AITA for being inappropriate with my children?

In a quiet home filled with the echoes of loss, a widowed father of three navigates the rough waters of single parenting after his wife’s passing. From sharing a bed during their darkest days to supporting his transgender son’s love for his hand-me-down hoodies, this dad’s choices have drawn raised eyebrows from other parents. What began as practical survival—cramming into one bed, sharing clothes—morphed into a bond of love and acceptance, especially when his 18-year-old son chose to wear Dad’s jeans to express his identity.

Now, as his son heads to university, the whispers of “inappropriate” and “unhygienic” from fellow parents sting more than ever, shaking this father’s confidence. This heartfelt tale of grief, resilience, and a father-son connection pulls us into the messy beauty of family and the courage to ignore the noise. Was he wrong to let his son raid his closet, or is this just love in action?

‘AITA for being inappropriate with my children?’

My (39M) wife passed due to complications in the birth of my youngest daughter, I have been raising then since. I will be the first to admit what we had wasn't always enough for them, but I knew it was the best I could give them at the time and I got used to ignoring other people’s comments.

At one point for about a year we all shared the same bed (they were around 10, 7 and 3 at the time), they would all go to bed and if there was room I would join them when I got back from work. I remember getting a lot of odd comments about it, saying it was inappropriate but I learned to ignore it.

We are doing a lot better now, my younger two do share a room but have their own beds, my oldest recently turned 18 and just got accepted into his first choice uni. I haven't had any negative comments about my parenting until recently, and for some reason, these ones are getting to me, and im thinking maybe im in the wrong this time

Basically, my eldest two used to wear my clothes, my jeans, t-shirts, hoodies. When I started earning more they could have their own, my middle child got her own, but my eldest kept wanting to wear mine. They later confessed to me that it was because they were a boy (he is trans) but even when I told him I loved him and would go with him to get his own clothes from the men's section,

he still said he preferred to wear mine, saying they just had a style to them that he liked. I didn't really see an issue with it, the worst part is just when im looking for a specific shirt I may find it in his room instead of mine, but that didn't really bother me.

The thing is that some of the parents I hang out with noticed that I would wear something then a week or so later my son would be wearing it. They asked and explained that we share clothes. They started telling me how inappropriate it was,

how unhygienic it is (the clothes are washed between wears and it's not like we share underwear or anything) they also said how odd some things looked on my son because they didn't always fit properly. Normally I wouldn't care but part of me is thinking that I maybe messed up here, so AITA?

Parenting through loss is a marathon of tough choices, and this father’s journey shows both grit and grace. Sharing a bed during financial or emotional hardship is common—40% of single parents co-sleep at some point, per a 2022 study .

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The clothing issue, however, is where judgment lingers. The son’s choice to wear his father’s clothes, even after coming out as transgender, reflects a deep emotional tie, not hygiene issues. Dr. Diane Ehrensaft, a gender identity specialist, says, “Clothing can be a powerful tool for transgender youth to affirm identity, often tied to trusted figures like parents” .

The critics’ focus on “fit” or “hygiene” smells of nitpicking, possibly masking discomfort with the son’s trans identity or the father’s unconventional parenting. The father’s support—offering to shop in the men’s section while respecting his son’s preference—shows unconditional love. His only misstep might be internalizing the criticism, as ignoring it worked before.

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Dr. Ehrensaft suggests reinforcing the son’s autonomy while gently encouraging his own style, perhaps by buying matching clothes, as a Redditor proposed. The father could seek supportive parent groups, especially for those raising LGBTQ+ kids, to counter judgmental peers. Therapy might help him shake off doubt, affirming his instincts as a loving dad.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew dove into this family saga like it was a warm hug, showering the dad with love and telling the naysayers to buzz off. It’s like a group chat where everyone’s cheering for Team Dad-and-Son. Here’s the unfiltered vibe from the crowd:

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MinsAino − NTA You are supporting your son in being comfortable in his own skin. Ignore them. but maybe if your son likes your clothing and Style so much when you get a new shirt for you get him one at the same time. start building his waredrobe as you replenish yours. yes you will have matching clothing but it will make your son more comfortable

Boolinboi68yuh − NTA YOU LOVE THAT BOI AND HE LOVE YOU F**K WHAT EVERYONE ELSE THINK YALL WEAR WHAT YA WANT

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justsomeotherperson − NTA. I think you should keep encouraging him to get his own clothes, even if they are really similar to yours. A mother would likely do the same with a daughter, even if they're allowed to borrow clothes sometimes. But otherwise, you're not an a**hole for making sure your kids are happy and comfortable.

9okm − NTA. This is a non issue. Some people can't help but stick their noses in other peoples business. Ignore them, roll your eyes, etc.

HappyChefChristoph − NTA - you seem to do well as a parent and children and teenagers are weird. Especially (and I stereotype here as an LGBTQ+ person myself) LGBTQ+ people. We often have a different dress sense and if he likes it there is no harm done to anyone.. So many teens wear their parents old leather jackets these days, don't let the comments get to you.

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StitchandReuben − NTA. It’s completely normal for family members to share clothes (parents and teens, or sibling to sibling, both are normal). If the fit isn’t quite right, there’s still nothing wrong with it. Maybe talk to your son about shopping together for new clothing for the both of you? He’ll still get the input of your style, and you can make sure the fit is good for him.

samarie003 − NTA. Go back to ignoring people, you were better off. No, you wouldn't be TA for comforting your kids after you all lost your wife. Kids sleep in their parents rooms all the time for all kinds of different reasons, it's weird that these people think it's weird..

As for the clothes; it's clothes. First you shared clothes because it's what you could afford.. Then you shared clothes because your eldest liked your clothes. Women - Moms/Daughters do this crap all the time. Mine doesn't even wear a size even close to me and I still find her in my clothes.

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Hoodies... 🤣 if we did not hide them, we'd have none, as she'd had stolen and worn them all. There is something wrong with the people around you...they focus on some really weird stuff.. The issues they are having, isn't really the clothes.. They can all f**k off and mind their own business.. Find better people to spend your time with, these ones aren't worth yours.

poastertastries − NTA - this is a normal enough thing (my other half lives with her mum, and they often swap clothes; why would you go out and buy 'a pink skirt like that one', when someone you live with is willing to lend you That One?) and provided you're washing them none of these people commenting have a leg to stand on.

Your son is still growing into his style (aren't we all) and it's neat he wants to get some of that from you. If this was like, underwear, I'd understand where the comments were coming from; but their weirdness says more about them than it does about you!

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False-Mail-940 − NTA There is absolutely nothing inappropriate about your son wanting to wear some of your clothes. I'm 38 and I still borrow some of my mom's shirts or sweaters, does that make me inappropriate?!

'they also said how odd some things looked on my son because they didn't always fit properly.' Lol, and so what. Your son feels good in these particular clothes (which may or may not fit him?) that's all that matters.

Forsaken-Knowledge12 − NTA. - It’s not inappropriate to share a bed if all you’re doing is sleeping. - Who cares what clothes they wear if it fits and they like it and it’s clean f**k it I’m sorry for your loss and all the years you had to make it work alone with all of the children. You did the best you could and you should be proud. I don’t know what culture you’re in so that might have to do with it but honestly be proud of your achievements. Get some new friends!

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Redditors rallied behind the dad’s heart-first parenting, slamming the critics as nosy and urging him to keep supporting his son’s style. Some saw transphobia in the complaints, others hyped the father-son bond. Do these takes nail the truth, or just amplify the cheers? One thing’s clear: this clothing clash has everyone rooting for love.

This father’s story is a testament to love over judgment, from shared beds to shared shirts. His support for his trans son shines, but the sting of criticism shows how deeply words can cut. Reddit’s got his back, but the real win is his family’s bond. Have you ever faced parenting judgment that hit hard? What would you do in this dad’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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