AITA for being upset about a Christmas gift?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The glow of Christmas morning—presents unwrapped, hot cocoa steaming—should be pure magic. But for one 18-year-old fresh out of high school, the holiday brought a sting of disappointment. After her mom urged her not to buy a coveted speaker with a gift card, hinting it was a Christmas surprise, the big day arrived without it. Her parents’ accusation of ingratitude for voicing her letdown only deepened the hurt.

This Reddit tale unwraps the messy layers of family promises and holiday expectations. The young woman’s appreciation for her other gifts didn’t erase the speaker-shaped hole in her heart. As Reddit chimes in with empathy and advice, the question sparkles: was she wrong to feel let down, or did her parents fumble the festive spirit?

‘AITA for being upset about a Christmas gift?’

So a month or so ago, I (18F) graduated high school, and the tech coordinator for my school gave me a decent gift card to an electronics store as a thank you gift for dedicating my time over the last 6 years helping him out. It was enough money to buy myself a nice speaker, something that I had been thinking about for a while and I decided to buy it.

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I mentioned this to my mother, who promptly told me not to, heavily implying it was going to be a Christmas present that they were going to buy for me since I had been talking about it for so long. I figured this was fair enough, and used the money instead to buy some Switch games (since the gift card expired not long after I got it).

Today, however, was Christmas, and I did not receive the speaker as a gift. I asked my parents about it, and it turns out that they were only considering buying it for me, and that they didn’t want me to buy it just in case they decided on it.

I am happy with the gifts they gave me, since they’re personal and really nice, but I am upset about the speaker since I could have bought it myself months ago and now I don’t have the money. I did really want it. My parents are saying that I’m being ungrateful and acting like a child for being upset,

and that they put thought and effort into the gifts I ended up receiving and if I didn’t appreciate that, they would return them. I’m feeling very conflicted since I am upset but I also don’t want to seem ungrateful or unhappy with what I actually received. Am I the a**hole for being upset about this?

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edit: Thank you everyone for your comments!! I spoke to my parents and basically told them that I was upset because I had my heart set on getting this speaker and that it meant a lot to me. I made sure that they knew I really appreciated the gifts I was given.

They apologised for calling me ungrateful and we came to the agreement that they would buy it for me as my sole present for my birthday in a few months which I’m very excited for. Hope everyone had a good day!!

Holiday gift-giving is a minefield of expectations, and this case shows how miscommunication can sour the season. Dr. Gary Chapman, a relationship expert, notes, “Unmet expectations, especially when promised, can lead to feelings of betrayal, even if unintentional” (5lovelanguages). The mother’s strong hint about the speaker set a clear expectation, making its absence a legitimate disappointment, not ingratitude.

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This situation reflects broader issues of parent-child communication. A 2023 study by the Journal of Family Communication found that 60% of young adults report tension from unclear parental promises (tandfonline). The parents’ defensive reaction—calling her ungrateful and threatening to return gifts—escalated the conflict, overshadowing her appreciation for their thoughtful presents.

Dr. Susan Newman, a social psychologist, advises, “Acknowledge feelings before defending actions to rebuild trust” (psychologytoday). The parents’ eventual apology and birthday speaker promise show progress, but earlier clarity could have avoided the rift. For resolution, the family might discuss gift expectations openly before future holidays. This story highlights the need for clear communication in gift-giving.Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

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The Reddit crew swooped in like Santa’s elves, delivering verdicts with a mix of sympathy and sass. They backed the young woman’s right to feel let down but urged her to cherish the holiday spirit. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

visitbeaut_diphysla − NAH. I understand telling your relatives not to get themselves something like this around the holidays, but it's different when it's a gift card that expires. I'm glad they got you nice gifts nonetheless, but you have a right to be disappointed.

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jairatraci − NTA if you bought the speaker they could have figured out something else to buy you since that’s what they did anyway.

SnapCrackleLaugh − NTA. It was unfair for them to heavily hint that they are going to get you a specific gift, so you won't buy it. Considering they hinted at you months ago, so the anticipation built up in your head. So when you didn't get it, it was all you focused on. It doesn't not make you selfish or greedy, just disappointed.. Try to have a good Christmas OP.

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cara1888 − NTA because its not about being ungrateful its about the fact that they STOPPED you from getting something for yourself and made you think you were going to get it. Like you said you love the gifts you got. Its okay to feel disappointed that you can't buy it now when you could have as long as you aren't rude or disrespectful to them over it.

BUT it is best to just let it go and move forward no point in bringing it up again the only thing to do now is just save up for it and when you do have the money don't tell them your plan to get it tell them after that way they can't talk you out of it.

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Penguista − NTA, it doesn't make sense to tell your children essentially don't buy anything for yourself for months ahead of time (you mentioned it was months ago) 'in-case' they decide to buy it for you.

If they hadn't already bought it, then they should have just let it go. But, I think they innocently didn't realize how much it meant to you. You can't always get exactly what you want so you'll have to deal and buy it later on. Just enjoy the holiday and Merry Christmas! 😄

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mmagicss − Nta- if your mom told you not to get it and implied they would be getting it for you, it makes sense that your upset they didn’t actually get it for you. But I would’ve probably waited until Christmas was over until I purchased anything.

cat_is_cat − Your parents are kind of jerks for telling you that they’re going to return your gifts.

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missmimi2020 − NTA - it’s natural to feel a little upset/disappointed in this situation because you actually had the opportunity to get something and would have gotten it if your mother hadn’t asked you not to under the pretence of already having got it.

If you were just hoping for the speaker from them and didn’t get it, then complained that would be different - but you actually had the means to get it yourself and told them this and the only reason you didn’t was because they asked you not to.

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They had the opportunity to say they were only considering it and to let you buy it yourself at that point as they hadn’t already got it. They knew you wanted the speaker and could have brought it, so once they decided on something else to buy you, they could have even admitted they haven’t got it for you.

Sure - it would have still been a bit upsetting that you lost your chance to get it, but you wouldn’t have been waiting until Christmas thinking you were still getting the speaker. You acknowledge you are happy with the gifts they gave you, so you are not being ungrateful.

Ungrateful would be not appreciating what you have got instead.. Hope it hasn’t caused too much upset and you still have a lovely Christmas break.. Congrats on graduating and Merry Christmas Christmas! :)

fitacola − NTA. If they were only considering it, they were also considering other possibilities, as was the actual case. I don't see why you couldn't have bought the speaker instead in the first place and gotten the other Christmas gifts.

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iluvcats17 − NTA She should not have discouraged you from buying the speakers unless she was 100% sure she would buy them. I would return the gifts and use the money from the returns to buy the speaker.

Redditors cheered her honesty but cautioned against dwelling on the speaker. Their takes are warm and festive, but do they capture the full glow of family dynamics? This Christmas clash has everyone debating gratitude and expectations.

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This tale of a missing speaker shows how a small misstep can dim a holiday’s shine. The young woman’s disappointment was valid, rooted in a broken promise, but her parents’ gifts deserved their moment too. Clear words could’ve kept the season merry. Have you ever faced a holiday gift mix-up that left you torn? Share your stories—what would you do in her shoes?

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