinse? Our Redditor’s skepticism clashed with Laila’s logic, and now silence lingers where laughter once bubbled. Relationships thrive on understanding, not ultimatums—perhaps a splash of empathy could’ve kept this couple’s vibe squeaky clean. The Reddit crowd leaned hard one way, but the mirror reflects both sides. What would you do if you found yourself in this sudsy standoff? Drop your thoughts, experiences, or hair-care hacks below—let’s untangle this drama together!

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