AITA For being honest with my wife about her sister living with us?

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Imagine a cozy home, ready for quiet nights and new adventures after the kids move out. For a couple married 30 years, this empty nest dream fizzled when the wife’s sister moved in post-separation. The husband, craving his planned retirement, feels trapped as the temporary favor stretches on, sparking a clash with his wife.

Is he wrong to demand boundaries, or is family loyalty clouding their peace? This Reddit tale dives into a messy domestic standoff.

‘AITA For being honest with my wife about her sister living with us?’

My wife and I have been married for 30-years and we have 2 adult children. Last year was the first time that neither of our children was living with us, my son moved out after living with us for 3 years after getting out of the army, and my daughter moved in with her fiance.

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All of the plans that we had talked about for years regarding remodeling our home and travelling were beginning to become more of a reality and I was looking forward to planning our retirement together. Then covid hit. My daughter broke up with her fiance and moved back home during the summer, so our empty nest lasted all of 6-months.

A couple months ago, my wife's sister separated from her husband and has moved in with us as well. When SIL came to my wife about moving in, my wife welcomed her with open arms. I wasn't against her moving in, but I was very clear with my wife that this was not a permanent situation and SIL needed to figure out a place of her own.

There were multiple obstacles to that. SIL doesn't work and hasn't for a decade, she's been a housewife. SIL also doesn't drive. She seems to have taken on a role of housewife in our home now. She walks our dogs during the day, keeps the house clean, does laundry, and has offered to cook but honestly I really dislike her cooking so we told her she doesn't need to do that.

I asked my wife the other day if she had talked to SIL about her plans and my wife was very evasive, saying that SIL is going through a hard time, doesn't know if she will get divorced or not, and needs our support. I told her we have been supporting her for months and I need to know that she's not thinking of this as a permanent solution.

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Well, yesterday my wife and SIL leave the house saying they are running errands. They come back a few hours later with the car packed full of SIL's stuff. They went to her house and grabbed a bunch of her things and brought them to our house, not exactly the temporary solution I was hoping for.

I confronted my wife later that day and told her that I was not happy with the current situation. She accused me of being heartless and hating her sister. I told her that I don't hate her sister, I just don't want to live with her. We just got the kids out of the house and now it seems that people just keep moving back in.

I asked if SIL has even thought of getting a job and my wife blew up at me, saying that I have no idea what SIL is going through and all I need to do is support her right now. I told my wife I at least want a timeline on what SIL's plan is. Get a job, save money, get your own place. I said I'm not running a long-term living home and SIL needs to move out at some point.

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My wife said I don't get to kick SIL out like that, then I said that my wife doesn't get to just decide SIL is staying forever. We are both mad at each other now and I now feel outnumbered in my own home and just want SIL out, does that make me an a**hole?

This household saga reveals the tightrope of balancing family support with marital harmony. The husband’s frustration is valid—his retirement plans are stalled by his sister-in-law’s (SIL) indefinite stay. His wife’s protective stance, while loving, risks sidelining him. The clash hinges on one question: when does helping family overstep personal boundaries?

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This reflects a wider issue of setting limits in tight-knit families. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found 68% of couples face stress when extended family overstays. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Marriages thrive on mutual decision-making; unilateral choices can erode trust.” The wife’s move to bring SIL’s belongings without discussion breaks this trust.

SIL’s lack of job or independence turns help into a crutch. Experts suggest clear timelines—3-6 months—to avoid resentment. The wife could guide SIL toward job training or affordable housing, fostering self-reliance. For the couple, therapy could bridge this gap, ensuring both feel heard. The husband might propose SIL contributes rent or sets a move-out goal, balancing compassion with fairness.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s crew served up spicy takes with a dash of humor. Here’s what the community thinks about this domestic tug-of-war.

Nebsy_Websy − NTA. She made this decision without you. Id try talking to SIL on your own and let her know this is temporary, you need a timeline on when shes leaving. Ultimately her extra stuff she hasnt had for the last few months should be put in storage to drive home that this is not long term. Ask her to start paying rent as well.

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hello_friendss − NTA your wife should have had a discussion with you but instead your wife made a unilateral decision to move in her sister without your input. I understand that in some cultures family is everything and that it is a duty to house family without question but I find this blind duty to be hogwash. The least your wife can do is provide a semblance of a timeline.

[Reddit User] − You don’t have allow someone to live in your space if you don’t want them there. That’s your home and that needs to be respected by all parties. SIL gotta go at some point.

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lincmidd − NTA. Has your wife told you if she has long term plans? She has told you you can’t act unilaterally but she can. This is not how a marriage works and I assume not how your marriage has worked in the past. It’s been months, it’s time to have a frank conversation with your wife.

Let her know she needs to let you know what the plan is but that you do not intend to live with SIL long turn. You are willing to be helpful but that help is not unlimited. Your wife is very inconsiderate of your feelings. I get that she is protective of her little sister but why is she not as protective of your feelings?

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Maladict33 − NAH. Make an appointment with a couple's therapist or you'll be making an appointment with a divorce attorney

PikachuWinchester − NTA It's your house and you have every right not to want to live with your SIL. She's an adult and has had plenty of time to figure out what she's going to do. She chose to be a housewife (and there's nothing wrong with that) but that doesn't mean she can keep being one now that the marriage is over. She needs to get a job and start taking care of herself.

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90sLady − NTA. She can and should help her family member, but up to a point. SIL needs to sort out her plans and get a job to support herself. Helping her do so is fine.

DaTinMon − NTA, wifes putting her sister before you. You are reasonable with your requests. Maybe grab an airbnb for yourself from time to time to be alone and chill. Not ideal but wifey may get the hint.

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icantsppel − NTA. Either tell your SIL to get a job or help her rent an apartment. It’s not her house, and you’ve been helping her for months.

LibraWoman1 − NTA. Of course your wife wants to help her sister. However it’s not truly helping to be a crutch. Her sister will feel better about herself if she moves to the phase towards independence by getting a job as a starting point.

After she’s established and starts saving there should be a goal of moving out. Of course she can’t be kicked out right now but your wife needs to understand for everyone’s sake it cannot be a vague non plan. It’s unfair to you of course and your wife should be willingly admitting that

and apologizing to you not arguing and accusing you of being heartless and hating the sister that’s doubling down on unfairness to you. but maybe if she understands it’s not really what best for the sister either she’ll be more willing to nudge for action

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These Reddit opinions are fiery, but do they hit the mark? Is it about evicting SIL or reclaiming a shared future?

This story leaves us wondering: when does family help tip into personal sacrifice? The husband’s push for a timeline isn’t cold—it’s a plea for balance. His wife’s loyalty is heartfelt but strains their marriage. What would you do if caught between aiding a relative and guarding your home’s peace? Share your thoughts—how would you navigate this family drama?

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