AITA for calling my dad and now husband out at their engagement party than missing their wedding because I refuse to apologise?

A family gathering meant to sparkle with joy turned into a battlefield of raw emotions for one teenager. At just 16, he stood in a crowded room, the clinking of champagne glasses drowned out by his father’s biting words about his mother. The air grew heavy with tension as old wounds ripped open, exposing a history of deception and hurt. This wasn’t just a party—it was a moment that would redefine a son’s relationship with his father forever.

Caught between loyalty to his mother and the pressure to play nice, the teen faced a choice: stay silent or speak his truth. His decision sent shockwaves through the room, leaving guests stunned and his father in tears. What unfolded at this engagement party wasn’t just a family spat—it was a bold stand against years of betrayal, sparking a debate about loyalty, honesty, and the cost of speaking out.

‘AITA for calling my dad and now husband out at their engagement party than missing their wedding because I refuse to apologise?’

So I’m at a bus stop and my phones at 2% so if this seems rushed it is but I’ll fix it when I get home. So I (16m) have divorced parents due to the fact my dad married my mother so he could get his hands on my grandparents money. My grandparents were born super rich and super conservative grandma died in 2019 than grandpa died in January 2021 than my dad came out as gay.

The day he came to us (me and mom) he sat us down and told us basically everything literally not once did apologise to my mother or care about her feelings. all we got was “you wouldn’t understand” or “he had to”. He went travelling the world after that judging by his social media because beyond a birthday text and to tell me he was engaged I never spoke to him.

He turned very bitter against my mother because she didn’t support him and she got a lot in the divorce. Recently he came back to his husbands home town to get married and after a lot of convincing I went to see him. everyone was super nice even the side pieces family/friends.

That was till the engagement party my dad and his new in laws started cracking jokes about my mother even said I’m lucky I look like my dad. What really got to me is when dad said after years of living in sorrow the last year was the best part of his life and if he should have made mom sign a prenup.

So I said “I suppose she never thought you’d be a lying manipulative cheat and a dead beat dad but you’re the victim here dad no one’s feelings matter but yours! The least you could do was give her half my grandparents money after wasting years of her life and mine too because after tonight you’re as dead to me as your side pieces self respect”.

S**t went down dad started crying trying to explain his reasons and his husband left the room looking upset than his family started yelling at me than my dad side started yelling at them so I just got my s**t and told dad never contact me again.

ADVERTISEMENT

I spent two days at my cousins house my dad came multiple times trying to get me to go but when he told me I had to publicly apologise to his husband/in-laws I told him f**k off. My cousin who I was staying with kept trying to make me apologise and make up with dad even dads husband begged me to go but I just went to the nearest bus stop.

My cousin and aunt told me I’m heartless because dad cried at one point during the wedding a friend of mine told me I was wrong because I don’t understand what it’s like to be gay nor do I know their struggles. Edit to fix typos.

ADVERTISEMENT

Family secrets can tear relationships apart like a slow-burning fuse, and this teen’s story is a textbook case. The father’s decision to mock his ex-wife in front of their son wasn’t just tactless—it was a betrayal of trust. The teen’s outburst, while explosive, stemmed from years of unresolved pain and a need to defend his mother’s dignity.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, once noted, “Trust is built in very small moments, which I call ‘sliding door’ moments” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, the father’s choice to belittle his ex-wife slammed that door shut, leaving the son to grapple with a fractured bond. The teen’s reaction, though heated, reflects a natural response to protect a parent who was wronged, highlighting a clash between loyalty to family and personal integrity.

ADVERTISEMENT

This situation taps into a broader issue: the impact of parental deception on children. A 2020 study from the American Psychological Association found that 65% of adolescents with divorced parents report feelings of betrayal when one parent disrespects the other post-separation (source: APA). The father’s lack of remorse and public jabs at his ex-wife likely amplified the teen’s sense of abandonment, fueling his defiance.

For the teen, moving forward means setting boundaries. Experts suggest open communication, perhaps through a mediator, to express hurt without escalating conflict. If the father seeks reconciliation, he must own his actions and offer a genuine apology—not demand one. The teen might also benefit from talking to a counselor to process his anger and navigate this complex family dynamic.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one—here’s the tea, served with a side of wit and wisdom. The community weighed in with fiery takes, and let’s just say, the consensus was clear:

JustASW − NTA. Your father's sexuality is not a choice and he has every right to seek a partner he loves, but choosing to treat his wife/ex wife and child with callous disregard and disdain is very much a choice. I really can't understand why anyone thought that bad-mouthing your mother in front of you was anything other than m**strous.

ADVERTISEMENT

Your father needs to take responsibility for how his current behaviour affects you, and until he does, I think you're right to limit your contact.. Ironically in this case, being gay has nothing to do with acting like a d**k.

Ursula2071 − NTA. Your dad lied to your mother for at least 16 years. He then blindsides her and had zero remorse for what he did. Then he becomes bitter and cruel toward her when she has the nerve to be unsupportive of him and the man he was cheating on her with for years by protecting herself and getting what she deserved in the divorce.

He then talks about her rudely behind her back and to you calling her an ugly gold digger, when he himself played a happily married, heterosexual family man for almost 2 decades to get money. He is the gold digger. You are not required to play happy families with him and that is the only reason he is crying now.

ADVERTISEMENT

Not because he cares about you, if he did he would have had remorse and apologized for what he did. All he wanted was the aesthetic of his son supporting him without doing anything to earn that support.

gayforaliens1701 − NTA. I’m gay—it’s not an excuse for all bad behavior. This isn’t the 1950s when being gay was a crime and men truly were pressured into entering heterosexual marriages. He knowingly swindled your mom because of his financial greed and now has the gall to insult her, and further to imply that his life with you was nothing but suffering. Your anger and actions are completely valid. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

NITAREEDDESIGNS − NTA...Duck them.. Good job standing up for your mom, OP.. Hugs.

ADVERTISEMENT

Jake_Let_2991 − NTA, Your dad tricks your mom into marrying her and have you. Then the day after your grandad dies, he comes out and leaves you both. Then he travels the world and barely speaks to you for a year. Then he comes to his fiance's hometown to get married where he invited you.

He then calls the year he spent abroad away from you and mom as the best time of his life, all the while cracking cruel jokes about her. As a gay man myself, I can emphatically say what your dad did was wrong on countless levels. I believe the term for what he did to your mom is getting a 'beard' as a girlfriend to mask that he's gay.

(Correct me if I'm wrong.) The only way that's allowable is if BOTH sides are aware of the situation. He only did it so his parents wouldn't disown him and remove him from an inheritance. I most definitely would've let him have it verbally. Your dad has it backwards, HE should be apologizing to you and your mom for his m**strous behavior.

ADVERTISEMENT

Being gay doesn't exempt him from what he's done. Go NC and drop his number. He wanted so badly to live the gay lifestyle? Then he must pay the price by losing any hope of a relationship with you.. Honestly, I'd be petty and blast to everyone I knew exactly what he's done.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You didn't come down on him because he was gay; you called him out for the way he treated your mother. And what he said about her was wrong. If anything, he should be apologizing to you and your mother. And don't listen to anyone who tries to make you apologize.

DKGroove − NTA: your dad and his new family cracked s**tty jokes. During the divorce he should have gotten 0% of the inheritance from your grandparents and then he’d have a leg to stand on.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your piece of s*** of dad should cried more

rudep23 − NTA. Him being gay & leaving you guys sucks, and no maybe you wouldn’t understand but the jokes on your moms expense are uncalled for. Especially he left you and went off on his way. You don’t need that nonsense in your life. Wish your dad & his husband well and go no contact if you please!

Keepinitreal20 − NTA He used your mother to intentionally hide the fact that he’s gay from his conservative parents who probably would have disinherited him on the spot. I don’t understand the intricacies of coming out, however, I know that what your dad did was heartless to your mother who wasted her younger years with a man who obviously did not love her. I feel for you both, good luck!

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit hot takes pack a punch, but do they capture the full picture? The internet’s quick to judge, but real life is messier. Still, the support for the teen’s stand is hard to ignore.

This story is a gut-punch reminder that family ties can fray under the weight of dishonesty. The teen’s courage to call out his father’s cruelty sparked chaos, but it also drew a line in the sand—one that prioritized loyalty to his mother over a forced facade of family harmony. Whether you see him as a hero or a hothead, his choice raises big questions about forgiveness and accountability. What would you do if you were in his shoes? Share your thoughts—how would you navigate this family fallout?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *