AITA for buying my sister a super expensive gift for her 40th birthday?

Picture a glitzy birthday bash, where a gleaming Cartier watch sparkles under candlelight, a 35-year-old man’s (OP) grand gesture to his beloved sister on her 40th. The room buzzes with joy—until a sour note creeps in. OP’s brother-in-law (BIL), nursing a grudge over his own modest $200 birthday gift, casts a shadow over the celebration. What was meant as a heartfelt tribute to a lifelong bond morphs into a family feud over fairness and envy.

OP, flush from a promotion, wanted to mark his sister’s milestone with a gift as timeless as their bond. But when BIL demands equal extravagance and his sister calls the watch “disrespectful” to their marriage, OP’s generosity backfires. Reddit’s AITA community dives into this shiny mess, unpacking entitlement, sibling love, and the perils of pricey presents. Can a gift ever be too generous? Let’s wind up this drama and find out.

‘AITA for buying my sister a super expensive gift for her 40th birthday?’

I’d like to get some outside opinions on a situation that’s gotten a bit tense. I (35M) have been doing very well for myself lately after a recent promotion. One of my personal goals is to purchase a specific Rolex, and as part of that process, I’ve been trying to build a relationship with a luxury watch dealer.

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My sister (40F) turned 40 last month, and since she’s my only sister and we’re very close, I wanted to give her something special. She loves designer items and has always appreciated that kind of thing. So for this milestone birthday, I got her a Cartier watch—around $13,000.

This is very out of the norm; typically, I spend about $200 on birthday gifts for both her and my brother-in-law (44M). The issue started after her birthday. My BIL made a comment about how he hoped for a designer watch for his birthday too, and I laughed because I assumed he was joking.

Turns out, he wasn’t. I later found out he was actually upset about the difference in gifts. For his birthday (which was two months before hers), I got him a $200 gift, and for his 40th a few years ago, I gave him a $500 steakhouse gift card.

Now both he and my sister are upset. She said the gift was “disrespectful” to their relationship and too unequal, and while she seemed sad saying it, I couldn’t tell if it was more about the tension it caused. To be clear, I wanted to do something unique and meaningful for *my sister*—someone I’ve known and loved my whole life.

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I’m not particularly close to my BIL, and honestly, I’ve always had to tolerate a bit of insecure behavior from him. I didn’t expect this level of drama from what I saw as a generous, one-off gift. They have asked I return the watch and get two \~$6k watches. Privately my sister has said I shouldn't of bought the watch as its annoyed my BIL very much.

Gift-giving can be a minefield, especially when it stirs jealousy in family ties. OP’s $13,000 watch for his sister was a love letter to their lifelong bond, but it unleashed a storm of insecurity from her husband. The BIL’s demand for matching luxury and the sister’s call for “equality” reveal a deeper issue: unspoken expectations in relationships.

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, notes, “Gifts reflect the giver’s intent, but recipients may misinterpret their value” found 61% of couples report tension when one partner feels overshadowed by family gifts, often tied to insecurity, as OP notes in his BIL’s behavior.

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The sister’s push to return the watch likely stems from pressure to appease her husband, not genuine offense. Dr. Chapman advises clear communication: OP could explain the gift’s sentimental value to his sister privately, reinforcing it was about their bond, not her marriage. The BIL’s entitlement—expecting a $13,000 watch—crosses into unreasonable territory, especially given their distant relationship.

For solutions, OP should stand firm on keeping the watch, gently telling his sister it’s her choice to keep or return it. Future gifts can revert to modest, equal amounts for both to avoid drama. Couples therapy for the sister and BIL could address his insecurities, preventing further family rifts.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit crashed the party with a mix of cheers, jeers, and some deliciously petty ideas. It’s like a family reunion where everyone’s got a hot take and a side of shade. Here’s the raw buzz from the crowd:

Basicbletch − NTA. Wow, so sorry your BIL happened to you and your sister! What a beautiful, thoughtful and generous gift to the person you're closest to in life. I'm sure your sister is completely fuming about having to give the watch back to appease her child's tantrum, oh oopps I mean husband.

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IMO you either tell them exactly what you've said here - that this was a gesture to your sister and you won't take it back.. Or you take it back and give her a $500 voucher to a steakhouse to make things even. BIL doesn't get to demand an expensive watch from you and I guarantee your sister is just trying desperately to keep the peace.

CSurvivor9 − NTA Take the watch back and give your sister a $500 gift certificate and an apology for not honoring the code and doing the same for her. Then, end any discussion about it further. Your BIL is being a total A, and now your sister is following suit. You are not a bank.

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AfterismQueen − Return the watch. Give her a $200 gift card.

doublestack12 − NTA your BIL can kick rocks, just greedy behavior. Get him nothing from now on a double her gifts! Better yet donate $500 to charity in his honor every year. They might get rid of the watch on their own though.

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Affirmativerobot − NTA - Normal in-laws don’t expect to always receive the same level of care/gift, etc that  their spouse receives as a sibling. If you never did anything nice for him you would be TA. But you do. You care. You get nice gifts. That’s enough. You don’t owe him anything extravagant.

And you are NOT TA for getting your sister something extravagant one time.  She probably doesn’t really want to return it. If she did she would have gone to the store, and exchanged it for two lesser gifts  - one for her, one for her husband. This is all coming from your greedy, controlling BIL, and should stay between the two of them. You did nothing wrong. 

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Agile-Entry-5603 − NTA. Take your sister out to lunch and have a long heart to heart, about what she means to you and why you wanted to give her that gift. Her husband is NOT your sibling and is NOT owed an equal gift. This isn’t the sandbox. Tell your sister not to let him talk her into giving the gift back or selling it. How childish.

MarionberryOk2874 − Wow. I can’t imagine being upset at someone for *not* getting me a $13k gift! WTAF?! Top it off that you’re not even close to him?! The entitlement is unreal here. Your solution is simple, since they need ‘equality’, they both get $200 gifts from now on, if you even want to do that.

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Or you could take the Cartier watch back and get her a $200 gift…you know, for ‘equality’s’ sake. Personally, just for the fact that they turned this *very generous* gift around into you doing something wrong, I would not get them anything ever again. Your sister shot herself in the foot here…NTA

Kab1212 − Absolutely NTA. Both your sister and BIL are extremely ungrateful and entitled. Honestly, your sister sounds worse than your BIL. Instead of putting her husband in his place and slapping him silly for being rude, she agreed and demanded that you return the gift and get them both something?! Absolutely absurd behavior 

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biochemistrybitch − NTA your sister is more than likely in an abusive relationship. Tell her you won’t return the watch but you understand whatever she has to do to get rid of the tension at home. It’s her choice is she’s ready to leave, wants to stand up to him and tell him he’s being a baby, or continue to give in to his insecurities. You’re a good brother. Continue to support your sister.

Character-Twist-1409 − NTA and this is very entitled of both of them. Your sister can exchange the watch herself if she wants it's her gift. But it doesn't bode well for their marriage for him to be so jealous. This happened to me with a family member and in law and they're divorced now.

These Redditors rallied for OP’s generosity, roasted the BIL’s greed, and urged the sister to stand up to her husband. Some suggested downgrading all gifts to $200; others smelled trouble in the couple’s dynamic. But do these spicy takes capture the full sparkle of this saga, or are they just fanning the drama flames?

OP’s lavish gift was meant to crown his sister’s 40th, but it ended up ticking off a family feud. His BIL’s envy and his sister’s plea for “equality” show how even generosity can misfire when insecurities lurk. By standing his ground, OP’s teaching us that love doesn’t mean matching price tags. What would you do if a heartfelt gift sparked family drama? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep this shiny chat ticking!

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