AITA for breaking up with him because of his job?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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In a cozy apartment, a breakup unfolded over a sink full of dishes and unspoken dreams. A Reddit user, smitten with her boyfriend but frustrated by his role as a kitchen assistant, ended their relationship, craving a partner with bigger ambitions. She thought she’d been clear about wanting a future with more, but his icy revelation—that he was training to take over his uncle’s restaurant—left her stunned and kicked out. Now, she’s left wondering if she misjudged him.

This isn’t just a story of a split; it’s a clash of values, communication breakdowns, and hidden plans that turned love sour. With Reddit split on who’s to blame, this tale invites us to ponder: is it wrong to demand ambition, or was her approach the real misstep? Buckle up for a drama that’s as spicy as a kitchen rush hour.

‘AITA for breaking up with him because of his job?’

My ex was everything I wanted in a partner except for ambitious. That’s what proved to be our downfall. He was a “kitchen assistant” at his uncle’s restaurant. Basically washing dishes, bussing tables, and general cleaning.

I tried talking to him about looking for other work, something he could make a future in, but he was happy there. So I broke things off. I thought it best to be straight forward with him about it. He didn’t yell or cry or anything really until I had finished.

Then he coldly told me that he would eventually take over for his uncle when he retires and had been being trained on how to run the business for years, was that ambitious enough for me? I tried to say yes! It was literally all I wanted was to know that he had his sights set higher than washing dishes for the rest of his life,

but my ex kicked me out of his apt and wouldn’t have anything to do with me afterwards. The way it all played out has always bothered me. He treated me like I was an “a**hole” just because I wanted to know he had bigger plans for himself and us in the future.

Breaking up over a partner’s job can feel like tossing out a perfectly good dish for a cracked plate. This Reddit user’s split with her boyfriend stemmed from her view of his kitchen assistant role as a dead end, only to learn he was quietly training to run the restaurant. Her desire for ambition wasn’t wrong, but her failure to dig deeper before pulling the plug sparked the fallout.

This reflects a common relationship hurdle: aligning life goals. A 2023 Pew Research study found that 45% of couples cite differing career aspirations as a breakup factor. Her assumption about his lack of drive ignored his long-term plan, while his silence didn’t help.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Open dialogue about future goals builds trust and clarity”. The user could have asked directly about his plans, and he could have shared his training earlier.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit dished out a fiery mix of shade and support for this breakup saga. Here’s what the community had to say about this ambition-driven split:

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actualdisasterbi - YTA. All you saw was someone with a job that you deemed to be beneath you. He was absolutely right to kick you to the curb since it seems like the only thing you gave a f**k about was his career choice rather than if he made you happy, if you made him happy, etc.

phil_yoo - NTA for wanting to be with someone ambitious.. YTA for breaking things off and trying to fix things afterwards instead of communicating better before.

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_Random_Walker_ - YTA. Looks like he dodged a bullet there.

Swiollvfer - YTA.. just because I wanted to know he had bigger plans for himself and us in the future. You didn't want to know, you wanted him to have said plans. It's a small but big difference. And you didn't insist on that, you broke things off with him because of that.. I mean, 'he was everything I wanted except for his job'....

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crystalinguini - YTA. But you’re mostly TA not for breaking up with him (because everyone has that right) but for not talking to him about whether or not he has any ambitions of his own before breaking up with him.

Like, what a g**damn childish thing to do. Have you ever heard of talking things out? Making your issue known? Literally all you had to do was ask him if he had any plans career-wise in the future, but you decided to jump the gun and just break up with him?

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TheSilverNoble - I'm in the minority, but I'm giving you a qualified NTA. I don't get the impression this is about money to you, but avoid where he going in his life. If he'd been stuck there while trying to get more into a proper career, that would be one thing.

But it sounded like he was happy to stay in a job that didn't seem to offer much in the way of a long term prospect. What gives me pause is that he's supposedly been working on taking over for years, and you didn't know about it. Have you talked with him before about this, or did you just assume things?

SiTheGreat - NTA. I don't know why you're getting so many YTAs. You're talking about someone you considered spending the rest of your life with, if something is a dealbreaker for you then you should be upfront about it. You discussed it with him, weren't satisfied with his answer enough to make a lifetime commitment, and broke things off.

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There is nothing wrong with that. Edit: what the hell people. Nobody is obligated to be in a relationship with someone. OP's feelings are valid no matter what the reason is, they cannot and should not force themself to be in a situation they're not happy with, financially or otherwise.

Allesmoeglichee - He treated me like I was an “a**hole” just because I wanted to know he had bigger plans for himself and us in the future.. No, you didnt just 'want to know'. You demanded that he has higher ambitions..

I tried to say yes! so why didnt you? He cant kick you out of the apartment in a timeframe of 1 second, which is btw all the time it takes to say yes.. ​. YTA for how you treated this situation.. ​

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Coziestpigeon2 - Then he coldly told me that he would eventually take over for his uncle when he retires and had been being trained on how to run the business for years, was that ambitious enough for me? Yeah fuckin' right. I'd have challenged him on that, not accepted it as an excuse. You dodged an excuse-making bullet.

NTA. You're an adult with ambitions, it's completely acceptable that you need someone who will meet you, not drag you down or hold you back. If buddy thinks 'someday I'll run my uncle's kitchen' counts as ambition, boy oh boy is the world going to be hard on him.

benkyker - NTA. You are not an a**hole for wanting something better in your life, you have every right to decide- not good enough. No, you shouldn't look down on other people's jobs, but that doesn't mean you have to accept a partner who only makes minimum wage, presumably without benefits, and seemingly has no intention of ever working towards more.

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I mean if you're cool with it cool but your not obligated to be cool with it. Your partner's life choices are theirs to make and you should respect those choices free of judgment. That doesn't mean you have to accept the consequences of his decisions if they might negatively impact your life.

In this case they would. Life is expensive- kids, cars, houses, medical bills, insurance, taxes, retirement- adulting costs money. There is nothing wrong with wanting to make sure your potential life partner can make meaningful contributions to your household.

These hot takes serve up a split verdict, but do they capture the full flavor of this misunderstanding? Reddit’s cooking with opinions, and they’re not holding back!

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This breakup, sizzling with miscommunication and clashing dreams, shows how quickly assumptions can burn a relationship to the ground. The Reddit user’s push for ambition wasn’t the problem, but her snap judgment and her ex’s late reveal turned a fixable issue into a bitter end. As they go their separate ways, the question lingers: could a single honest talk have saved them? What would you do if your partner’s plans didn’t match your vision? Drop your stories, advice, or spicy takes below!

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