AITA for “breaking up” my brother and his girlfriend?

Picture a swanky penthouse, gleaming with high-end finishes, where a couple’s dream of moving in together crumbles under the weight of a checkbook. A Reddit user, caught in the crossfire of her brother’s romance, faced a dilemma when her brother and his girlfriend, GF, sought her advice. The brother, flush with cash, demanded GF split the costs of his lavish lifestyle equally, despite her modest income. The user’s blunt take—call out the unfairness or reconsider moving in—lit a fuse, leading to a breakup and family fury.

Now, the user’s family is up in arms, branding her a meddler who sabotaged love for money. But was her advice a betrayal or a reality check? This story dives into the thorny clash of love, money, and fairness, with Reddit weighing in on whether the user overstepped or saved GF from a financial trap.

‘AITA for “breaking up” my brother and his girlfriend?’

My brother has been quite financially successful in life. He’s been dating his girlfriend “GF” for about 2 years now, but she honestly earns probably 10% of what my brother makes. However, they split costs evenly on everything which would of course be fine except that my brother wants her to move in with him and pay rent.

I’ve become pretty good friends with GF, and she told me she was upset because my brother wants her to pay half the mortgage and utilities, etc. which she absolutely cannot afford. It’s a very expensive house.

This isn’t a one time issue either, my brother has developed “champagne tastes” but expects her to pay half the costs of these tastes she literally cannot afford. They both then came to me about it together because I think they felt I was a “neutral party” in some ways.

Basically, I was blunt with them. I said they need to discuss financials and that any healthy couple would have to confront how to approach earnings if they want to continue long term. Either (a) my brother needs to shoulder more cost or (b) they need to spend less, including on housing.

My brother made clear those were not options he would accept. So I said the simplest solution is to not move in together, but they’ll need to address this issue at some point or accept they’re not actually expecting to be together long term.

Basically, GF took the last point to heart and felt that my brother wasn’t serious about a relationship if he couldn’t compromise on the issue. My brother is furious with me and told our family I broke them up by telling GF to date a guy who will spend money on her.

ADVERTISEMENT

My family is now pissed at me too and brother calls GF and me a gold digger (I’m a lawyer and earn the same as husband for context). Here’s especially where I think I’m TA. I told brother the only one who cares about marrying someone with money is him, and he’s the “greedy gold digger” who will never be happy because he cares more about money than the people he loves.

I hate that I said that because my point with GF wasn’t even the money, it was that brother created an impossible situation for GF and refused to compromise or be flexible which is necessary for a lasting relationship. Family is demanding an apology for everything, so now I’d really appreciate a third party opinion on whether I’m TA or if I have a warped view on relationships and finances.

ADVERTISEMENT

The user’s advice to her brother and GF exposed a raw nerve in their relationship: financial incompatibility. Her brother’s insistence on a 50/50 split, despite earning ten times more, created an impossible burden for GF. This isn’t just about dollars—it’s about fairness and respect. A 2023 study by Pew Research found that 41% of couples cite financial disagreements as a major relationship strain, often due to unequal contributions or expectations.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes in a Gottman Institute article, “Healthy relationships require compromise, especially on issues like money that reveal core values.” The brother’s refusal to adjust his lifestyle or share costs proportionally signals a lack of flexibility, a red flag for long-term compatibility. GF’s decision to walk away reflects her prioritizing self-respect over financial strain.

The user’s suggestion to delay moving in was pragmatic, highlighting that unresolved financial conflicts could doom the relationship. Her later jab at her brother’s greed was harsh but rooted in truth—his focus on money over compromise strained his bond with GF. To mend family ties, the user could clarify her intent in a calm discussion, emphasizing GF’s financial reality. Couples facing similar issues can benefit from tools like budgeting apps or financial counseling, ensuring both partners’ needs are met equitably.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crowd rolled in like a lively group chat, dishing out support for the user with a side of shade for her brother. Their takes are as sharp as a happy hour debate, calling out his stubbornness and cheering GF’s exit. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

onefish-goldfish − NTA- good for you, looking out for the GF. I hope she finds someone better.

garthastro − NTA. At. All. Don't you dare apologize! Your brother and GF came to you for advice. You gave them excellent advice which the GF took to heart. Then brother misrepresented your contribution for sympathy from others. Your brother sounds like a shallow, materialistic person, and everything you said to him is totally correct. Stand your ground.

ADVERTISEMENT

pink-pangolin − NTA. You’re absolutely right, your brother is so concerned with avoiding “gold-diggers” that he’s insisting his partner drown financially trying to keep up with his expensive tastes.

Either he should have split costs proportionally or lowered the living costs to meet her level. If he wants a more expensive place/restaurant/etc, he should be willing to cover the extra. His own behavior and refusal to compromise is what ended the relationship.

PretentiousUsername1 − They asked for your neutral advice, but I'm sure your brother expected you to side with him and got butthurt because you didn't. You are absolutely right in the options you presented to them.

ADVERTISEMENT

You can't develop expensive tastes and expect a poor SO to tag along and pay for the spending frenzy, you will have to pay for both of you if you want to continue down that path. She is right in backing out of this relationship; it seems she can't win no matter what she does.

I am reminded of that horrible post about the poor GF who couldn't afford to eat and actually had to starve on a very expensive vacation the poster convinced her to come along to. I see something similar in your brother's GF's future if she doesn't get out. It's better if he finds someone who can keep up with his Jonesing and that the GF is free to find someone who wants her for what she is.. NTA, but your whole family sure is.

Southern-Tee − NTA. Hit dogs hollar. Your brother is being an unreasonable brat and his GF was tired of his s**t and moved on. Men think they’re necessary when they are just optional and they are always overestimating their worth. GF wasn’t asking him to pay for everything she wanted equity, or equality.

ADVERTISEMENT

cara180455 − NTA. **Do not apologize.** Break down the financial details to your family and show them what an awful situation he was putting her in. Frankly, it sounds financially abusive to demand someone spend all their money on what you want as they can never save up to leave that way.

IllustriousPomelo152 − NTA. Your brother is TA for asking you to step in and mediate and then be angry at you when things don't turn out his way. He's basically bankrupting his GF to support his own lifestyle. What a greedy guy! If family comes back to you about it, be highly specific.

'GF makes 40K a year and Brother makes 400K a year. He wanted her to pay 20K a year just for the house.' When people get the actual details, they'll see it for what it is. And hell no on ever being the intermediary in his life again! Also, he's a lousy brother and will be a lousy husband.

ADVERTISEMENT

Seliphra − NTA. He asked for your opinions and advise regarding this issue, you gave it, his girlfriend realized she needed to reexamine the relationship, did so, and decided staying with someone who refused to compromise was not worth it. You were right. Sharing expenses 50/50 doesn't work unless both parties make roughly the same amount of money.

Otherwise, each party should contribute the same percentage instead, or the party making significantly more has to sacrifice the things the party making less cannot reasonably afford. Your brother's unwillingness to compromise on something like this means he's likely unwilling to compromise on other things, and compromise is vital to a healthy relationship.

YouretheAH − NTA. You gave two common sense solutions and they asked your opinion.

ADVERTISEMENT

Bad_Astra_Channel − NTA - my wife comes from money. I don't. She has champagne tastes. I don't. She's always spent more on things because having 'the finer things' is important to her. We compromised - I spend more than I normally would,

but she spends the lion's share. She loves me for me and doesn't care that I'm not her financial equal. I will likely always make significantly more money than her through work, but that doesn't make a dent compared to family wealth.

Reddit’s chorus of “NTA” backs the user’s call for fairness, slamming the brother’s refusal to compromise. Some see his demands as borderline abusive, others as a sign he’s out of touch. But do these fiery opinions capture the full story, or are they just fanning the family drama?

ADVERTISEMENT

This family saga shows how money can unravel even the tightest bonds. The user’s advice wasn’t about gold-digging but about fairness and compromise—essentials for any lasting relationship. Her brother’s refusal to bend cost him love, and now the family’s pointing fingers. Have you ever faced a financial clash in a relationship? How would you handle a partner who demands equality at the expense of fairness? Share your thoughts—let’s unpack this messy mix of love and money.

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *