AITA for being honest when my dad asked why I stopped buying him gifts?

A shiny desk toy, picked with care, sits discarded as “stupid trash” in a father’s harsh words. For one Reddit user, the sting of their dad’s ungrateful comment, shared carelessly by their grandmother, cut deep. Struggling financially but eager to please, they poured heart into a modest gift, only to feel crushed by his dismissal. This year, they skipped his birthday and Christmas presents, and when pressed, their blunt honesty sparked family drama. Was their sharp response out of line?

This tale tugs at the heart, blending hurt feelings with the messy reality of family expectations. Readers can relate to the pain of unappreciated efforts, wondering how to navigate love and respect when words wound. Let’s dive into the story, hear expert insights, and see what Reddit thinks.

‘AITA for being honest when my dad asked why I stopped buying him gifts?’

Ok so my dad is hard to shop for, I always tried to do my best to get him something he would enjoy, but that wasn't something to use in his work since I know he prefers 'fun' gifts. A few years ago I got him a desk toy, it was a magnetic disk that came with a collection of hex nuts that could be stacked and connected on it.

About a week after this, I was talking to my grandma and I mentioned the gift and that I think he liked it, but that my brother really stole the show by getting him a model of the first car he had as a teen... Well... Grandma laughed in my face and revealed that no, my father in fact told her my gift was 'just stupid trash' and that he 'can't even use the nuts cause they're metric'

I know it wasn't a good gift I guess, but I was struggling at the time financially and wanted to make sure I got everyone something even if it was small... I just really got hurt hearing this and so this year when his birthday came, I went home, and I took him nothing.

My family also did an early early Xmas for my dad's side of the family since my cousin will be out of state soon until 2022, again I got him nothing, he said nothing to me but had my mom ask me why i hadn't gotten him a gift but did for p much everyone else. So I told him 'well I knew I would risk getting you trash, and I can't tell the difference between metric and imperial hex nuts so you can just get your own right?'

He was.... Less than thrilled, my family has since joined together to tell me what a brat I am, that I was disrespectful and as my father he deserves better. He personally hasn't spoken to me much since.. AITA for being blunt? I know I couldve been more subtle or gentle but it just really stung

Edit: thanks everyone, I appreciate all the different perspectives, next time I'm home I'm going to try to sit him down alone and have a talk with him (it'll be hard to get him alone but ill try) and ask him to give his 100% honest side of things, I've also thought on some of the questions asked of me and I am honestly starting to wonder if maybe my dad just doesn't like *me*

Family gift-giving can be a minefield when appreciation feels one-sided. The OP’s hurt is palpable—pouring effort into a thoughtful gift, only to hear it called “trash” via their grandmother’s gossip. Their blunt response, while sharp, reflects the pain of feeling dismissed by their father, whose silence now hints at guilt or defensiveness.

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, emphasizes, “When we give gifts, we’re expressing love, and rejection of that gift can feel like rejection of us” (The 5 Love Languages). Here, the father’s harsh words ignored the OP’s intent, damaging their bond. The grandmother’s role in relaying the comment adds a layer of betrayal, amplifying the hurt.

This reflects a broader issue: communication breakdowns in families. A 2021 study in Family Relations found that 45% of family conflicts stem from misaligned expectations around gestures like gift-giving (Family Relations). The father’s criticism and the family’s backlash suggest a lack of empathy for the OP’s feelings.

For solutions, Dr. Chapman suggests open dialogue to express hurt without blame. The OP could initiate a calm conversation, as planned, to clarify their father’s perspective and share their pain. Setting boundaries, like opting for low-cost gifts (e.g., a restaurant voucher), could prevent future hurt.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s serving up some fiery takes, with a dash of humor and heart! Here’s what the community thinks about the OP’s gift drama and blunt clapback.

[Reddit User] - NTA. I've never heard of a parent calling their child's Christmas present 'trash'.. He didn't appreciate the effort you put in, so he doesn't deserve it any longer.

diagnosedwolf - INFO: did you ever speak to your dad about what your grandma said? The problem with gossip is that it’s very easy for the truth to get lost or distorted. It’s never a good idea to make decisions based off of what someone tells you someone says. Always go to the source.

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VlaxDrek - NTA. I think you worded it a bit too aggressively. Something like, 'Well, last year I put a lot of thought into Dad's gift, because he's hard to shop for, and I found him something that I thought looked good and would be a bit of fun. Then I found out he thought it was stupid, laughed at it, and threw it in the trash.

So I think maybe Dad and I have outgrown gift exchanges. I was super hurt when I found out he just threw it in the trash. I'm not going to set myself up for that again, so since everybody else shares Dad's opinion, then we should probably all agree to the same arrangements. You get gifts for each other, and leave me out of it.'

SweatyFig3000 - 'Grandma laughed in my face and revealed that no, my father in fact told her my gift was 'just stupid trash' and that he 'can't even use the nuts cause they're metric'' Did you share this little gem with everyone? Your dad should NEVER have said this in the first place, and what the hell with GM repeating it? Does your family always treat you like crap?

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This isn't okay, and I hope you don't need anyone to tell you it's not. I wonder if your dad hasn't spoken to you much because he feels properly guilty and ashamed of himself for ever dissing ANY gift, but especially something from one of his kids. Maybe he didn't think GM would repeat what he said? Maybe you didn't deal with it in the best way, but honestly, who could blame you?. NTA

countrybumpkin1969 - The only a**hole here is grandma.

NUT-me-SHELL - NTA. If your dad can’t be a polite and gracious gift receiver, he no longer gets a gift. His disrespect caused this and he has nobody to blame but himself. Your grandmother, also disrespectful. It wasn’t necessary for her to repeat your dad’s b**lshit - sounds like her son came by it honestly.

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[Reddit User] - NTA Your dad just didn't like that you found out what he said. He should be feeling guilty because he hurt you. Your grandma is suspect to. I know it sounds corny but grown as people are suppose to know that genuine feelings & efforts from your heart are worth more than the gifts they receive.. I'd scale back from giving gifts to everybody acting like a spoiled brat towards you.

Carnalirium - NTA. Dad is upset he got caught, and your family is trying to appease him by laying the blame on you.

Budfudder - You mentioned that your dad said your gift was 'just stupid trash' - but did he actually throw it in the trash can, or is it in fact sitting on his desk? That makes a big difference. I've gotten trash gifts before and made sure they were used for precisely their purpose because they were given with love by someone I care for.

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Your dad might have been TA, depending on what he did with the gift. Your grandma is definitely TA, because even if dad hated the gift it was not her role to tell you. Actually, I'm really pissed off at her - what a terrible thing to do!

Lola_M1224 - I'm sorry this happened to you. If you want to get him something, try a gift certificate to a local restaurant or chain he likes. Or...get him nothing. My father wasn't that different.. NTA

These opinions are spicy, but do they capture the full picture? One thing’s clear: family dynamics are never simple!

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This story leaves us reflecting on the weight of words in families. The OP’s hurt over their father’s “trash” comment fueled a bold stand, but the family’s backlash shows how quickly lines are drawn. A honest talk might mend things, balancing love with respect. Have you ever felt unappreciated for a gift you gave? How would you handle a parent’s harsh words? Drop your thoughts below!

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