AITA for being upset over my boyfriends proposal and engagement ring?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a bustling morning rush, a young mother hurries to get her child ready for daycare, brushing her hair in the bathroom mirror. Her boyfriend of three years, usually a loving partner and father, steps in with a ring in hand and a blunt “Will you marry me?” Mistaking it for a playful gesture, she laughs, slips on the chunky, mismatched ring, and dashes out. Only later does the truth sink in: this was her engagement moment, far from the heartfelt memory she’d hoped for.

The sting lingers as she eyes the ill-fitting sapphire ring, wrong in color and style, clashing with her taste. Her gentle suggestion to buy a simpler one sparks her fiancé’s offense, casting a shadow over their joy. This tale unfolds in the quiet of their home, where love meets disappointment, raising questions about effort, communication, and what makes a proposal truly special.

‘AITA for being upset over my boyfriends proposal and engagement ring?’

I’ll start by saying we’ve been together for 3 years. We have a great relationship and he’s a wonderful father to our child. The proposal really came out of nowhere. I was in the bathroom getting ready to take our little one to daycare, which we were already running late for.

My boyfriend walked in behind me and held a ring up in his hand and just said ‘Will you marry me?’ I honestly thought it was a joke and the ring was simply a gift. I laughed, said yes, put the ring on and left. When I got home and spoke to my boyfriend, I realized he actually *did* ask me to marry him.

I would’ve said yes either way (if it was a joke or not) but I was just left feeling a bit.. disappointed and empty, I guess. I’m not the biggest fan of the ring either. It’s big and chunky and uncomfortable to wear. It was meant to be sapphire to match my birthstone he said, but he ‘accidentally’ got the wrong colour.

It’s not my style and it doesn’t suit me whatsoever. We’ve never looked at engagement rings together so he wouldn’t know what I like. I mentioned this to him and asked if he would mind if I bought a smaller ring (with my own money) to wear instead but he got quite offended by that and called me ungrateful. He’s been moody ever since.

May I add that the ring he bought wasn’t expensive, so it’s not like he’d be wasting lots of money if I didn’t wear it. (Price doesn’t matter to me.) I wasn’t expecting a grand gesture or huge proposal.. but a little effort would’ve been nice, not just asking me in the damn bathroom. It’s meant to be a special moment and memory and it’s just.. not. AITA for being upset over this?

A woman’s disappointment in her boyfriend’s abrupt bathroom proposal and mismatched engagement ring reveals a gap in emotional investment that stings deeply. The rushed moment, paired with a ring that misses her style and birthstone, feels like a missed opportunity for a milestone meant to celebrate their bond. Her fiancé’s defensive reaction to her request for a new ring further widens the rift, signaling a lack of mutual understanding.

Dr. Gary Chapman, renowned for his work on love languages, notes, “Thoughtful gestures show partners they are truly seen and valued” . Chapman’s insight suggests the boyfriend’s lack of effort in planning the proposal or choosing a fitting ring overlooked her emotional needs. His moodiness when she voiced her feelings indicates a failure to prioritize her perspective, critical for a partnership like marriage.

This scenario reflects broader issues in relationship dynamics. A 2023 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 70% of couples report conflicts over unmet expectations in romantic gestures, often tied to poor communication . The woman’s desire for a meaningful proposal and a ring she loves isn’t about materialism but about feeling understood, a cornerstone of lasting relationships.

To mend this, open dialogue is essential. Psychology Today recommends couples discuss expectations calmly, focusing on feelings rather than blame, to align on future milestones . She could share how the proposal felt impersonal, while he could explain his choices. Exploring ring options together or planning a redo proposal could turn this stumble into a chance to deepen their connection.

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s community largely supported the woman, affirming her right to feel disappointed by a proposal that lacked thoughtfulness. They criticized the boyfriend’s bathroom setting and wrong-colored ring as signs of minimal effort, arguing that her request for a new ring was reasonable, especially since she offered to pay for it herself.

Many saw the fiancé’s offended reaction as selfish, emphasizing that a proposal should reflect the couple’s bond, not just his convenience. They urged her to communicate her feelings clearly, warning that his moodiness could signal deeper issues in valuing her perspective, crucial for a future marriage.

coastalshelves − NTA. I'm getting pretty f**king fed up with the notion that women should just be delighted with whatever low-effort, borderline insulting proposal/gift/anniversary a guy has planned. You are allowed to be disappointed. You are not being entitled. He got you the wrong thing and gave it to you at the wrong time. That sucks.

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sabaegsa404 − NTA the simple fact that you didn't even know it was a serious proposal is problematic to me. Sure a proposal doesn't have to be a big, grand gesture but when you're so busy getting your child ready that you didn't even have a moment to think?

And now he's moody because you're not beaming with joy at his half-ass spur of the moment proposal with a ring that's not even close to something you would like? You're right, a little effort would've been nice.

A little thought, showing that he actually cared would've been nice. I'm betting if you really give it some thought, this isn't the only time you've felt like he doesn't really care or put any effort in.

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Jestatic − NTA. I don't understand the comments saying you should be grateful... Grateful about what? That someone wants to marry you? Everyone should have standards in a relationship, and that includes a standard for your partner considering your feelings.

It sounds like he didn't put any thought into the ring or proposal at all, and I get why that hurts. While I don't think he intended to hurt your feelings, he definitely should have given this more thought. It's an opportunity to show your partner what they mean to you.

9mackenzie − NTA- you are upset because it seems like he put zero thought into the entire thing. Getting the wrong color stone, not trying to find your style,...and above all proposing in the freaking bathroom!!!!!

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[Reddit User] − NTA and he is. People are 'explaining' how he feels and justifying his moodiness all they want- but here is the simple truth- he took a moment that is supposed to be about the couple and made it solely about him; how he feels, what he did, how he did it. You might as well be a vending machine *insert ring, collect validation below*.

This is the engagement ring you will wear for the rest of **YOUR** life- it is not selfish to say 'babe I love you and money means nothing, but this is not my style'. If my wife had said that to me I would have been so excited to go shopping with her

but I knew her pretty well and I kept it simple- we can always upgrade in the future anyways!. He has no right or reason to be upset, except his own selfishness and ego.. You are not the a**hole here, he is.

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liilfoxxie − NTA at all. He asked you in the bathroom? Really? He couldn’t ask you in the bedroom at least? lmao. As for the ring, it should be something YOU love. You’re the one who has to wear it.

stabintavern − “Will you marry me”. “Not if you’re asking me in a bathroom”

avesthasnosleeves − Boy, I was all set to hit the yes-you-are macro, but...no. No, you are not. He doesn't sound like someone who's ready to get married: No conversation about it. No discussion of what the engagement looks like. No discussion of the type of ring you want, the budget, how the two of you will pay for it.... Marriage is, at its heart, a partnership, and he does not sound like a partner.. NTA

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GenderfreeNameHere − You’re never TA for feeling how you feel. I’m going NAH. Granted, bf failed at romance, and at picking out jewelry, but that doesn’t make him TA. Just like being disappointed doesn’t make you TA.

I don’t like that you “mentioned this to him”. If you are upset, you should have a discussion, not a “mention” I suggest watching some YouTube videos about conflict and disagreement in relationships so you both can handle this like adults with minimal emotional pain.

rosylux − NTA, and I hope all the people saying you should be grateful also accept the first job offer that comes to them, or agree to every favour they're asked to do. If they're employers themselves

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I hope they never expect more than the bare minimum from their employees, because at least they made *some* sort of effort. You're not entitled hoping for a modicum of effort from someone you might be spending the rest of your life with.

This woman’s bittersweet engagement story highlights the weight of small moments in love. A hasty proposal and an ill-chosen ring left her yearning for more effort, sparking a clash that tests their bond. How do you navigate mismatched expectations in a relationship’s big moments? Share your stories and insights below.

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