AITA for being angry that my wife put our daughter on a diet?

A quiet family dinner turned into a battleground when a father discovered his 8-year-old daughter tugging nervously at her shirt, her eyes darting away from the offer of a second helping. The spark? Her mother’s blunt words: “You’re fat.” This revelation sent shockwaves through their home, unearthing a clash of parenting styles rooted in love, fear, and past scars. The father, heartbroken and furious, confronted his wife, whose own childhood trauma fueled her harsh approach.

What unfolds is a raw, emotional tug-of-war—how do you protect a child’s health without shattering their self-esteem? This Reddit tale dives into the delicate balance of parenting, where good intentions can sometimes cast long shadows. Readers are drawn into a story that’s as much about a little girl’s confidence as it is about navigating a partner’s unresolved pain.

‘AITA for being angry that my wife put our daughter on a diet?’

My wife and I have an 8 year old daughter. I’ll preface this by saying she is slightly chubby, however I feel as though this is par for the course for her age. For the past few months, there have been several events that struck me as odd. What stuck out most to me was when a parent told me that she had “ruined” her friend’s birthday party by lecturing the other kids on the dangers of eating cake,

and overall how squirrelly she gets when I offer her a bite of a snack or ask if she wants seconds. Recently, as I’ve been around her more, I’ve noticed her mannerisms. She always pulls at her shirt, hunched over, etc. So today, I asked her if anything was wrong, and she told me that she was fat.

I asked her why she thought that, and she flat-out said “mommy told me”. I was livid. I went straight to my wife and asked her if it was true. She said yes. I, calmly, asked her why she would say such a thing to an 8 year old. She told me what she’d said before, about how she was fat as a child and her mother lied about it.

She said her mother would scream and punish her if she so much as mentioned she wanted to lose weight, and how she had to find out from n**ty comments by other kids at school that she was fat. She finished with “I’ll be damned if I ever let that happen to our daughter” I said “well, good job.

You f**ked her up for the rest of her life.  How dare you say that to your own daughter”. She said “oh trust me, it would’ve been worse if she had to find out from other kids”. We went on for a while. I realized that she truly believed she was justified, body shaming and putting an 8 year old on a diet.

She’s had many issues in the past. Her mother was definitely abusive, she was anorexic for almost 10 years, etc. So I feel like she should know way better than this.. I am still extremely mad about this. AITA for being angry at my wife?

Telling a child they’re “fat” can leave lasting scars. Dr. Charlotte Markey, a psychologist specializing in body image, notes in her Psychology Today article that “labeling a child’s weight can harm their self-esteem and increase the risk of eating disorders.” The father’s anger is understandable—his wife’s bluntness risks instilling shame in their daughter, evident in her anxious behaviors like avoiding snacks or lecturing peers about cake. Yet, the wife’s actions stem from her own trauma, fearing her daughter will face the same bullying she endured.

The conflict highlights opposing views: the father prioritizes emotional safety, while the wife focuses on preempting peer cruelty. Both miss the mark by not consulting professionals. A 2021 study from the National Institutes of Health shows that childhood obesity discussions require sensitivity to avoid psychological harm. The wife’s approach, though well-intentioned, mirrors her mother’s abusive tactics, projecting her pain onto her daughter.

Dr. Markey advises parents to “focus on health, not weight, through fun activities like cooking together or playing sports.” A pediatrician could assess the daughter’s health and recommend balanced habits without shaming. Family counseling might help the wife address her trauma while fostering teamwork with her husband. For now, the father should shower his daughter with affirmations, reinforcing her worth beyond her appearance.

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Engaging a nutritionist or therapist can guide the family toward healthy habits without judgment. The broader issue—parenting through personal trauma—reminds us that unresolved pain can unintentionally harm those we love most.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of empathy and outrage hotter than a summer barbecue. They rallied around the father, with some tossing in sharp critiques and others offering heartfelt advice. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

HauntedDragons − NTA. That is scarring and can lead to eating disorders. Trust me, I know. Putting her on a diet is not the answer, just teach her about healthy foods, portions, and exercise and do it TOGETHER. Telling her she is fat is appalling.

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I would be LIVID and I know first hand the effect that has on self esteem, confidence, social skills, and body image. Seek counseling for her (maybe even family counseling). And hug your little girl and tell her she is beautiful please... 💜

pickledjack − Wtf... NTA at all. Why is your wife treating your daughter this way? She’s 8 years old. She probably ruined this kids self esteem for the long run thinking she’s fat. I’d be f**king furious if my wife acted like that to our child.

fancymelanin − NTA - And in *no way* is finding out from other kids worse than hearing that from your own mother. Yikes.

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IamtheDogtor − NTA. Your wife clearly has unresolved childhood trauma that she needs to work on with a therapist. This in no way makes it ok for her to target your daughter like this. If she is concerned about her health, then speak to a pediatrician or nutritionist.

Ask the daughter if there is some type of sport she would be interested in trying. Your wife is not doing your daughter any favors, even if she thinks she means well. Your daughter should likely see a therapist too since this has already started to alter her behavior and mental health.

sssuuuzzz − NTA. Honestly I would even put this in a category as grounds for divorce. Your child and her mental health is far more important than your wife's obvious issues. My heart hurts for your daughter and to help her I would just praise the s**t out of her, get her into therapy to help get those feelings and emotions under control now.

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Your wife is literally putting your daughter in harm's way, opening doors for eating disorders, mental health issues, and of course her self esteem is demolished at the pure age of 8. She's a year older than my son and I can't even imagine how messed up your wife has to be to say something like that.

Loesje2303 − The overwhelming verdict seems to be nta but I don’t think I agree. While OP is right that the wife definitely shouldn’t say “you’re fat” to her daughter, it is also harmful to let an overweight child think they’re healthy and everything is as it should be. OP says daughter is “chubby”.

That can range from anything between “a healthy weight but no bean stalk” and “she is (very) overweight”. I know from experience that it is hard to determine when a child is in fact overweight since there are different guidelines for children than for grownups. Weighing 15 pounds too many is way less bad for an adult than it is for an eight year old.

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For the latter that is severe. Both parents should take daughter to a doctor to determine if she is healthy and if she is not, take the doctor’s advice on how to change that. Cook with her, go on walks with her, play with her. Make it “let’s be healthy and have fun doing it” instead of “you’re fat and you can’t have birthday cake”.

But let me stress this: OP’s stance of “she’s only eight she shouldn’t have to think about stuff like that” can be just as harmful as his wife’s stance. Overweight kids turn into overweight adults who don’t know how to properly care for themselves, resulting in many many health problems. Do you really want that for your kid?

So I guess my verdict is a soft ESH. You’re both wrong and you really should seek advice from an expert to ensure your daughter is healthy physically _and_ mentally EDIT: it seems that this is not clear from my post as I keep getting comments on it.

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Fat shaming is not okay. That is NEVER okay. Mom is WRONG in this situation. I just thought that was so obviously clear from the other comments and my verdict (which is esh and _not_ yta), but I will repeat it here. Positivity and a mindset of growing and doing/feeling/being better only

JasonJdDean − NTA. Though a traditional 'diet' isn't a particularly good idea, if a child is genuinely overweight then moderating their food intake and teaching them healthy eating patterns is the way to go. However, the issue is that your wife is *emotionally abusing* your child.

She is instilling the opposite of healthy eating patterns in her -- she's teaching your daughter that food is an enemy, and that eating it will make her unlovable. This needs to stop before it causes any more lasting damage -- family counseling is a start.

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Dragoore2 − Holy f**k NTA. That is psycological fuckery right there, and should never be aimed at a kid. A surefire way to destroy any self confidence.

princessdovahkiitty − INFO:. can we please have some general info on how chubby your daughter actually is? Your wife telling her she is fat is disgusting, do not get me wrong. However I know a lot of people who say their child is 'chubby' when in reality they weigh as much as a fully grown adult.

Literally last week there was an AITA post of an aunt worried about her severely obese niece, and it turns out the niece was almost 150 pounds at 8 years old. Your wife is still an a**hole regardless, because she called a child fat to her face. But I would like to also know if your wife has a delusional version of fat, or if your child is putting on too much weight.

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Slurav − NTA! NTA! NTA! I cannot say that enough. And I’m speaking from personal experience here, having a parent tell you you’re fat, can be extremely harmful to your daughters mental health. It’s extremely damaging to one’s self esteem,

and can set them up for serious issues such as eating disorders. I got bullied for my weight in school too, but none of that compared to when my father told me I was fat and pressured me to lose weight. It’s been almost 12 years since he’s done that,

and I’m still dealing with the negative affects from that. Please, if there is any way possible, do not let your wife continue to talk to your daughter that way. She’s hurting your daughter much much more than she knows.

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These Redditors tore into the wife’s approach, warning of eating disorders and crushed confidence, though one urged both parents to seek expert guidance. Their takes are fiery, but do they capture the full picture, or just fan the flames?

This story lays bare the messy intersection of love, fear, and parenting. The father’s fury and the wife’s intentions collide, leaving their daughter caught in the crossfire. It’s a reminder that protecting a child’s health shouldn’t come at the cost of their self-worth. Professional guidance and open communication could steer this family toward healing. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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