AITA for buying my siblings better gifts than my stepsiblings?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A Christmas shopping spree turned into a family showdown for a 16-year-old caught in the crosshairs of blended family drama. Picture a cozy living room, wrapping paper strewn about, and the faint glow of fairy lights, only for tension to creep in like an uninvited guest. The teen, juggling a part-time job and holiday cheer, poured heart and savings into gifts for their biological siblings, but their stepmother, Joy, wasn’t having it. Her demand? Equal love for her kids, despite the teen’s clear boundaries. This tale of gifts and grudges dives into the messy heart of blended families, where fairness feels like a tug-of-war and emotions run high. Readers can’t help but wonder: how do you balance loyalty to your siblings with the pressure to embrace new family ties?

The story unfolds with raw honesty, pulling readers into the teen’s perspective. With a surrogate-born family and a stepmom pushing for unity, the situation brims with relatable tension. It’s a classic case of clashing expectations, where a teen’s hard-earned money sparks a debate about love, fairness, and family roles.

‘AITA for buying my siblings better gifts than my stepsiblings?’

My dad has been married to Joy for 2 years. She has two kids who are 7m and 5f. My siblings (14m and 13f) and I 16m live with our dad and Joy. I don't consider Joy my parent or her kids my siblings but I'm not a jerk either so when I went Christmas shopping I did get them gifts, but nothing like what I got my siblings.

I got my sister this makeup case she's been wanting, some decals for her Switch and I got her some packs of Animal Crossing amiibo cards. I got my brother three video games he's wanted for a while and I got him a second controller for his PS5. I work PT and I save most of my money so I could afford to do this.

I got a toy for each of my stepsiblings, not even really sure what they were, but not very expensive. I was wrapping them while everyone else was out. Joy came home early and saw me wrapping them, asked where the rest of the gifts were, I said that was it, and she got mad at me because she realized her kids got way less compared to my siblings and the effort was put into my siblings more.

She told me I was old enough to treat them all exactly the same and to imagine how it would feel for her kids to think I don't love them the same. She complained to my dad when he got home and he asked me about it. I told him her kids don't mean the same to me as my siblings so I got them something to be nice vs actually wanting to and trying to be their big brother.

Dad spoke to Joy after me and she was annoyed that I didn't see them all as equally my siblings. She questioned me on who else I bought gifts for and I told her it was none of her business. She told me I live in her house, she's the mom of the house, etc. I told her I don't have a mom and that she's not MY mom and I don't owe her the information about who I spend my money on gifts for.

Things are now so tense. It's been more than a week and my dad asked if I would consider spending more on Joy's kids to keep the peace. I told him I wasn't willing to do that. So dad bought some extra gifts for me to say are from me. Joy was pissed and said I was a little a**hole because I should not be getting blood family better gifts for being blood when we're all equally one family.. AITA?

And for people who will ask or suggest going to my mom's. I literally don't have one. My siblings and I were born to a surrogate for dad to be our sole parent. He became a single parent to three. The surrogate has no legal rights to us. So no mom.

This gift-giving saga is a masterclass in blended family friction. Dr. Patricia Papernow, a renowned expert in stepfamily dynamics, notes, “Stepfamilies are not ‘lesser’ families, but they require time and intentional effort to build bonds” (Stepfamily Relationships). The teen’s choice to prioritize their biological siblings reflects a natural loyalty, especially given the short two-year span of their dad’s marriage to Joy. Joy’s reaction, while emotionally charged, overlooks the teen’s developmental stage and personal boundaries. A 16-year-old isn’t obligated to treat stepsiblings identically, especially when relationships are still forming.

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The broader issue here is the expectation of instant family unity. Studies show that stepfamilies take 4–7 years to gel (American Psychological Association). Joy’s demand for equal treatment ignores this timeline, placing unfair pressure on a teen. Her name-calling and insistence on being “mom of the house” further alienate the teen, who’s navigating a complex family structure without a biological mother.

Dr. Papernow advises stepparents to “meet kids where they are” rather than forcing roles. Joy could foster connection by appreciating the teen’s effort to buy any gifts for her kids, rather than critiquing the disparity. For the teen, open communication with their dad about boundaries could ease tension. Both sides need patience—blended families thrive on gradual trust, not ultimatums.

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Solutions include family meetings to discuss expectations and feelings calmly. Joy might benefit from stepfamily resources, like those at Stepfamily Foundation, to navigate her role. The teen, meanwhile, can stand firm in their choices while showing small gestures of goodwill to keep the peace without compromising their values.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for the teen’s holiday drama. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the online crowd:

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esk_7140 − NTA Your dad chose to be a single parent, so he needs to take responsibility for his decision. After 16 years, he cannot suddenly force a mother and new siblings onto you.

walnutwithteeth − NTA. You're 16. A child. You're not obligated to spend anything on anyone at your age. The fact that you've used the money you've saved from your part-time job to get something nice for your siblings and stepsiblings shows that you're a caring older brother. Your step siblings are 7 and 5. They have no concept of the monetary value of anything. They'll just be happy they got something.

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Your stepmother needs to back all the way off. And I say this as a stepmother myself. She can not force a sibling bond between you in the same way as she cannot force a parent/child relationship between you. It takes time, and putting this pressure on will drive a wedge in. Your dad needs to step up here and defend you.

gelbblau − NTA Asking where the other gifts were was rude and suggests that she is not handling the family situation in a mature way, it sounds like it was about her feelings rather than her children's. Your dad needs to step up.

raspberrysaturn − NTA I personally would not know what 'expensive' gifts to buy a 5 year old and a 7 year old that wouldn't be completely wasted on them.

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tatasz − NTA. You aren't their parent to treat everyone equally.. Plus they are getting extra gifts compared to you and your siblings as they a bio father somewhere.

maorifrenchfry − NTA.. Ew, CRINGING at mom of the house😭😭 that lady have some nerve to say that

BabyCake2004 − NTA. Their not your siblings and Joy is not your mother. Also, just ignoring blood for a second, her kids are tiny compared to your siblings. With the age difference their very unlikely to even clock you've spent less on them as long as what you've gotten them is something they'll enjoy. What they are going to realize, is their mother is throwing a fit over something being 'unfair' to them. She's the one causing trouble here, not you.

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[Reddit User] − NTA.. Buy them glitter.

Fine_Local07 − NTA. OP you’re entitled to make your own decisions with YOUR income. Besides them being step siblings , kids are destructive. Buying any kid under 11 something over $20-$30 is a waste.

friedonionscent − Your dad decided to have 3 kids via surrogate as a single father? That's a pretty big thing...given all the effort and costs involved. He then chooses to bring a woman into your lives who over-reacts, is immature and calls your names? Is this real?

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These Redditors rallied behind the teen, cheering their independence while throwing side-eye at Joy’s overreach. Some saw her demands as a power play; others urged the teen to stay true to their feelings. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the family fire?

This story is a vivid reminder that blended families are a delicate dance of boundaries and bonds. The teen’s gift choices reflect their reality—loyalty to siblings forged through years, not a rejection of their stepsiblings. Joy’s push for equality, while understandable, misses the mark on nurturing genuine connection. Readers, what’s your take? How do you navigate gift-giving in a blended family? Share your stories and insights below—what would you do if you found yourself in this teen’s shoes?

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