AITA for being upset about the ‘no gift’ rule that my M.I.L. set TODAY?

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As the Christmas lights twinkled and the scent of fresh-baked cookies filled her home, one woman thought she’d nailed the holiday spirit with a stash of carefully crafted gifts for her husband’s family. Months of stitching towels, etching steins, and snagging Black Friday deals had her tree overflowing with love.

But five days before Christmas, her mother-in-law dropped a bombshell: no gifts allowed, or don’t bother coming. Stunned and hurt, she faced her husband’s dismissal of her efforts, sparking a festive feud. This Reddit tale dives into the chaos of holiday expectations and family control, leaving readers wondering: is she wrong to be upset, or is this Grinch-like rule unfair?

‘AITA for being upset about the ‘no gift’ rule that my M.I.L. set TODAY?’

Anyway onto the problem. On Thanksgiving day my M.I.L. said she wasn't giving gifts to anyone but the toddlers in the family. That's cool. I understand that. We're all adults. No one is struggling really and Christmas isn't about the gifts. So I was cool with that. No problems.

But, I already have gifts for *everyone* in my husbands family. I've had them for MONTHS. I also embroidered hand towels for each couple with their last name initial, and I etched steins for the single guys in the family (all of them love a cold beer). All this week, after finishing up all the gifts, I've been wrapping my heart out.

Underneath the tree is full and I'm able to relax now because everything (but baking cookies and making the fudge that both sides of our family's request) is done. My husband comes home today and says 'I talked to my mom. She told me that if we bring gifts, she will not allow us in the house.' I'm instantly upset. Because I've put a lot of thought and time into everything for everyone.

I'm so excited for everyone to get their gifts. My husband told me I'm being irrational, and I have no reason to be upset. I am upset though *because* she just now tells us (well, him) this. 5 days before Christmas. After I've gotten everything wrapped and ready to go. He is making me feel like s**t for being upset about this and basically telling me to get over it.. So reddit, AITA?

Edit: F**k it. If they see it, they see it. I'm taking down the other one because of the backlash I'm getting. I've never worried about my posts being seen so I didn't do anonymous. I apologize. I'm not trying to make this difficult.

I'm just trying to keep everyone updated because y'all are helping me cope with this. I appreciate you all. So we all know Christmas is coming next week. I am one of those people that shop throughout the year. Just 'hey this person would like this! Imma buy it for them for Christmas!' And then I put it in a closet.

Edit: Many of you have mentioned taking the presents and leaving them in the trunk. I am going to do this. The husband says he will call the MIL tomorrow and talk to her about it. Idk what will be said and quite frankly, I don't want to go. I'll update as this story progresses.

Edit 2: Many of you have mentioned one upping the MIL and 'spending a lot of money and making others feel belittled.' I started buying in January. I found the towels on clearance. I Got the steins for cheap as well ($1 each). Found the scarves on black friday.

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I do something personalized and handmade yearly because growing up poor, that is what I have always done. It is how I was taught *because* it saves money. I just want to make everyone smile and feel like they were thought about. Even if only for a brief moment.

As far as giving them next year for birthdays etc. Well, many of them are relevant to the season. Some are really only for Christmas time. Some glasses have Christmas decorations and some towels are skewed more towards Christmas. The scarves are meant for this time of year. And here, down south, our coldest months are January-March. So scarves are meant for this season.

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Husband still hasn't called. I doubt he will. I was up until 4am talking with him. He seems to be more on my side now and is recognizing his s**tty behavior. Once again, we'll see what happens. Many mentioned r/JustNoMIL. I am going to do that. I'd like some support on these issues.

This is not the first time that there have been issues between she and I. She hasn't been very supportive of me. This is a pattern. It just seems that she is becoming more difficult and even more unreasonable lately. Thank you all for the encouragement and the positive feedback  I am trying to respond to everything. I will update again soon..

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Edit 3: Husband still hasn't called. Figured as much. These gifts are meant for Christmas/this season. I can't really gift them for birthdays. As far as them coming to my home afterwards, I am 80% sure they wouldn't want to. I'd be willing to bet that they would just run to her and cause more problems..

Edit 4: Update! Husband called MIL. He bucked up to her and made it clear that I have put a lot of work into stuff and how disappointed I am to be told that. She said she understood and she asked why he didn't say that initially. I'm not sure what else was said because I was in the middle of making peanut brittle so I had to run back into the kitchen.

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But it seems he just had to grow a pair and ya know TALK. This is something he is aware of and he says he will work on. We'll see. Once again, I have a lot to re-evaluate in this relationship. He and I have had numerous talks and I did get mad at him and I did lowkey fly off the handle this morning. I'm tired of fighting with everyone just to be appreciated and respected.

All in all. We'll be bringing our gifts and she is aware of it. I AM dressing up as Mrs.Claus for obvious reasons! I have also made it clear that I will NOT tolerate anything like this again, from either party. I will say my piece regardless, and I plan on confronting her myself on Christmas day.. I will update again on Christmas day and let y'all know if I need bail money..

Final update: Husband and I arrived with all of the cheesecake and pies I had baked, as well as the gifts. After he called her, she told him *she* wasn't planning on giving gifts. We go into the main room and put the gifts under the tree.... just to see that all of the people there had already opened their presents.

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We gave ours out, and we didn't get a gift from anyone. Just a card from his mother. That was it. I just sat at the dining room table and excluded myself because we ALL know that was a set up. No one talked to me. No one noticed I wasn't in the main room. Not until I got up to go get a dessert plate.

I pulled the husband aside and made it clear that I was ready to go. He obliged. We came home and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon and night with my family. Oh and yes, I did wear a santa hat, a red sweater, and had a present sack when I went into the in-laws house.

Christmas is supposed to bring families together, but this Reddit user’s holiday took a sour turn with her mother-in-law’s abrupt “no gift” rule. Her months of crafting personalized presents clashed with a sudden boundary, leaving her feeling unappreciated. Her husband’s dismissal deepened the sting, highlighting a rift in family dynamics.

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Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, notes, “Gift-giving is a key expression of love for some, and dismissing it can feel like rejecting their affection”. Studies show 60% of people value personalized gifts as a sign of care, especially during holidays. The MIL’s rule, enforced so late, seems controlling, while the husband’s lack of support risks alienating his wife.

This reflects broader issues of holiday expectations and family power struggles. Open communication—perhaps a family discussion about traditions—could ease tensions. The user might share her gifts post-holiday to honor her efforts.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit chimed in with a sleigh-full of support for the user, tossing shade at the MIL’s last-minute edict and the husband’s apathy, all with a festive sprinkle of humor. Here’s what they said:

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twopinkgiraffes - NTA But you’re also an adult. Drop by the rest of your family another time and give them your gifts.. Your MIL is being ridiculous, dictating how grown adults celebrate Christmas. Maybe next year someone else should host Christmas.

ten_before_six - NTA. I'd have said NAH if she hadn't thrown the 'you won't be allowed in the house' out there because she probably didn't know how much work you'd put in but... you did put the work in so getting petty about it now is s**tty on her part.

That being said. You don't need her permission to give people gifts, you just need permission to come to her house. I would just leave the gifts in the trunk and as each couple left offer to 'walk them to their car.'

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WebbieVanderquack - NTA. Both your MIL and your husband suck. You can't suddenly instigate a 'no gifts' policy days before Christmas, and your gifts sound thoughtful and meaningful.. I hope your husband has a nice Christmas alone with his mother.

jeffsang - NTA Not let you in the house?!? Perhaps this is just a joke? If she's at all serious, she's really s**tty for pulling this on you (and everyone else) 5 days before Christmas. Your husband is an a**hole for not recognizing and appreciating how much effort you put into this ON HIS BEHALF FOR HIS FAMILY.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Five days before Christmas everyone is mostly done shopping already. She should have told you this at Thanksgiving, at the latest.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. Why does she set the rules? You are all adults and can give gifts if you want. You aren't even wanting things for you, just wanting to be generous. Your husband seems unable to set any boundaries with his mama.

guinness222 - NTA. Bring the presents and say loudly that they are from Santa in front of the kids.

Kicking222 - NTA. That's totally absurd. If you don't want to give gifts, fine, but setting a rule for everyone else on December 20th is idiotic.

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levine0 - NTA, lol, what? Doesn't your husband understand that you might have already taken care of most presents this close to C-day (and did he not contribute or even mention Christmas gifts, by the way...)? Did he think you somehow already knew about the 'rule'?

Did everyone else in the family already know not to buy gifts or do they never do gifts between adults and nobody informed you? Either your MIL and husband are being majorly unreasonable, or there's a bit of unfortunate miscommunication. Maybe you can give everyone their gifts individually at a later time.

ask081906 - NTA actually going through something similar and pretty upset. It sounds like you put a lot of time and effort into the gifts. Have you explained this to your MIL? Maybe she thinks she is being helpful and doesn't know how you feel.

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Reddit’s jingling with opinions, but are they unwrapping the full story or just decking the halls with snark?

This Reddit user’s Christmas spirit was dimmed by a mother-in-law’s sudden gift ban and a husband who didn’t have her back. Her handmade presents, crafted with love, became a battleground for family control. Was she wrong to be upset, or is the MIL’s rule a holiday humbug? How would you handle a last-minute change to your holiday plans? Share your thoughts or festive family drama!

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