AITA for ‘banishing’ my sister and BIL?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Lockdown hit hard, and a cozy family home turned into a battleground of clashing habits. A 28-year-old woman opened her doors to her struggling sister, whose hours were slashed, and her jobless, messy husband a man she’d dodged like a spilled coffee stain for years. The couple, with two kids in tow, settled into the left wing of her house, a generous lifeline amid financial strain. Dishes piled up, food scraps littered the floor, and empty packets cluttered counters, testing her patience.

Her heart softened for her sister, a hardworking soul in a bind, but the chaos grated. After talks with the couple fizzled, she drew a line, moving them to an outside guest room with its own entrance and bathroom. The husband grumbled, but the mess had to stop. This story unravels a tangle of family loyalty, messy habits, and tough boundaries.

‘AITA for ‘banishing’ my sister and BIL?’

My sister married a real b**. I really don’t like him. He’s 6years older than her but doesn’t have a job, is dismissive to her emotions (I’ve witnessed this myself) is lazy; doesn’t clean and is generally an unpleasant person for me. I try to avoid him like a plague.

At the start of lockdown, my sister got her hours at work reduced. That meant she couldn’t afford the full rent alone (because her b** husband doesn’t contribute a cent). We as a family helped her out as much as she could. In June it got too much and she asked me to stay with myself and my husband.

I really really REALLY was against this because, as stated, I don’t like her husband. But my sister was in a bind so I eventually agreed (after discussing it with my husband). We let them use the left ‘wing’ of the house as their own (for sleeping; studying; relaxing) and the kitchen and common areas were also theirs to indulge.

Since the *VERY FIRST DAY* they moved in, there has been a disgusting mess in my house. Dishes left unwashed, food left of the floor, empty packets piling up on the counters. (Note: we have a helper but her job priority is looking after the kids and the mess is too much for her to juggle).

My husband and I tried speaking to them to keep it tidy and it only lasted a day until it went right back to the shits. So I have now officially confined them to the guest room of our house, which is technically outside. It has its own entrance and bathroom, but no kitchen. I’ve informed them that until they can keep my house clean, they are NOT allowed in my house.

My b** BIL feels this is unfair because they can’t use the kitchen or tv room or any other space in my home. They also have 2 kids and my nephew is attached to his father so they have to share that guest room with the children (where previously, the kids were using the bunk beds in my child’s room).

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I don’t feel like an AH. I don’t even feel guilty. But my husband firmly believes in doing the most for family so he thinks we should not ‘banish’ them to the outside room. I think their habits are disgusting and no amount of talking to has worked. So they must stay there until they can learn to function like actual adults.

Opening your home to family is a noble gesture, but this tale took a turn into a trash-strewn saga. The sister, stretched thin by work, and her idle husband trashed a shared space, ignoring pleas for tidiness. Generosity has limits housing a family of four for free is a big lift, yet the mess felt like a slap in the face. A wry nod to the chaos: it’s not a pigsty, but the vibe’s close.

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This mess mirrors a broader issue: boundaries in family dynamics. A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association shows 45% of adults report stress from co-living with relatives, often due to clashing habits. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Clear boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, especially when generosity is extended.”. His wisdom underscores the homeowner’s need to protect her space.

The conflict pits kindness against self-respect. The sister’s workload excuses some slack, but her husband’s laziness leaving dishes and debris fuels the fire. Both sides bear weight: the host offered shelter, yet the guests disregarded basic courtesy. Talks failed, and the guest room shift feels like a fair, if firm, line in the sand.

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To move forward, set clear rules list chores, tie access to compliance, and put it in writing. Give space for adjustment, perhaps a week to shape up. If the mess lingers, explore local tenant laws for next steps, keeping communication calm and firm. Balance family ties with a clean home tough love might spark change.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit users rallied behind the homeowner, deeming her NTA with near-unanimous gusto. Housing a family of four rent-free is generous, they agreed, and the guest room solution still beats eviction. The consensus slams the couple’s ingratitude trashing a home that’s saving them is a bold, messy misstep.

Lazy habits, especially from an unemployed husband, drew ire, with users noting both sister and spouse share blame for the chaos. A list of rules or an eviction notice floated as fixes. A chuckle-worthy take: it’s less a banishment, more a timeout for grown-ups who forgot how to clean!

WebbieVanderquack − NTA. That's fair. It's also still pretty generous. If I was unemployed and someone 'banished' me to a rent-free, stand-alone guestroom with bathroom, I'd be pretty thrilled.

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[Reddit User] − So, just so I understand this. You took an entire family of four into your home who pay nothing in rent or utilities. Not only do they do nothing to help with upkeep and maintenance, they actually trashed the place. Talking to them has been unavailing.

So, instead of evicting them, you pushed them out to the guest house, and told them that until they can learn how to clean up after themselves, they would not be allowed in the house.. Is that it?. NTA. I would have evicted their ungrateful asses and thrown them out into the street without a second thought.

It is a shame about your sister. I wonder what circumstances conspired to make her think she couldn't do better than this shiftless man she married. You'd think that, since he doesn't work, would at least learn how to keep up a house.

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deacc − NTA. Personally I will also looked into tenants law in your area. You don't want to be stuck with them, even with them just living in the guest room, forever. Especially that b** BIL.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You are now technically a landlord and they are always assholes, but due to necessity. If you are the owner of the property then you can designate the house rules. I would recommend a contract and rent be signed. If not then have a 30 day notice of eviction written up and emailed to different sources for a trail. This sucks but sometimes life is the a**hole

spyroyuki − NTA - how does your BIL think it's unfair that he has a roof over his head for free while he doesn't have to do anything? From the title I thought you kicked them out of your property entirely, but giving them the guest room is still helping them out.

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ShallowLikeUs − NTA, they’re guests. The least they can do is not trash your house. It’s generous that you’re still letting them have some place to stay.

ThatMater − NTA If they can't clean up after themselves, especially when he doesn't do anything or work, they can't use it, the same way you would with a child. This should be a wake-up call for both of them. If they don't like it, they can go elsewhere.

My suggestion is to write up a list of rules and consequences, such as they get to leave if they don't comply, and make them sign it. They don't sign, they leave. This way they don't sign, they get to go. If they do, they know what comes if they don't. It covers you either way. And make sure to find an eviction template and keep it on hand in case you need it.

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Deferon-VS − INFO: Do they at least pay rent/utilities/food?

[Reddit User] − NTA. You cannot continue to carry your sister while she’s married to the entitled b**. You are just prolonging a bad relationship she needs to address.

brazentory − NTA. Your sister is not suffering because of her husband. She could easily clean up the messes but chooses not to. She’s just as guilty. I would not want those messes. They bring bugs. It’s disgusting. You are helping them out and they repay you by being terrible roommates.

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A home meant for refuge turned into a clutter clash, pushing a woman to banish her sister and messy brother-in-law to a guest room. Reddit cheers her stand, and experts nod to boundaries as key. Family ties bend but don’t break with clear rules and patience. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences below! What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?

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