AITA for buying the dress that my friend wanted but couldn’t get because they don’t have it in plus size?

In a flurry of wedding planning, a group of bridesmaids scrolled through dress links, dreaming of the perfect look for their friend’s big day. But in one group chat, a green bateau dress became the unexpected spark of drama. Imagine the sting of loving a dress only to find it doesn’t come in your size—then watching a friend snag it without a word.

Ana’s hurt feelings turned a simple dress choice into a thorny issue of sensitivity and friendship. The original poster (OP) didn’t mean to stir the pot, but her purchase left Ana feeling sidelined. Readers are left wondering: was this a thoughtless move or a fair choice? Let’s unravel this sartorial saga and explore the emotions behind the dress that divided friends.

‘AITA for buying the dress that my friend wanted but couldn’t get because they don’t have it in plus size?’

I and my friends are going to be bridesmaids in our friend’s wedding, and for the past few weeks we’ve been searching online for bridesmaids dresses and sharing links of dresses we like in our group chat so none of us ends up buying the same or very similar dresses.

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My friend Ana sent a link for a green bateau dress and literally said “I love this but they don’t have it in my size.” (She is US 14.) I agreed that the dress is beautiful while one of our other friends said that the skirt might be too wide for a bridesmaid dress. Ana went on to send more links of other dresses and our group’s conversation moved along.

Yesterday Ana sent a message in our chat that she just ordered one of the dresses she showed us, and asked if we already chose a dress. I really liked the green bateau dress so I checked if they had it in my size (I am US 8) and they did so I told our group that I was going to order the bateau dress.

No one replied immediately, but I didn’t think too much about it because it’s not uncommon for me and my friends to take a while before replying, specially during work hours. I ordered the dress. A few hours later I got a call from one of my friends saying that Ana called her and was upset that I ordered the bateau dress, knowing she liked it but couldn’t buy it because it wasn’t available in her size.

My friend said Ana thinks I’m trying to make her feel bad about her weight by flaunting that I can wear the dress she likes because I’m skinnier. To be honest I have mixed emotions about what Ana said, but trying to fix things comes first so I tried calling Ana and sending her messages to apologize, explaining that I didn’t intend for her to feel that way.

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But she hasn’t answered my calls or messages. So I just want to know: AITA for thinking that there is nothing wrong with buying the dress Ana liked but couldn’t buy because they didn’t have it in her size in the first place, or is my friend overreacting?

This dress drama might seem like a small stitch in the fabric of friendship, but it reveals deeper threads of sensitivity around body image. The OP’s choice to buy the dress Ana loved wasn’t malicious, but it hit a raw nerve. Ana’s reaction stems from the frustration of limited plus-size options, a common issue in fashion.

The OP saw the dress as just a pretty option, available in her size (US 8). Ana, unable to get it in US 14, felt her disappointment was overlooked. According to Vogue Business, only 20% of major retailers offer inclusive sizing above US 12, leaving plus-size shoppers underserved. Ana’s hurt reflects this broader struggle, where clothing availability can feel like a personal judgment.

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Dr. Renee Engeln, a body image expert, says, “Clothing size limitations can reinforce feelings of exclusion” (Psychology Today). Applied here, Ana’s reaction likely stems from societal pressures, not just the OP’s choice. The OP could’ve checked with Ana first, but Ana’s assumption of malice seems like an overreach.

For solutions, a quick heads-up before buying could prevent hurt feelings. The OP’s apology was a good start—helping Ana find a stunning dress now could mend fences. Friends should navigate these moments with empathy, acknowledging how size inclusivity impacts self-esteem. Discussing feelings openly strengthens bonds, so consider a heart-to-heart to clear the air.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit squad dove into this dress debate with gusto, tossing out opinions like confetti at a wedding. It was like a virtual fitting room where everyone had a take—some cheering the OP, others siding with Ana’s bruised feelings. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

icesurfer10 − NTA. She couldnt have it, why does that mean nobody should have it? Its nothing to do with weight, it could've happened the other way around but they had size 14 instead of 8 and I can't imagine you would've been mad.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. However it would probably have been best to just check with her if it was cool if you bought it first. Saying that if she had said no and you bought it anyways, I don't think you'd be the AH either. She can't wear it, so I don't see what right or reason for saying no one else can wear it.

That's just a bit too entitled for me. Her reaction is the only reason I'm not going for NAH. I don't see why you buying the dress automatically makes her think you're trying to rub in her face, the world doesn't revolve around her.

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[Reddit User] − NAH (except the company that makes the dress; c’mon, 14 is barely plus-size, especially if you just need more room on top). I can see why you didn’t realize this dress was so important to Ana - and honestly, it may not have been until you picked it.

But I can also see why she’d question why out of all the universe of possible options, you’d pick one you at least knew she was disappointed about and not even give her a heads up before making the purchase. I don’t necessarily think you need to change your mind, but assuming she does break her silence, you really need to put some effort into helping her find a kickass alternative.

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doemaarbier − As a girl who is a bit bigger (size L) - it can really hurt to see your skinny friend wear the outfit you would have loved to wear but you couldnt because of your size. However I do think she is overreacting. Yes it sucks and yes it can hurt but get over yourself. Dont go creating drama where there is none.

So NTA. Another however: I do think it would have been considerate of you to ask first (but not neccesairy, hence why I think she is overreacting). Apparenty it wad a big deal to her and it would have been nice.

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foibleShmoible − A mild YTA - You should have asked her how she felt about you buying the dress first. If she'd been okay with it you'd have been golden, and if she was upset you'd have known not to order it.

Redeye_Jedi1620 − NTA. More than one person is allowed to like the same thing.

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[Reddit User] − NAH but I definitely would have not told people I purchased it that soon after she said she felt s**tty she couldn't find it in her size. You can't help that it was out of stock in her size but it seems a little tone-deaf to say, 'I'm going to buy this pretty dress you brought to my attention since they have it in *my* size.' You really can't imagine her feeling like crap about that?

ItsFudgeStripes − NAH. I really don't think you meant any harm. You liked the dress, it wasn't in her size anyway, you buy it, no issue. And some women wouldn't care at all! But everyone is different and I do see it from her perspective.

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Not being able to buy clothes because of your size is embarrassing to say the least. Buying clothes as a women, especially a plus size women, can be a degrading, humiliating, awful experience full of shame and panic. It shouldn't be that way, but for a lot of women it still is.

It's not the same as them not having a size 6 so you just got it cause they had a size 8. It's not the same as a shoe size. She couldn't get it because she was too big. At the bare minimum she's going to feel embarrassed about her weight and size because of that.

And she's not gonna blame the clothing company, she's gonna blame herself internally. Then you had to pick this dress she loved that she couldn't fit into, with all the dress options in the world. It comes across as you flaunting your smaller size.

Inb4 wHaT If ShE Was BuYiNG a BiGger sIzE. Then it would be different. Because we shame bigger sizes not smaller sizes. It wouldn't come across as flaunting. For instance, not being able to buy a dress because it runs too big is NOT embarrassing. It's a source of pride for many women.

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We can't view the situation without taking into account what societal views are at play. Sounding like a SJW sorry. But you did the right thing by reaching out, and you didn't mean harm, but it was somewhat unintentionally insensitive and she has the right to be upset.

effervescenthoopla − NAH- this is a sticky situation. Ultimately, while you could have found another dress, you should get what you feel good in for yourself. The other bridesmaid would have to get a different dress anyways. I’d recommend you contact that person and apologize, maybe offer to help her find a super cute alternative. Let her know you meant nothing offensive and that you want her to be comfortable as well.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. ' Ana thinks I’m trying to make her feel bad about her weight ' JESUS CHRIST. I hate people that think the world revolves around them. Not everything is about you or your damn weight, sometimes things are as simple as 'i like this thing (dress) and im buying it'.

Redditors were split—some called Ana’s reaction entitled, while others saw the OP’s move as a tad tone-deaf. The debate swirled around fairness versus sensitivity, with a few jabs at the fashion industry’s sizing gaps. But do these comments weave the full story, or are they just hemming in the drama?

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This bridesmaid dress dilemma shows how a simple choice can unravel complex emotions. The OP’s purchase wasn’t meant to hurt, but it exposed the sting of size exclusivity in fashion. Whether you’re Team OP or Team Ana, it’s a reminder to tread lightly around friends’ sensitivities. Have you ever faced a similar friendship snag over a seemingly small decision? Share your stories—what would you do in this dress drama?

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