AITA for being too heavy a sleeper? It bothers my husband, now that we are about to have a baby.

Imagine a cozy bedroom, where one partner slumbers like a bear in hibernation, oblivious to blaring alarms or frantic knocking, while the other lies awake, jolted by every creak. For this couple, expecting their first baby, her rock-solid sleep is no longer just a quirky trait—it’s a brewing storm. Raised in a noisy household and hardened by Navy life, she sleeps through chaos, but her light-sleeper husband fears she’ll miss their baby’s cries or emergencies.

As their due date looms, his frustration grows—she slept through a kitchen fire alarm, a locked-out husband’s pleas, and even newborn twins crying next door. Her practical fixes, like louder alarms or baby monitors, get shot down, leaving her wondering if she’s the problem. This tale of clashing sleep habits and looming parenthood has Reddit buzzing with empathy and advice. Is she wrong for how she sleeps, or is communication the real issue?

‘AITA for being too heavy a sleeper? It bothers my husband, now that we are about to have a baby.’

So I've always slept like a rock. I'm the oldest of 9 siblings and my family didn't have a lot of money and we always were packed into small apartments. I can sleep through anything, kids screaming or babies crying, fighting, car alarms, sirens, noisy neighbors, anything. Lights don't bother me either.

I joined the Navy right out of high school too, and that made me even more ready to catch some solid zzzs whenever possible. Made me sleep through jostling and rocking too, since I had to get used to sleeping on rough seas and in tight quarters. My husband is a very light sleeper.

We are pregnant now. My husband has been getting frustrated with me for how heavily I sleep. He's worried that when we have our baby I'll be dead to the world and he'll have more responsibilities. A few things that worried him were...

He had his brother over and they had a small fire in the kitchen when they were cooking. I was taking a nap and the smoke alarm didn't wake me up. Luckily they put it out quickly but he was really worried that if I was alone with our baby I'd not notice the smoke alarm.

I suggested we get a louder one or see if we can set up the sort that calls the fire department automatically. Next, I was home alone and went to bed. He lost his keys on a night out with friends and was banging on the door, ringing the bell, and calling my phone, the landline phone, etc.

I stayed asleep. He went to sleep at his friends spare room instead. He said that we needed to do something before the baby comes because if I'm asleep and there is an emergency, I'll be unreachable. I said maybe he should hide some spare keys in the yard to avoid this issue. He felt I was missing the point

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Lastly, we were taking a weekend trip to visit his family. We were sleeping in the room next to his sister who has newborn twins. Apparently when I was asleep the twins both started crying and it was super loud through the thin walls.

I didn't stir at all and he realized that when we have our baby I probably won't be woken by crying in the night. I said that maybe we could get a baby monitor and crank the volume up extra high, or he could just give me a shake.

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He said I was missing the point again, it is a problem that for 8 or more hours a day I'm totally dead to the world and unreachable. And that I need to 'fix it' before I'm a parent or else he's going to feel like he can't count on me to be there for our baby, or to be responsive in an emergency.

I said that I was trying to find ways to work around my heavy sleeping like getting a louder fire alarm or hooking up a baby monitor to some loud speakers to amplify it. He said he can't live in a house where every sound is turned up to 11 and I needed to do something else.

I don't know what to do, I don't think I can just start sleeping less well? I've always been a sound sleeper and unbothered by noise and light because I've never had a quiet dark place to sleep until I was like 25.. AITA for being so heavy a sleeper?

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This couple’s clash over sleep habits underscores the stress of impending parenthood. Dr. Michael Breus, a sleep specialist, notes on The Sleep Doctor that “deep sleepers may struggle to wake for external stimuli, especially if conditioned by noisy environments.” Her background—growing up with eight siblings and Navy training—explains her ability to sleep through fire alarms or crying babies, but it understandably alarms her husband.

This issue reflects a broader challenge: aligning differing needs as new parents. A 2022 study from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found 70% of new parents report sleep disruptions, often exacerbated by mismatched sleep patterns. Her husband’s fear of being solely responsible for nighttime duties is valid, but his rejection of her solutions—like amplified baby monitors—suggests communication gaps. Her suggestions show effort, but his demand to “fix” her sleep may be unrealistic without medical intervention.

Dr. Breus advises, “Couples should create a sleep plan before baby arrives, including backup systems like vibrating monitors.” She could explore wearable alarms that vibrate to wake her or consult a sleep specialist to rule out underlying issues. Both partners should discuss dividing nighttime duties to ease his burden, fostering teamwork. Open dialogue, perhaps with a counselor, can align their expectations.

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For others facing similar tensions, practical tools and honest talks can bridge differences. Her heavy sleeping isn’t a flaw—it’s a trait that needs creative solutions to ensure both parents feel supported as they step into this new chapter.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit gang dove into this sleep saga like it’s a late-night parenting podcast, tossing out support and practical tips with a side of sass. It’s like they’re all huddled around a campfire, debating who’s got the louder snore. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

alphagirl22 − NAH I too grew up with lots of siblings and am a very heavy sleeper. As soon as my kids kids were born, while I would not wake up for anything else the sound of their cries had me up in seconds.

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d1zz186 − NAH, as a new mum to a 4 week old let me assure you that YOU WILL WAKE UP! I have slept through hotel evacuations, fire alarms, locked out drunk housemates, screaming kids, plane flights - you name it, I’ve slept through it all! But now, when she stirs I’m awake.

Even if she’s not crying, just babbling. You really do become attuned to it, it’s scientific, not junk ‘magic’ old wives tales. Your hormones will literally change the way you respond, and your boobs will become engorged and be painful every 2-4 hours no matter what.

He’s not wrong to worry but you can literally do nothing about it until your body changes. He should concentrate on what he can control and learn and figure out himself.. Congratulations, it’s exhausting but amazing and seriously, from one grave sleeper to another - you WILL WAKE UP! :)

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draugrswaugr − NTA, you're trying to find solutions and he just wants the problem to not exist. He's being childish.

trashchaos − NTA. I have no idea how you can be considered an AH for the way you sleep which you don’t even control but here we are??? It IS possible this will partly change after you give birth. I was far more alert at night after giving birth and I’m not the only one I know with the same experience.

If it doesn’t, I don’t think you should be forced to have unrestful sleep all the time when you’ll already be sleep deprived from a baby and be healing from birth. It’s also ridiculous he wants you to fix it but rejects your solutions like things being louder. I’m not sure how he expects you to change something you don’t control.

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Throwaway9753134680 − INFO:. OP, in the past how have you successfully woken yourself for school, work, military training, early doctor's appointments, etc?

Parking_Injury_3570 − Nah. He is correct to be concerned. My ex had sleep apnea and his unwillingness to treat it led to the end of our marriage. It is a nightmare being married to someone who won't wake up.

idreaminwords − INFO: Your husband has totally valid concerns and you're not really addressing them. How do you plan to take care of an infant, who requires feeding throughout the night, if you won't wake up to hear them cry? Are you just going to rely on him shaking you awake?Does that actually wake you up?

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Or are you impossible to rise even with physical contact? If a literal fire alarm going off doesn't wake up up, a baby crying through a baby monitor certainly isn't going to. And as an aside, a fire alarm that automatically dials 911 is not going to save your baby as fast as you should be able to take them out of the burning house well before 911 arrives.

nerothic − NAH.. I can understand your husband's worries and it's not your fault for being a heavy sleeper. What baffles me is that you come with suggestions and he shoots them down and demands you ' fix it'.. Well your sleep behaviour might change when you become a parent..... or it doesn't.. Your heavy sleeping might be something medically but maybe not.

[Reddit User] − NAH. That's not to say it isn't a problem if this continues after the baby is born. However, I wouldn't panic yet. It's a lot harder to sleep through the cry of your own baby than it is a lot of other things, and your hormones will be changing quite a bit and that will affect your sleeping as well.

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Main_Potential_6015 − I have the same problem with my wife and our baby is now turning 1. I worry if I wasn't around she would sleep through the baby crying or something happening in the house.

I've expressed the same things to her, I can't be confident leaving her alone for overnight trips if she isn't hearing and reacting to things in the house. You definitely need to find solutions instead of making everything in the house louder cause fire always and babies are loud asf already...and you aren't hearing it now will be a problem.

Redditors mostly see no villains here, praising her solutions while validating his concerns. Some share tales of waking to their own babies’ cries, but do these optimistic takes account for every deep sleeper’s reality? This story’s got everyone dreaming up solutions.

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This expectant mom’s deep sleep, forged in chaos and Navy bunks, is a superpower turned liability as parenthood nears. Her husband’s worries are real, but her proactive ideas show she’s trying. It’s a reminder that new parents must navigate differences with patience and teamwork. What would you do if your partner’s sleep habits clashed with parenting needs—lean on tech or talk it out? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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