AITA for buying my son a food lock box?

In a cozy suburban kitchen, the crinkle of a chip bag sparks more than just a snack-time craving—it ignites a family showdown. James, an 11-year-old with a dairy allergy, watches his weekly treat vanish faster than a magician’s rabbit, thanks to his younger brother Danny’s sticky fingers.

The tension simmers as Danny, armed with cheesy snacks James can’t touch, demands a share of his brother’s dairy-free goodies. When a food lockbox enters the scene, it’s hailed as a hero by James but branded as favoritism by Mom. Can a simple lock solve this sibling saga, or will it deepen the divide?

‘AITA for buying my son a food lock box?’

I have 2 sons James (11) and Danny(7). Since they were little we have a deal when we do our grocery shopping for the week they can pick out a junk food like cookies, chips or whatever. That's their treat for the week. They can share but they don't have to.

There's plenty of other stuff to eat but this is their 'special' thing.. James has a dairy allergy, so can only have certain things. Up until recently they'd each get something they both liked and share, but then a month or so ago Danny picked out some cheetos.

James couldn't have any so Danny figured out if he got something with dairy he didn't have to share. He's been getting stuff with cheese since. Thing is Danny said that since 'it's not his fault James can't have it' that he's still entitled to some of his brothers treat. Danny offered to trade, James declined and Danny asked for some of his snack anyway.

James says 'I can't have any of yours, you can't have mine'. That resulted in Danny asking me to 'make James let him have some ' I said those are their treats for the week and he's the one that picked cheetos so James doesn't have to share if he doesn't want to a no is a no '.

The last few weeks James has been complaining about running out quicker. I just figured he was eating more than he thought, or my wife was putting them in his lunch. Then last week I came up from the basement and Danny was standing in the kitchen eating some of James cookies.

I asked what he was doing and he said 'James said I could have some '. I asked James and he said 'no I didn't'. That was a whole 'it's not fair' argument. I put them on a higher shelf and told James to tell me when he wanted some and I'd get them. Which I thought worked.

My wife kept brushing it off and saying 'that's how kids are' ,' you're an only child you wouldn't get it'. Then Sunday we went and did our weekly shopping. James and Danny got their snack, Danny got cheezits and asked james to try one of his pringles, James said no and I put them up in their spot.

I went to do some work in my office, James was working on homework, and Danny was watching TV. I came around the corner in the kitchen and Danny was on the counter eating his brothers pringles. I yelled at him and hid his cheezits.. My wife's suggestion was 'neither of them get special snacks anymore '. But why punish both for one's behavior?. I ordered a food locker.

ADVERTISEMENT

I gave it to James with a lock and key.. Danny had a fit. Now my wife is mad at me and said I'm an a**hole and playing favorites. That they're just having a normal sibling disagreement and it'll pass but I went to far with a lock box.. Danny isn't understanding No and I don't want him growing up thinking he can have whatever he wants.. AITA?

Sibling squabbles over snacks might seem trivial, but they’re a microcosm of learning respect and boundaries. Danny’s snack-stealing antics, paired with his calculated choice of dairy treats, signal a need for clearer consequences, not just a lockbox.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert, notes, “Children need to learn that their actions impact others, and parents must model fairness while setting firm boundaries” (Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids). Danny’s behavior—taking James’ snacks while dodging sharing—suggests he’s testing limits, enabled by Mom’s dismissal of it as “normal.” This risks fostering entitlement, not sibling camaraderie.

Broadly, sibling rivalry affects 80% of families with multiple children, per a 2020 study from the Journal of Family Psychology (APA). Teaching kids to respect property early curbs bigger issues like trust erosion later. For Danny, a consequence like losing his treat privilege for a week could reinforce accountability without punishing James.

ADVERTISEMENT

The lockbox is a practical fix, but long-term, parents must unite. Dr. Markham advises consistent rules and open discussions to nurture empathy. The father could involve both boys in setting snack-sharing guidelines, fostering fairness while protecting James’ dietary needs.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s verdict? A chorus of “NTA” with a side of spicy commentary. Here’s what the internet’s armchair judges had to say about this snack-time saga:

ADVERTISEMENT

Toxbunny080 − NTA:. Danny needs to understand no means no, your AH wife is raising a potential assaulter.

Brutally_honest_peep − NTA Your wife is TA, why are there no consequences for Danny when he eats James snack without asking? It's stealing. She is encouraging stealing under the guise of siblings being siblings. That's bullcrap. I have two siblings and I stole something I would be double punished for it..

As a suggestion each time Danny steals from James he loses his snack privilege for the week. Period. If you don't teach Danny right from wrong and that his actions have consequences then I shudder to think what he will be when he grows up.. It kind of sounds like your wife is favoring Danny.

ADVERTISEMENT

TRoseee − NTA one child is purposely picking something he KNOWS his brother can’t have so he doesn’t have to share then going into his brothers limited snacks and stealing them and your wife thinks this is “normal” sibling behavior?

I have siblings. This is not normal. Siblings are still allowed to have their own things. And the thieving child definitely shouldn’t be rewarded and the poor lactose child shouldn’t be punished because his brother can’t keep his hands outta the cookie jar.

Early-Light-864 − NTA. Buy Danny a box too (even though he doesn't need it) so it's 'fair'

ADVERTISEMENT

one_1f_by_land − NTA and it's exasperating that your wife is working against you this hard when your concerns involve food allergies. These are basic precautions. If she's not going to help you enforce them, then of course you're going to have to default to other strategies.

What did she expect? This is 100% valid and a great idea. If you want to take away the accusation of playing favorites, you can also reinforce lessons of personal property with Danny by also buying him a lockbox in order to help him reframe this situation.

'Everyone has things that belong to them, and they have a right to keep those things to themselves. Why don't you get your three most treasured things and bring them here, and I'll show you how to protect them in this lockbox?'. Sorry you're being fought so hard over this. It's a little ridiculous tbh.

ADVERTISEMENT

ElmoEugene − NTA and Danny should be punished; not only for stealing his brother’s treats when told he couldn’t have any but also for lying about it. Danny is old enough to learn his actions have consequences. Mom is an AH for enabling that behavior.

That’s not a respectful sibling dynamic and if you don’t nip it in the bud now you very well may have big problems later on. I think Danny can go without treats for a while as a consequence of his actions.. NAH - you and James. AH - Mom and Danny.

facinationstreet − NTA. Danny is a little s**t.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA, your wife is TA and doing a bad job of parenting. Danny isn't learning the lesson so you had to take action.

Albuquicky − NTA. I have had this same problem in my house with my oldest and younger son. The younger son has multiple food allergies (one being dairy) so he will get a certain snack like Skittles and usually didn't mind sharing but he needs to be asked first.

His brother will get something that isn't 'safe' for his little brother and then makes the excuse that he would share but can't and then used to eat his and more than his share of his brother's treat as well. So my younger son started hiding his food. It happened with money too.

ADVERTISEMENT

Our oldest had some mental health issues (Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, anxiety, depression) as well as a parathyroid tumor that has complicated matters but he has really firm boundaries now so he can't manipulate his siblings into giving him what he wants and it took a lot of us presenting a united front and being firm, fair and consistent with him.

Your wife doesn't understand that Danny is trying to push the envelope to see what he can get away with. If she allows him to keep getting away with this he going to continue to steal and think he's gotten away with it without punishment. Ultimately, showing Danny that there are consequences to his actions is the correct way to handle it.

Getting a food locker for James is a good start. If he asks why, calmly explain to him that James is not taking food that doesn't belong to him but he (Danny) has been and had been lying about it. That should not only teach him that he's being watched but that he's being held accountable for it as well. Good luck!

ADVERTISEMENT

Maine04330 − NTA. Even kids can pick up manipulative or toxic behaviors. It's easier to teach them out of it, luckily. He is stealing, I'd use that angle to change the behavior. Kids understand stealing.. Until he does, lockbox makes sense. James deserves snacks too.

These hot takes sizzle with support for Dad’s lockbox gambit, but do they hold up in the real world? One thing’s clear—Reddit’s got no chill when it comes to sticky-fingered siblings!

This tale of snacks and locks leaves us munching on a bigger question: how do you teach kids respect without locking up more than just cookies? The father’s food lockbox drew a line in the sand, but it also sparked a family feud. Balancing fairness and discipline is trickier than hiding a bag of chips. What would you do if you were in this dad’s shoes? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar sibling showdown?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *