AITA for calling my fiance delusional and not letting him punish my son?

In a home already bustling with three kids, a mother’s fiancé decided to play mind games, setting “tests” to trap her children into missteps. When her 14-year-old son “failed” a fake dollar hunt and faced harsh punishment, she called her fiancé delusional and blocked his discipline plan, igniting a fiery clash. This Reddit saga asks: was her stand for her kids righteous, or is she enabling bad behavior?

This story resonates with anyone grappling with blended family dynamics or overzealous parenting tactics. Reddit’s sounding alarms over the fiancé’s methods, but is her response enough? Let’s unpack this manipulative mess, dive into expert insights, and hear the community’s verdict.

‘AITA for calling my fiance delusional and not letting him punish my son?’

My fiance (40m) and I (36f) have been together for 2 years.I have 3 kids from my former marriage (7), (11), & (14). My fiance loves them and treats them as his own but he constantly complains about certain behaviors and says that the kids lack 'some forms of descipline'.

I never understood what he meant but mind you he's a teacher and can take this whole descpline thing a bit far. I noticed that he's been doing some 'tests' lately to see how they'd act in certain situations. For example, he once left his journal lying around to see if any of my kids would snoop, he also would leave money lying around to see who'd touch it.

Or even lie saying 'who wants skittles?' to see if any of the kids would come to him downstairs. The recent one (that I wasn't aware of til later) was yesterday. He told the kids that he lost a 'dollar' from his pocket and offered 10 dollars to whoever finds it. The kids began searching the house for an hour.

My 7 & 11 year olds couldn't find a thing, but my 14 year old went to my fiance and told him he found the dollar and gave it to him. My fiance lost it and started yelling 'Aaaa gotcha now!'. My son was confused. Turns out, my fiance didn't lose any money and lied about the dollar to see how the kids would react.

My son obviously had 'faild' because he pretended to have found the dollar but in reality he took it from his allowance and gave it to my fiance hoping to get that 10 dollars. My fiance said that because of my son's dishonesty and greed, he'll punish him by taking all his allowance for the month as well as electronics being taken away for a week!

I got into an argument with him and called him delusional because those mind games were getting ridiculous and besides, it's not like my son stole anything from him, he just failed his stupid test and kids make mistakes and learn. He still talked about how this is about principles and that he's trying to teach my kids to become decdnt adults, but I thought this has gone too far.

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I refused to let him punish him now he's calling me an enabler and said that this attitude won't be of much help when we get married because it undermines his authority as a parent, and enables unacceptable behaviors from my kids. He said and I qoute 'I will not tolerate having greedy and dishonest individuals live under my roof'.

This family conflict lays bare the dangers of manipulative parenting. Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes in Psychology Today that “setting traps to test children’s honesty creates mistrust and anxiety, undermining healthy development.” The fiancé’s “tests”—from baiting with journals to faking lost money—aren’t discipline but psychological games that erode trust. His harsh reaction to the son’s ploy for the $10 reward shows a focus on control, not growth, risking long-term emotional harm.

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The clash pits the mother’s protective instincts against the fiancé’s authoritarian approach. A 2022 study in the Journal of Child Psychology found that manipulative discipline tactics, like entrapment, can lead to insecurity and resentment in kids, especially in blended families. The fiancé’s claim that the mother “enables” dishonesty ignores her son’s age-appropriate mistake and the test’s unfair setup.

Dr. Heitler advises prioritizing open communication and consistent, fair discipline over traps. The mother’s refusal to allow punishment was a strong start, but addressing the fiancé’s behavior directly—perhaps with counseling—could prevent escalation. For others, setting clear boundaries with partners on parenting roles is key.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, slamming the fiancé’s mind games with fierce calls to protect the kids. Here’s what they had to say:

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Standard-Park - YTA. For allowing him to emotionally abuse your children.. Edit: Wow, thank you for all the awards kind Redditors.

CONTINUAR2 - ESH. He's manipulating your children.. You're letting him.

Misha2468 - You are TA if you stay with him. These are your kids and his tests are psychologically damaging. Imagine how your kids feel - they are probably on egg shells because of the antics of your fiancé. This is not only going to lead to issues for them, but you could end up in court with your ex.. Nip this in the bud and send that man packing.

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BitiumRibbon - he constantly complains about certain behaviors and says that the kids lack 'some forms of descipline'. I never understood what he meant but mind you he's a teacher and can take this whole descpline thing a bit far. Speaking as a teacher myself, without having read the rest of your post yet, I'm sitting here with a couple of red flags waving in my face already.

But let me see. he once left his journal lying around to see if any of my kids would snoop, he also would leave money lying around to see who'd touch it. Or even lie saying 'who wants skittles?' to see if any of the kids would come to him downstairs.. So...in other words he's baselessly and causelessly being a manipulative \[expletive\]. Got it. Holy tree stumps.

He told the kids that he lost a 'dollar' from his pocket and offered 10 dollars to whoever finds it. The kids began searching the house for an hour. My 7 & 11 year olds couldn't find a thing, but my 14 year old went to my fiance and told him he found the dollar and gave it to him. My fiance lost it and started yelling 'Aaaa gotcha now!'. What is wrong with this man?

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I got into an argument with him and called him delusional because those mind games were getting ridiculous and besides, it's not like my son stole anything from him, he just failed his stupid test and kids make mistakes and learn.. Yeah, that last line right there is what makes me very concerned for your fiancé's students.

As I said, I'm also a teacher. In this line of work, you tend to see the adults divide into two camps: the ones who are there for the kids, and the ones who are not. The ones who are there for the kids are the ones looking for the positives, giving kids opportunities to succeed, setting them up to be as confident and successful as possible.

The other ones...well, they assume exclusively negative intentions from kids, try to trip them up or trick them, and constantly compete to be right. They get off on control and authority and have no real respect for the fact that their students are human beings. Your husband appears to be in that second camp, and I really, really don't like it.

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He's expecting--maybe even perversely wanting--your kids to fail, and setting them up so they have virtually no choice but to meet that expectation every time. He still talked about how this is about principles and that he's trying to teach my kids to become decdnt adults. That's rich, coming from someone who clearly hasn't passed that benchmark himself..

He said and I qoute 'I will not tolerate having greedy and dishonest individuals live under my roof'.. And if I were you, my response would be 'neither will I. Pack your bags.' Seriously. This abusive a**hole either has to fix himself or go, before he does some real damage to your kids. Protect them. **NTA.**

Significant_Rule_855 - YTA for letting him play these mind games with your kids and it putting a stop to it right when it started. What is wrong with you? Do you want your kids to feel unsafe in their own home?

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Is getting married really more important than your children’s safety and well being? I’m so disgusted you’ve let this go on for god knows how long. Why are you letting him abuse your children? And yes playing mind games and trying to purposely s**ew with their heads is abuse.

Minimum-Green5187 - As You typed this out, did you not realize how insane this man is and dangerous to have around your children? By the time you hit post, he should have been your Ex-fiancé

SmallTownAttorney - So N T A for telling him he's delusional but YTA for continuing to be with him and letting him treat your kids like this. Are you so desperate to be with someone you would tolerate them psychologically abusing your kids? Get your act together and get rid of him already.

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[Reddit User] - Your fiancé is a p**cho

mii_mo - Please do not marry this man. Please get him away from your children. My stepmother used to 'test' my sister and I like that and the older we got, the more severe the punishments were. I am 24 years old and I am still so traumatized,

I need medication and life long therapy to deal with what she put me through and I blame my dad a lot for letting me go through it.. Please don't do that to your kids. Please leave.. NTA as long as you realize you need to protect your kids.

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Slight-Bar-534 - NTA.. 1. Fiance was saying ' find me a dollar and I'll give you ten dollars'. Hell, your kid is brilliant.. These tests are a**hole-ish. Lose the fiance or you will lose your kids when they leave home. He might love them, but the tests are cruel. J**kwad

These heated takes urge the mother to ditch the fiancé, but do they overlook her efforts to push back? The fiancé’s “greedy and dishonest” label stings—control freak or concerned parent?

This tale of tests and tantrums reveals how discipline can cross into manipulation. The mother’s stand against her fiancé’s punishment was a shield for her son, but is staying with him risking more harm? Should she demand change or cut ties? How do you handle clashing parenting styles in blended families? Drop your stories and thoughts below—let’s keep this urgent debate alive!

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