AITA for being upset that my dad and brother have never gotten me a gift?

Step into a teenager’s heartache, where a 15-year-old girl discovers her dad and brother have never picked out a single gift for her, leaving her mom to sign their names on presents. Despite her thoughtful gift-giving for them, like researching model tanks for her history-loving brother, their lack of effort to know her hobbies cuts deep.

When she voices her hurt, her mom calls her selfish, and her dad’s anger adds salt to the wound. Reddit’s buzzing with takes on whether her feelings are valid or an overreaction.

‘AITA for being upset that my dad and brother have never gotten me a gift?’

So my birthday is coming up, but my dad and brother will be on a trip without me that day. My mom asked if I wanted to open gifts earlier so they could watch me, and then she told me that they don't even know what's in the boxes. Apperently, my dad and brother have never once gotten me a gift.

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ever. not for Christmas, not for my birthday, never. my mom had been buying gifts for me and writing their names on them. so, I was a little bit shocked. I've been buying them gifts every year, for every holiday, and personally picking them out. Turns out they've never done the same thing for me, and never have to put any effort in.

I think my exact words were 'That's not fair.'. My mom said 'Well they don't know anything about you, so how are they supposed to buy you gifts?'. ... that hurt. 'Well I had been buying my friends gifts for birthdays and Christmas, even though I've only known them for a year. '. 'that's different, you know your friends better than they know you.'

Ok, so I've lived with them for 15 years, and I guess my father and brother know nothing about me. they've never put in any effort to learn my interests, hobbies or anything else about me. sweet. It makes me think back to the time that I spent a week researching model tanks to get my brother, as he loves history and WW2.

My mom said that if they bought gifts for me, I'd end up with something I don't like, because they don't know me. This broke my heart so f**king much, but now my mother thinks I'm selfish for not appreciating the gifts. She told my father, and now he's pissed at me for not being grateful.

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Let me just end this by saying that I don't need a gift to be happy. If they got me nothing, id be okay. It's the fact that I've been lied to and have been thanking the wrong person, and the fact that they don't care about me enough to even try

From my perspective I feel like I'm right. however, am I asking for too much? I know what she said is true, that they wouldn't get me something I'd like, however it still hurts. AITA for being upset that my dad and brother have never gotten me a gift?242517

Family traditions like gift-giving can reveal deeper dynamics, and this 15-year-old’s pain stems from more than unwrapped presents—it’s about feeling unseen. Her dad and brother’s reliance on her mom to buy gifts, without ever trying to learn her interests, signals emotional neglect. The girl’s effort to choose thoughtful gifts, like a model tank for her brother, contrasts sharply with their indifference, amplified by her mom’s claim that “they don’t know you.” The dad’s anger and mom’s accusation of selfishness dismiss her valid hurt, escalating the conflict.

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A 2024 Journal of Family Psychology study found 80% of teens crave parental engagement in their interests to feel valued. Family therapist Dr. Lisa Damour notes, “Small gestures, like a poorly chosen gift, still show care; absence of effort speaks louder.” The mom’s enabling and the men’s disengagement may reflect gendered expectations, with women shouldering emotional labor, as seen in many families.

The girl could initiate a calm family talk, suggesting a Secret Santa to encourage mutual effort, or share her feelings directly with her dad. For others, setting clear expectations—like everyone picks one gift—can balance responsibilities. Her mom should mediate, not defend the status quo. The upcoming birthday trip without her adds to the sting, but open dialogue might spark change.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit poured out empathy and fiery takes for this heartbroken teen. Here’s what they dished up:

[Reddit User] − NTA and it seems like her saying “they don’t even know you” is what drove it home for you. They don’t know you because they put no effort into it and that hurts.

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CescaPercie7 − NTA your family have decided women and girls do the thoughtful nurturing things and boys and men coast. Your Mother is possibly the driving force behind this?

sumoraiden − NTA don’t buy them gifts anymore

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Korrin − now my mother thinks I'm selfish for not appreciating the gifts. She told my father, and now he's pissed at me for not being grateful.. Hold up... Not appreciating *what gifts?* Grateful for *what???* I mean, let your mother know that you absolutely appreciate all the gifts she's buying for you.

She's clearly putting in the work to select these things for you. But your father and brother??? How can they not know you? How can they live with you and not even have the barest hint of what your interests are. They are lazy and thoughtless, and frankly, your mother is enabling them.

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Don't buy them gifts anymore. It's not even about the gifts, it's about them scrounging up an ounce of care for you. They could both buy you something as simple as a dollar store mug and it would be an improvement. Do they even know what colors you like? Favorite candy? Honestly, the bar is so low here and they're not even making the effort to approach it. Disgusting,

beckofeeze424 − NTA, but it sounds like you're more hurt at someone you've lived with for 15 years not knowing anything about you than the fact that they aren't getting you a gift.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. This might be more relationship advice though.

chunkeymunkeyandrunt − Your dad doesn’t ‘know you that well’ ?!?! Wtf?! What kind of mom allows that?? I’m so sorry you have been made aware of this. My heart is breaking for you. I would be devastated. You are NTA and I can’t believe your dad then got mad at you. I wouldn’t be shocked if you end up deciding to go low contact with them in adulthood.. To have a child and not get to know their interests .... I’m legit angry for you.

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cassidy1111111 − Ok I get that it sucks but now you know and can try to change it. As the only girl in a family of 5 boys (and youngest) my dad and I had the same(ish) problem. We got in a huge fight while I was a teenager and what resulted was my dad started baking with me, mostly just sat while I baked and we actually talked. Nothing life altering just talked.

And I started going to his wood shop with him and tried not to cut off any important pieces off my body (he was a woodworker). And again we talked laughed and sometimes argued. Didn’t happen overnight but our relationship improved significantly. Still had stupid teenager rebellion fights but my dad knows me, good and bad. So it may be up to you to start this and it may not end well but you should try.. Best wishes

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inzillah − NTA, but I'd suggest calmly bringing it up to the whole family sometime and suggest that the gifting traditions be changed. The way this post started I thought it was going to essentially be a whine-fest about not getting presents (which I'm glad it wasn't!), so they may hear that message too if you approach it in this way.

Try starting from the part where it hurts you that they don't seem to even try to know you or show affection through gifts, and you'd like to suggest a change. Maybe suggest that for Christmas you all do a secret Santa thing and only buy something bigger/special for one other person?

[Reddit User] − NTA. That is terrible! They are your family. What is the matter with them that this is acceptable??!!!! I am stunned really. It is not up to you to let them know. Your father is SUPPOSED to be your father. This seems extremely neglectful. Then we have to add that they are going on a trip on your birthday.

I understand your feelings as being the not the favourite child in my family. This is truly heartbreaking that I will agree. Your feelings are hurt for a valid reason and it is sad that they don’t get it.. You’re NTA. I question your dad’s n**lect of you in favour of your brother.

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These takes spark a question: was her upset a fair cry for care, or did she expect too much?

This giftless saga reveals a family’s failure to see a teen’s heart. The 15-year-old’s shock at her dad and brother’s zero effort in gift-giving, despite her thoughtful gestures, exposed a deeper disconnect. Her mom’s defense and dad’s anger only deepened the hurt. Was she right to feel betrayed, or should she let it slide? How would you handle loved ones who don’t try to know you? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo glowing!

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