AITA for being honest with my extended family about my mom?

A cozy family dinner turned into a battleground when a young woman’s mother, wine glass in hand, boasted about her stellar parenting. The room buzzed with laughter until the daughter, stung by her mother’s gossiping habits, dropped a truth bomb about her mom’s dismissive attitude toward her depression.

The table froze, and the night unraveled. This Reddit tale pulls readers into a whirlwind of family loyalty, personal boundaries, and the sting of public humiliation, leaving us wondering: when does honesty cross the line?

‘AITA for being honest with my extended family about my mom?’

So my mom is a big gossiper. She takes every opportunity to talk about someone. But it’s never fun gossip, it’s always mean. She tells her co workers and siblings EVERYTHING about me and my sister. Usually she leaves out the parts that make her look bad. For example in high school I was failing some classes.

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She FaceTimed me while at work and her co worker in the backgrounds goes “She’s still in bed at noon and wonders why she’s failing out of school”. I also admit, I have read some of her texts before which is bad but I was curious. The stuff she tells people about my private life is just crazy.

She’s told people about my mental health, my physical health, mistakes I make etc. She once admitted to her co worker that I only wanted a therapist to talk about her to. It makes me want to never talk to anyone my mom has talked to because I feel like they know every deep secret about me.

Over the weekend my aunts family and us went out to dinner. My mom and aunt were drinking a bit and joking around. Somehow the conversation of “who is nicer, mom or dad” got brought up. At fist I said both of them are nice in their own ways. But my mom goes “Really? I think it’s obvious I’m nicer.

I do so much for you”. She was basically gloating about being such a great mom which annoyed me because behind the scenes she’s just rude, and she knows that. I just rolled my eyes and kept quiet but she kept going. She starts listing off stuff she’s done for me like pay for my phone, pay the bills, pay for my tuition etc.

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She even goes “I pay for her meds that she doesn’t even take” talking about my antidepressants. I was so embarrassed and annoyed. I really wanted her to feel how I did so I said “what about when I was showing clear signs of depression but you just laughed at me and called me lazy? That wasn’t so nice”.

Table got quiet and I immediately regretted it. We sat for a couple minutes then she got up and left. She went to the car and waited for us there. When we got back to the car I could tell she had been crying but she didn’t say anything. We rode back in silence but when we got home she blew up.

She told me that not only what I said was hurtful but was also something I shouldn’t bring up in front of other people. I told her she technically brought it up first and she said she was just making harmless jokes. She then proceeded to tell me how embarrassing that was for us and how I ruined a great night. I didn’t apologize and neither did she and we haven’t spoke since then.

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This mother-daughter clash is a textbook case of breached boundaries. The mother’s gossip, airing her daughter’s mental health struggles, betrays trust, while her gloating at dinner dismisses her daughter’s pain. The daughter’s retort, though impulsive, was a cry for respect.

Dr. Brené Brown, a vulnerability researcher, says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” The mother’s “jokes” were anything but—her words weaponized private struggles. Gossip in families often stems from a need for connection, but a 2022 study found 78% of young adults feel betrayed when personal details are shared without consent.

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The mother’s actions reflect this, undermining her daughter’s autonomy. The daughter’s public call-out, while understandable, escalated the conflict. Brown’s advice suggests direct, private conversations to set boundaries.

The daughter could limit shared information, while the mother needs to rebuild trust through accountability.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s crew brought the heat with their takes, dishing out support with a side of sass.

alwaysinneedofhelp96 − NTA. Both my parents do the same thing. Their failings are their own. If she wanted to only think about how 'good' of a parent she was, and embarrassed you in the process? Well, she needed a reality check. Staying silent only helped her and put you down. That was another way she showed her parenting.

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mother_nurture − NTA. Your mom wasn't joking, she was passively aggressively complaining. Who jokes about their kids mental health?! That's rude and disrespectful. I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Going to therapy can be very helpful when you have an unsupportive parent.

beyondradiance − NTA. Good for you. Fair game, in my opinion. If she’s going to dismissively talk about your mental health or really anything in your life to others while you’re sitting right there, pushback is only natural. I hope your mom can work on respecting your and others’ boundaries, but in the mean time, do what you need to do for you.

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MyChoiceNotYours − NTA but your mum sure is. She's got no right to share your private life with anyone and expect you to be ok with it. I'm honestly wanting to say she's kinda abusive and she sure doesn't like it when she's called out for being an AH.

Gwvoads − NTA If you can turn around to your mother and honestly say 'The janitor at your office knows about my depression meds' the she has clearly gone so far past the line that she can't even see the line anymore

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Status-Pattern7539 − NTA. Also if you Hvent already, please stop telling her information. “I can’t trust you won’t use information regarding my private life against me/ spread to your friends/ etc” or “I don’t feel comfortable discussing that with you”.. Information diet, starting yesterday.

satanic-frijoles − I like the part where this gossiping mini says you shouldn't bring up these topics in public, while she spends all her time airing out your dirty laundry on social media. The hypocrisy is palpable.

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MissIllusion − NTA she shouldn't have brought up the meds. That was rude and a i**asion of privacy. She's on a one way street to losing you or never knowing anything

Relevant_Turnip_7538 − NTA don’t dish it if you can’t take it. Keep doing it and maybe mum will realise she shouldn’t do that herself.

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aestheteliterari − NTA , she didn't have to tell everyone about your private life then bring up your meds and make a rude comment about it, she is 100% in the wrong here. What she said was completely uncalled for and your response was completely valid. It sounds your mum needs counselling though

From calling out the mother’s hypocrisy to urging an “information diet,” these comments spark a lively debate. But do they capture the full messiness of family trust?

This story of a daughter’s stand against her mother’s gossip leaves us grappling with family loyalty and privacy. The daughter’s honesty exposed raw truths, but did it burn bridges? The mother’s tears hint at regret, yet her outburst shows denial. What would you do if your personal struggles were aired publicly? Share your experiences—how do you draw the line with a loved one’s loose lips?

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