AITA for calling my brother a jealous dropout?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

After 23 years of military service, a retiree’s dream of a spacious Texas home sparked a social media showdown with his brother. Excitedly sharing plans for a 4-bedroom house, he faced unexpected shade from his sibling, who lives in a tiny converted shed and questioned the need for so much space. The retiree’s sharp retort—labeling his brother a “jealous dropout”—lit up Facebook, drawing cheers and jeers from family and friends alike.

This story is a lively clash of ambition and resentment, where a single comment unraveled years of sibling tension. Reddit jumped in with a mix of applause and raised eyebrows, dissecting the drama with wit and wisdom. With humor and heart, this tale pulls you into a world where hard-earned success meets family judgment, leaving you to ponder: how far is too far in a sibling spat?

‘AITA for calling my brother a jealous dropout?’

I am in the process of retiring from the military after a 23+ year career and my spouse and I are looking to move to Texas, which our family knows about. The other day I posted on my Facebook that we had begun the home search process and narrowed down roughly where we want to move.

Most of my friends and family are of course excited and happy, though they do wish we would move closer (family and in-laws live relatively close in either GA, SC, or NC, so easy to visit), but they understand our reasoning in moving to Texas with the numerous veteran benefits. On the post a couple of friends were asking what kind of house we are looking at and I replied; 4+ bed, 2+ bath, 2500sqft minimum.

For some reason this seems to have struck a nerve with one of my brothers who begins questioning why we want such a big house with just my spouse and I, as we don't have kids being a same s** couple. I initially explain that we would have our master bedroom, a guest room, and since my spouse works from home he can set up a room as an office like we have now, and then use another room for his video games and crafts.

(Currently this hobbies and work are all in one room, but we feel seperating the two would give him a break from his work and play time, so he doesnt feel like he spends all day in that one room.) Also, we have floated the idea of adopting now that we won't be moving every couple of years with the military. I thought that would be it,.but no.

My brother then proceeded to rant about how him and his girlfriend and her toddler live just fine in a micro-home (it's a converted storage shed that resembles a home from the outside), and that all that extra space is going to be higher utility bills, taxes, and just wasted space.

At this point I was irritated and replied, 'quit being a jealous dropout, I have bust my ass for 23+ years to get where I am, maybe if you hadnt dropped out of high school you wouldn't be living in a storage building and judging how I spend my check. My spouse and a couple of family members and friends said I went to far and was an AH for that response, and that I should apologize. I don't feel I owe anyone an apology. AITA?

ADVERTISEMENT

This sibling squabble is a textbook case of envy clashing with achievement. The retiree’s excitement about his well-earned home was met with unsolicited judgment from his brother, whose minimalist lifestyle seems less a choice and more a necessity. The brother’s rant about “wasted space” smells of resentment, but the retiree’s “jealous dropout” jab was a low blow, turning a private grievance into a public spectacle. Both crossed lines—judgment met with insult.

The broader issue here is sibling rivalry amplified by differing life paths. A 2022 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 65% of adult siblings experience tension when comparing achievements, especially publicly. The brother’s comments reflect insecurity, while the retiree’s retort weaponized his success.

ADVERTISEMENT

Psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman notes, “Siblings can trigger old wounds, but de-escalation preserves bonds” . Here, both could’ve paused—the brother by staying silent, the retiree by addressing the issue privately. The public nature of their spat, per social media’s glare, only fanned the flames.

The retiree should consider a private apology for the insult, while addressing his brother’s overreach, using tips from The Gottman Institute on repairing family rifts. Ignoring future bait could keep the peace.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit rolled in with a spicy mix of shade and sympathy, calling out both brothers for their blows while leaning toward the retiree’s side. From slamming the brother’s shed-life shade to wincing at the dropout dig, the comments are a lively blend of support and critique. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

_Bisclavert − ESH. Your brother is TA because no one forced him to respond to your post and write a sob story about his life. And you should not have stooped down to his level and kicked him the rear. It's one thing to have a shouting match at home, it's another to post it in social media.. Edit: thank you kind stranger for the award.

[Reddit User] − ESH He was being a complete prat and should have minded his own business. You completely blew a gasket and went low. Worth looking at why his judgement and pettiness made you want to tear him apart, rather than tell him to grow up, or simply delete his comments.

[Reddit User] − NTA. He is jealous. Who the hell wouldn’t be, he lives in a shed! Do use a VA home loan though! Idk what branch you were OP, but Navy Federal (default USMC bank) was absolutely awesome and you don’t have to put any money down.

ADVERTISEMENT

NorthernLitUp − Meh, I'm going with ESH. Your brother was way out of line, but you allowed yourself to stoop to his level with your response. You could have just ignored it and been the bigger person.

karduar − ESH - you should not have shamed your brother's situation like that. Also, he had no business trying to change your lifestyle choices. You both owe each other an apology.

Allaboutbird − ESH. He shouldn't have bugged you about the house because it's none of his business, but if you think he actually is jealous of your success then basically calling him a loser publically was a low blow. You had the opportunity to be the bigger person.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − ESH He shouldn’t have spoken like that, but you could have privately messaged him to tell him off. Whether he dropped out of high school or not has no effect on his situation. Next time try to act with more grace and be thankful for what you have.

Stoat__King − 'I have bust my ass for 23+ years to get where I am'. This is the relevant part to me. Im going with NTA.

HelloMissHyde98 − NTA, he had no right to come for you like that. As you said, you worked hard to get where you are and you deserve to enjoy your retirement. You were genuinely responding to a question and your brother just attacked out of nowhere because he was jealous. Maybe the words were a bit harsh, but he deserved to be put in his place.

ADVERTISEMENT

BroadElderberry − ESH. So, from your post, I didn't read that your brother is jealous, I read that he's one of those judgmental minimalists, that believe people who have 'more space than they need' are wasteful or materialistic or 'unenlightened' or whatever.

That said, putting your brother down doesn't raise you up any higher. Like, the sentiment 'quit being jealous, I busted my ass for 23+ years, don't judge how I spend my money' is *totally* valid. Bringing his lack of education into it was a low blow, and not even relevant to the situation. The game of 'I'm better than you' 'No *I'm* better than you' never has any winners.

These Redditors saw the brother’s comments as jealous sniping but urged the retiree to rise above the fray. Some cheered his clapback, while others cringed at the public shaming. Do these hot takes nail the story, or are they just stirring the pot?

ADVERTISEMENT

This retiree’s tale is a sharp reminder that success can spark envy, even from those closest to you. His brother’s judgment of his home plans was uncalled for, but the “jealous dropout” zinger turned a family tiff into a public roast. It’s a story of pride and pettiness, where both sides could’ve chosen grace over jabs. How would you respond to a sibling questioning your hard-earned dreams? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *