AITA for calling my dad a freeloader?

Imagine a 16-year-old girl, mid-presentation for class, her focus razor-sharp—until her 56-year-old dad storms in, yelling about a six-minute-old text, humiliating her in front of virtual classmates. Blamed for his outburst, her frustration simmers. Later, elbow-deep in dishes—piled high because dad won’t lift a finger—she hears his snide, “Finally doing something helpful?” After a day of his jabs, her temper flares, and “freeloader” flies out amid a fiery clash.

Her heart’s a mess: betrayal stings as dad, jobless and idle citing COVID fears, leans on her busy mom. A screaming match leaves her doubting—was “freeloader” too harsh? Readers, you might feel her heat: a dad’s disregard, a teen’s breaking point. Was she fair to snap, or did she cross a line? Let’s scrub this drama clean and dig in!

‘AITA for calling my dad a freeloader?’

I (16F) have been having a rough day with my dad (56M) today. first, he came into my room when i was in the middle of doing a presentation to yell at me for not answering his text. he had sent it 6 minutes prior to coming in. everybody in my class heard him insult me for about a minute until he finally understood i was presenting after me telling him for the 100th time.

immediately after my presentation, when i left my room, he told me i should have alerted him i was going to be presenting and that everything that happened was my fault. because of this, i was already pissed off at him, which is important for the next part of this story.

later in the day, after finishing all my schoolwork, i was cleaning the dishes, which there are a lot of since my mom is busy with work and my dad refuses to clean his plates. i really dont mind doing them, but the problem came up when my dad came downstairs. he started the entire conversation with, 'wow, youre finally doing something helpful around the house?'

after the whole day of him being a d**k to me, i finally snapped.  i may have used a bit too colorful of language but the main jist of what i said was, 'i dont want to hear it from you when youre more of a f**king freeloader than i am. you dont do the dishes, you dont do laundry, you dont work, you dont walk the dogs.

you do nothing but sit in your room all day, watch the news, m**e and be f**king miserable.' this obviously turned into a screaming match pretty quickly with him calling me insensitive because i 'should have known that the only reason [he] doesnt have a job is because of covid and how anxious [he is] with going out right now.'

i countered this by saying the least he can do is be nice, help around the house, alleviate some of the stress from my mom, or look for a job. after that, he told me to f**k off, so i did. i went to my room and didnt finish the dishes. im worried i went too harsh on him by calling him a freeloader because i know he has anxiety when it comes to covid and working at this time. AITA?

A dad’s mid-class outburst and snarky chore jab pushed a 16-year-old to snap, dubbing him a “freeloader” as he skips dishes, laundry, and work, citing COVID anxiety. His blame and inaction clashed with her effort, sparking a yelling match. She’s torn—fair call or too brutal? His slack lands hard on her working mom.

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Family tension often brews from uneven roles. A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association shows 68% of teens feel stress when parents shirk duties. Dr. John Gottman, relationship expert, notes, “Respect and contribution build trust; unchecked conflict erodes it” (from Psychology Today, 2020, source). Dad’s intrusion and passivity—despite anxiety—jarred her day; her “freeloader” jab, though sharp, echoed real strain.

COVID’s toll is real, but chores don’t need a commute. He could ease mom’s load, show kindness. Try this: a calm talk—her to share hurt, him to own lapses. Therapy might help, per Gottman’s tips (source). She’s no villain here.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit stormed in like a family squabble, dishing takes hotter than a kitchen spat. Was this teen’s “freeloader” call a win, or did she overcook it? Here’s the crowd’s sizzling scoop:

SnooLemons4637 − NTA. He was acting like a huge a**hole and deserved it. He’s being hypocritical for judging u for not doing anything even though he doesn’t either. He needs this wake up call.

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Ardeeke − NTA (any slight A behaviour seems justified). He needs to grow up, covid doesn't stop you from doing dishes/cleaning your house/etc. He may be depressed and anxious, but in the real world you still have to get on with things,

you can't just peace out bc you don't want to handle things when you have responsibilities. Also the berating you for ages _in general_ is b**lshit, let alone when you're trying to do your schoolwork. Congrats, you're more of an adult than your dad is.

My_Dramatic_Persona − He’s an a**hole many times over in this story.. * Barging into your room and confronting you for not replying to a six-minute-old text. * Berating you in front of classmates during your online class. He says he didn’t know you were presenting to them at the time, but that’s on him. It was your school time so it shouldn’t be unexpected.

If he doesn’t know when you are busy with school that also sounds like a problem on his end. * Yelling at you for nearly a full minute, especially over a non-issue and without listening to you at all.. * Blaming you for his actions when your class was done.. * Not contributing to the house.. * Being a passive aggressive a**hole to you about you doing chores.

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The worst that can be said about you is that you attacked him rather than having a constructive conversation. I can’t blame you for that, since he certainly earned it. At this point maybe a harsh wake-up call will be constructive. It sounds like he’s wallowing.. Edit: NTA

mediastoosocial − Covid is stopping him from working and leaving the house, so what’s stopping him from doing laundry and dishes etc? I can get why you snapped at him, although if his laziness is an issue, it’s best between him and your mum.. NTA.

BigRad_Wolf − NTA, sorry you have to deal with that. It isn't fair, you don't deserve it, you are worthy of love and respect. Make sure you don't let his behavior color the way you think about yourself.

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La_Peregrina − NTA and can you talk to your mom about it? What's their relationship like?

[Reddit User] − NTA Jesus H Christ your father needs a slap and some counseling He’s probably projecting his toxic insecurities onto you because he can’t provide the way he feels ‘a real man’ should

Strange-Art9901 − NTA One suggestion: if you're ever giving a presentation again, consider putting a sign on your door. It might help prevent future interruptions.

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Kreeblim − Nta. You're in class and he texts then comes to scream at you. Then blames you and later is condescending to you about household chores. I wanted to say esh but i honestly think you held out pretty cool considering how he embarrassed you infront of your class.

ComprehensiveBand586 − NTA. Your father is abusive and lazy. Everyone is anxious about going out but the ones who have to work on site still do it. And he obviously doesn't have to go out to do housework. I'm sorry he treats you like that. You don't deserve it and what you said about him was the truth.

These Reddit roasts bubble over, but do they boil down the truth? Maybe dad’s a slacker needing a nudge, or her snap steamed too hot. One thing’s clear: this pot’s still simmering!

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A dad’s class-crashing rant and chore-dodging ways boiled over when a 16-year-old labeled him a “freeloader,” igniting a scream-fest. He leans on COVID fears, but she’s fed up, stuck between guilt and grit as mom juggles work. Reddit cheers her truth; experts urge repair. We’re chuckling at the dishpile drama, but her hurt runs deep. Was “freeloader” a fair jab, or too raw for dad’s anxiety? What would you do if a parent slacked and snapped? Toss your takes, feelings, or tales below—let’s clean up this mess!

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