AITA for being angry about my parents spending the entire family wedding fund on my sister?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a family dinner gone awry, where the clink of wine glasses is drowned out by heated arguments over money and fairness. A 27-year-old woman sits, stunned, as her parents announce they’re dipping into her wedding fund to bankroll her sister’s second shot at a dream wedding. The sting of betrayal is sharp—she’d been promised an equal share for her big day, but now it’s slipping away. The tension is palpable, like a storm brewing over a once-happy family.

This tale of clashing expectations and family loyalty has sparked a firestorm of opinions online. Our protagonist isn’t just fighting for dollars; she’s grappling with feelings of being sidelined in her own family. Readers can’t help but wonder: is she wrong to feel cheated, or is this a case of tough luck in tough times? Let’s dive into her story and the fiery debate it’s ignited.

‘AITA for being angry about my parents spending the entire family wedding fund on my sister?’

I'm the middle of three. I have a younger sister (25) and an older brother (30). I'm 27. My parents, over the years, saved up 30k to be split between my sister and I for when we eventually got married, which would be 15k each. My sister got engaged before me, and they planned their wedding for April 2020. As you can imagine, this couldn't happen.

They'd picked an all inclusive venue and spent the entire 15k. Unfortunately, their venue has been horrible, denied any refund. Wedding insurance doesn't cover pandemics and they're now going under anyway. The 15k is just...gone. My sister now wants to elope, which my parents and other family are absolutely horrified by.

She and her fiance say they can't afford to pay for a wedding themselves because of their job situations. The only thing she has from the first wedding that she could take to a second is her wedding dress, which would still need to be altered.

The women in the family have been crying about it in every conversation I've had with them and begging my sister to not elope, they'll figure it out. My parents now want to take the other 15k and give my sister another wedding, obviously at a different venue.

It ended up being a huge fight of accusing me of blaming my sister for causing the pandemic, wanting her to elope and not get 'her wedding' because I'm jealous, and why save it when I'm still single and will be for years now anyway. I'm 27! I'm not an old maid.

I'm not jealous of my sister, I was happy for her before all this, but it would have been nice to know that when I got married, my parents could help me out too. I'm not saying it's her fault that the first one didn't happen, but factually she would be getting two weddings paid for and I'll be getting zero.. It's probably happening regardless of what I say, but am I wrong to be a little angry about it?

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Family disputes over money can feel like navigating a minefield blindfolded. This story, where a sister’s wedding fund is repurposed for another’s do-over, highlights the delicate balance of fairness and family loyalty. The OP’s frustration is understandable—her promised $15,000 is now at risk, leaving her feeling like an afterthought. Meanwhile, her parents are caught in a bind, desperate to salvage their younger daughter’s dream day.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes in his work with the Gottman Institute, “Fairness in family dynamics isn’t just about equal dollars; it’s about perceived respect and value” . Here, the OP’s sense of being undervalued fuels the conflict. Her parents’ choice to prioritize her sister’s wedding, driven by family pressure, overlooks the OP’s stake, creating a rift.

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This situation reflects a broader issue: financial favoritism in families. A 2018 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 60% of siblings reported perceived parental favoritism, often tied to financial decisions . The OP’s parents may see their decision as a practical fix, but to her, it’s a loud message of unequal worth.

For a solution, communication is key. The OP could propose splitting the remaining $15,000, giving her sister $10,000 for a modest wedding and reserving $5,000 for herself. This compromise, rooted in fairness, could ease tensions. Families should discuss expectations openly, ensuring all voices are heard to avoid resentment. The OP’s feelings are valid, but a calm conversation might pave the way for a fairer outcome.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. Here’s what they had to say, raw and unfiltered:

[Reddit User] − NTA. What happened sucks, but no, you aren’t wrong for being upset about it. Being told that you have $15k waiting for your wedding and then having it taken away would upset most people.

UnsightlyFuzz − NTA, it was appropriate to state your position, but I hope you didn't do it in an angry way or it just makes you look bad. If your sister has any class she'll just elope and let all the women in the family be upset. Your sister knows she spent her share, and apparently is aware that anything more would come out of your hide.

You might have better luck lobbying your sister than your mother. Covid cost me a fully paid cruise package for 3, I had trip insurance but the pandemic wasn't covered. It bothered me for weeks but I've decided to just let it go. It's nobody's fault. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

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[Reddit User] − ESH I just feel bad the brother doesn't get any contribution to his wedding. Why not 10k each?

judge1492 − NTA. But when you get married....elope. And specify your funds were spent already so you can’t afford the wedding all the women who are complaining now could go to.

Texasworld − NTA. This is so disrespectful to you. I get that it’s their money, but it’s money they promised to split between you and your sister. I could understand if they split the remaining 15k between you and your sis, but it’s pretty callous of them to not give you a single penny when they’ve double-funded your sister.

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OneTwoWee000 − NAH. Here’s why.. the wedding venue screwed them. With lockdown in place your parents should sue them. It really sucks they want to take the money saved for you and use it on your sister. **However, no one is entitled to have their parents pay for their wedding**.

That’s the truth, it’s their money to gift as they see fit, unless they’ve already put $15K in your bank account.. OP, you are single now and have no plans to get married anytime soon. Logistically it makes more sense for parents to give your sister two-thirds of the money and start saving over the next few years to build back up the fund for you.

*Essentially this: Sister gets $10K now. They keep $5K for you* and start saving again to build back up your fund. Because of the pandemic they lost half the money they intended to gift to their daughters, but it would be *fair* if they were able to gift her with $10K and you with $10K by the time you actually need the wedding fund to plan your nuptials.

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The venue which refused to reschedule is the only a**hole here. OP, your parents aren’t obligated to pay for their children’s weddings but it is something they wanted to be able to gift both of you. They lost half the fund due to no fault of their own.

ThecasualKraken − NTA. As I read this, it seems like it's the parents/family matriarchs that are pushing for a wedding more than the sister. Calling essentially for a 'do over' using the money that the parents planned for the OP, but no mentioning of it being replenished. With that said, IMHO the Parents are the assholes. They set aside a set amount for each daughter, which is fair.

I understand s**t/life happens, and it is the parents money... but to use the whole 15k on an entirely new wedding? It be one thing if they took a smaller chunk of it, to throw something together given the circumstances, but this doesn't seem to be the case. They want to throw a nice wedding as planned for the sister, by essentially giving a giant 'f**k you' to the op.

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Can you blame her for being upset?. ​ TLDR: NTA OP, they promised you that money, and it would be a giant FU to go back on that promise. IF they insist on it, I would tactfully accept it, but informed them that when/if you decide to get married, they wont be invited due to monetary constraints with the guest list size.

Stefstar1232 − NAH. You deserve to be a little angry but not at your family, they set up the 15 k for you and 15 k for your sister. And it got wasted by something none of you could've predicted. And its not you or your family's fault that their is a pandemic. You deserve to be angry at the situation

FutureJakeSantiago − NTA.. If this were me, I'd honestly just let it go and get eloped when I marry lol.

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DisguisedBee − NTA maybe offer a compromise in that you take half each?

These Redditors rallied behind the OP, with some throwing playful jabs at the family’s wedding obsession. But do their fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

This saga of wedding funds and family loyalty leaves us pondering fairness and tough choices. The OP’s anger is relatable—who wouldn’t feel stung watching a promised gift vanish? Yet, her parents’ desperation to please one daughter shows the messy reality of family decisions. A compromise could mend fences, but it’s a tough road. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this conversation going!

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