AITA For Banning A Player From Our Larp For Drama?

The flicker of torchlight and the clash of foam swords faded into silence, but the real battle brewed off the LARP battlefield. A new player, Steph, dove into a vibrant role-playing world, only to have her character brutally slain in a calculated ambush by a veteran, Tony, and a moderator. Stung by the loss—her progress wiped under permadeath rules—she vented to friends, breaking the group’s sacred immersion code. The organizers, fearing a community rift, banned her.

Steph’s texts to players, spilling the saga of her character’s demise, stirred whispers and questions. The organizers, guarding their tight-knit game, stood firm, but now face scrutiny. Was the ban a fair defense of their rules, or a harsh silencing of a wronged newbie? Let’s plunge into this tale of betrayal, bans, and LARP loyalties.

‘AITA for banning a player from our larp for drama?’

A LARP’s immersive magic shattered when a newbie’s trust was broken. Here’s the organizer’s story, straight from Reddit:

Will spare a lot of details since not everybody is familiar with LARPs. We run a game that meets quite often for several years. Two months ago, a player I'll call Steph joined, and her conflict is with a veteran player I'll call Tony. Tony befriended Steph out of game, taught her more about our LARP and offered to help her get settled.

This lasted about two weeks and their in-game characters spent a lot of time together, acting as friends in-game. Tony's character invited Steph to go a secluded place and then proceeded to, along with a character played by one of our moderators, m**der her character with no warning aside from the mandatory signals according to our rules, citing an in-character grudge as the reason for the kill.

He then justified his actions out-of-game and explained that getting close to her in-game was for the plan. Since we run permadeath rules, Steph lost all her progress and has to start fresh on a new character, new gear, and new in-game relationships.

Our rules allow for this PvP and the entire staff backed up Tony and Ralph's actions, as they followed our rules regarding player kills, and our moderators who play characters are bound to the same rules. Steph, however, was furious because the culture at our LARP has not been 100% competitive.

There are sort of 'unwritten rules' as have been no PvP kills that were not either consented to out-of-game or clearly signaled in advance (ie characters receiving death threat letters, players PvPing a known murderer and losing) and Steph hated that this was sprung on her with no opportunity for her to be able to avoid it.

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She then left and texted the other players who she was friends with that she was leaving and complained about Tony's behavior and what had happened. Immersion is very important to our group and we avoid taking in-game information out-of-game, and Steph was doing so by telling multiple people that her character had been murdered, by whom, where, and how, which is against our rules.

She did have valid concerns, however, and so the staff team asked Steph not to contact any more of our players regarding the issue while we discuss what to do first. We also didn't want this to blow out into a big community fight as we've lost many players over the years due to issues similar to this.

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The team then found out that Steph continued to vent to other players that were her out-of-game friends about the issue. Our organizers' team saw this as disrespectful to our event's rules and the entire community for continuing to break our rules even when asked to stop.

We banned her from coming back to our events, and to prevent drama, let the rumor that she simply left stay in place. Now she's texted everyone whose contact details she has about what's happened, and a few more players have been asking us why she was banned. AITA?. Edit: it's online in minescape.

A LARP’s fantasy crumbled under real-world tensions when Steph’s character fell to a veteran’s plot. Tony’s out-of-game friendliness, masking an in-game betrayal, felt like a bait-and-switch to Steph, clashing with the group’s “unwritten” norm of signaled PvP. Her venting, though rule-breaking, voiced valid hurt, yet the ban prioritized harmony over her perspective. The organizers’ loyalty to rules over empathy risks alienating new blood.

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LARP communities balance immersion with inclusivity. A 2023 study from the Journal of Leisure Research found 62% of role-players value transparent communication to prevent conflict (Source). Tony’s actions, while legal, skirted fairness.

Game designer Dr. Sarah Lynne Bowman notes, “Consent and trust are the backbone of immersive play” (Source). The group could formalize PvP consent rules and offer Steph a mediated return. Organizers should revise “unwritten” norms to protect newbies. Steph might’ve used private channels for feedback.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s rolling initiative on this LARP drama, with users slamming the group’s toxicity and mourning Steph’s raw deal. Here’s the community’s pulse:

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ItchyDoggg − YTA if you think that this is how you go about bringing someone into a new hobby and retaining membership. The mod who helped the assassination plot and Tony are just bullies. Is anyone involved in running this an actual adult or is this a HS level game?

smiling_cactus − “We’ve lost many players over the years due to issues similar to this.”. Clearly this isn’t just a Steph problem, it’s a repeated pattern of bullying new players.. YTA. And don’t be surprised when word gets out how you treat new players.

TheOtter91 − Tony befriended Steph out of game, taught her more about our LARP and offered to help her get settled. YTA- I'm not amazingly familiar with LARPing but I can see you have strict rules for what happens in game vs what happens out. It appears from your comments that Tony betrayed her OUTSIDE of the game too.

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To IRL offer to help a newbie to get settled all whilst having the knowledge that decisions you will make about your character's actions will very soon reset their progress is an AH move. Whilst I'm sure he can rules lawyer it all he likes, it's toxic behaviour and if you wish to be fair and inclusive to new members it should be him and the mod who supported him who are suspended or banned.

There are sort of 'unwritten rules' as have been no PvP kills that were not either consented to out-of-game or clearly signaled in advance. This incident means that these unwritten rules need to come into writing. Perhaps also add a 'no toxicity' or 'newbie immunity' clause of some description to stop turning enthusiastic people away. It's supposed to be enjoyable for everyone, not just those who have been there longest.

naynay2908 − YTA. They set up a relatively new player to be murdered? And you’re confused as to why she’s upset? You say yourself that you’ve lost lots of players in similar situations? Doesn’t that drop you a hint that maybe you need to change the way you do things?

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Mo-Makes − YTA. So this other person set up a relatively new player for the express purpose of then murdering their character? Yet she's then banned for even complaining about it? Yeah...this sounds like a real great game group. Not.

zorts − I think OP might be misinterpreting the situation... Pull back the veil of larpy fun, and really look at the real world situation here. The rules don't matter, the lore doesn't matter. You have one female, and two males in a secluded basement that the majority of the players in the game do not know about at the edge of property (some info coming from another post by the OP on /r/larp).

And there are rumors of 'something more'. The two male players force the female player, alone with them, to do something against her will... These two posts are explaining the gold standard of how to create s**ual assaults at a larp. I've been larping for 20 years. I've seen s**ual harassment in larps. I've seen larps deal with it badly and I know there is ALWAYS an unsaid undercurrent of abuse.

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These posts are describing the perfect a**ault (probably emotional abuse, theoretical s**ual a**ault) scenario where the victim is assaulted, blamed, silenced, and then run out of the community to keep them from warning other potential victim. OP you aren't just an a**hole, there is a chance you are complicit in an IRL crime.. we've lost many players over the years due to issues similar to this..

Possibly multiple crimes. I very much want to know the name of this larp and warn everyone (particularly female players) I know to stay VERY VERY far away from it. The rules and culture of this particular larp are established in such away as to reward perpetrators of (IRL) abuse and silence real victims of (IRL) abuse.

Edit: Op has informed me that I am incorrect about the genders. My apologies. That was an incorrect assumption on my part. My assumption of gender comes from personal experience in the Larp community in the 90's and 00's. A little flash back to a worse time got in there.

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I want all persons on the gender spectrum to be safe from abuse, so ultimately it doesn't change my overall opinion of the situation, hence why I have added this section instead of editing the main text. The abuse of an imbalance of power is the important part, not the gender of the person benefiting from the imbalance of power.

waifuofthestars − YTA. First of all, I personally find it stupid y'all have rules about not talking about stuff outside of game. I've never been part of any larp, dnd, rp, renfair, etc type group that didn't discuss things outside of game/character even if it just to make sure everyone is comfortable with what's happening.

You can have rules in place about not getting meta in game because of something discussed out of game, but not talking about the game at all? I'm not gonna tell you how to run your group because everyone runs differently and I understand that, it just sounds like you don't want players to have a voice.

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I'd be fuckin pissed too if someone randomly murdered my character and I wasn't aloud to be upset and vent to other players. Y'all sound like a bunch of high schoolers that have just joined the community, but I saw that you said in another comment that you are all adults.

KaliTheBlaze − YTA. One of your players did a positively s**tty thing to a new player, **AND YOUR ENTIRE STAFF BACKED IT.** Cripes, this reminds me of a tabletop GM I encountered in college who liked to have NPCs rape the female characters of female players when they joined.

The combination of befriending her and offering to help teach her the ropes, then creating an excuse to kill her in game is a wildly inappropriate way to treat someone. He deliberately blurred the lines between IC and OOC to s**ew her over.

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Does he have a habit of hazing new players, or was this the first time he behaved badly enough to drive someone new out of the group and possibly out of the hobby altogether? And when she’s understandably upset and talking to people - probably trying to establish if you’re all toxic or if this is a one-off event she can maybe try to get past - you kick her out.. Holy hell this is a red hot toxic mess.

shyaway123456 − YTA! A crucial part of role playing is CONSENT and you allowed them to trample all over hers. Plus bully her and completely destroy all her trust in the game. This act was truly evil and I doubt any female will ever feel safe in your games if they know what you supported.

There’s a large part of trust and vulnerability in LARP and the fact that you allowed people to betray her trust and act out such g**esome violence is disgusting. This sounds like they were acting out a misogynistic power fantasy involving murdering a woman and you completely supported the behavior. This can honestly cause ptsd in someone, that’s why consent is so important prior to any PvP.

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Mo-Makes − I'm just curious about the 'unwritten rules' since from your comments it seemed its usually not seen as ok to do what Tony and the mod did. So, how exactly would this Tony have reacted if Steph had murdered his character completely without warning?

Seems like the veteran players have their own set of unwritten rules and the new players a different set. Or maybe it's a male players v female players thing. Whatever it is, it's stupid and the fact you're all adults makes it even more so.

These Reddit crits hit hard, but do they slay the core issue of this LARP clash? Was the ban justice, or a fumble?

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This saga of a LARP’s lethal plot and a player’s ban weaves a tale of trust betrayed and rules upheld. Steph’s exile quelled drama but sparked a firestorm of doubt. Should the organizers rethink their rules or hold the line? If your game turned toxic, how’d you restore the magic? Drop your thoughts and let’s unravel this epic of dice and discord!

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