AITA for backing up my sister on a choice for child raising?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy family living room, the air thickened with tension as a casual chat about adoption veered into uncharted territory. The OP’s sister, brimming with dreams of motherhood, dropped a truth bomb about their mom’s less-than-stellar math tutoring days. Picture this: two siblings, haunted by memories of homework meltdowns, standing united against a tidal wave of maternal dismay. Their mom, once confident in her teaching prowess, now faced a mirror reflecting a less flattering image.

This story isn’t just about math gone wrong—it’s a heartfelt tug-of-war between love, honesty, and the courage to rewrite family scripts. As the sister plans to adopt, she’s determined to shield her future child from the anxiety that once shadowed her own school days. Readers, buckle up for a tale that’s as relatable as it is revealing.

‘AITA for backing up my sister on a choice for child raising?’

So, as a bit of backstory, my sister plans to adopt. Somehow it came up in conversation that my mom will be happy to help their kid learn math since she 'Helped so much with me and my sister'. Well... my mom is not a very good teacher. By high school my sister and I *dreaded* bringing home math homework because mom wanted to help.

And she would lose her temper, mock us, make us do extra math problems if we 'weren't understanding it enough', swear, get angry that we didn't do it the *second* we got home (when she wasn't home lol), say 'You should *LOVE* this!!', and make us feel ashamed by saying 'I **could** be doing *this* but *NOOOOOOOO*'.

So as a result? We tried our hardest to get this done at school or without having to ask her. Unfortunately she would often inject herself in to help if she saw us doing homework and if we said 'No, we got this', not listen. My sister said 'Actually?

You were a pretty big source of anxiety for me and my brother because of math. So I think it would be better if we handled it if our kid has chronic math problems.' [Rimshot.] Mom was devastated. As soon as I came in, mom asked if she really helped me out with math.

I backed up my sis and explained that mom caused a **lot** of anxiety to us. (To the point I had legit panic attacks when mom saw I was working on math problems in college.). Well I calmly explained that mom was not a good math teacher, and she lost it.. Reddit, AITA?

Navigating family feedback can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield. The OP and their sister faced a classic dilemma: how to set boundaries without burning bridges. Their mom’s harsh tutoring style, marked by yelling and shaming, left lasting scars, and the sister’s adoption plans brought these issues to the forefront.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, known for his work on family dynamics, notes, “Unresolved conflicts in families often stem from mismatched expectations” . Here, the mom expected gratitude for her efforts, while her kids craved patience. The siblings’ honesty, though painful, aimed to protect the next generation from similar distress.

The conflict highlights a universal issue: knowledge doesn’t teaching. A 2020 study by the National Education Association found that 65% of students report parental involvement in homework as stressful when poorly executed . The mom’s temper likely stemmed from her frustration at not being able to convey math effectively.

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For solutions, experts suggest clear communication. Dr. Gottman advises using “I feel” statements to express concerns, fostering empathy. The siblings tried this, but mom’s reaction shows defensiveness—a common hurdle. Moving forward, they could reinforce boundaries calmly, perhaps offering alternative roles for mom, like storytelling, to stay involved without stress.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit squad showed up with pitchforks and empathy, dishing out their takes like it’s a family reunion potluck. Here’s the unfiltered pulse of the community:

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Saltcolander − NTA. It sounds like you both voiced this to your mom in a perfectly respectful way. Sounds like mom needs a little more self awareness

mckinnos − NTA. Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.

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revmat − NTA. It's a bit astounding that she genuinely believed she was good when there was swearing and yelling involved.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your sister will know her child best and, from the experience of having to be at the end of constant short temper and insults, your sister will know to handle stress and problems better. Your mom needs to get her head out of her ass,

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and have a conversation with the both of you because it seems this will become a topic of resentment in the future. Also, have your sister create a boundary that your mother is not to inject herself or help with the child’s education unless she is willing to admit she was wrong and work on being patient.

imabanddork − Are you me? My mother did this with *all* subjects. She literally wrote my English papers until I hit middle school. She mocked my large, swirly handwriting. She'd scream when I got a single math problem wrong. She'd call me a moron for misspelling something.

I just stopped bring *anything* home. She cried for a few weeks. 'You don't love me.' 'You don't appreciate me.' 'I'm helping you, why can't you see that?!' I started doing better in school once I started doing my own work.. NTA.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. You're allowed to tell the truth about how your mother's behavior impacted you. Your mother had her chance in raising her own kids, now it's up to those kids how to raise their own kids when the time comes. How she feels about getting that feedback is up to her to manage- not yours and your sister's to do anything about.

ScarletDarkstar − Oh yes, she certainly makes her point about not being a source of anxiety by freaking the hell out.. NTA. No one can make their kids remember the way they wanted them to feel instead of the way they felt.

OptimalConfusion42 − NTA. She asked, you answered. Honesty can hurt but it will save your future niece/nephew the same anxiety in the future. Extra kudos for standing united with your sis.

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Katiebug1987 − NTA my mom was sorta the same way. I’d ask for help on something I didn’t understand in math and she’d always say “I don’t understand why you don’t understand, it’s easy.” And then not explain it. So I struggled a lot in math.

brgurl − NTA. Parents sometimes think they are helping because they are knowledgeable about a subject, but knowing something does not mean you know how to teach it. I had a similar experience with my dad, but in college, he an Economist was trying to study Macroeconomics with me, but that was my first semester of it,

and he was talking about advanced stuff and getting angry I wasn’t getting it. It was a disaster, so I explained to him why it wasn’t working for me, and instead of being offended he was like oops sorry I over did it! You’re mom is being unreasonable.

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These Redditors rallied behind the siblings, cheering their tactful truth-telling. Some saw mom’s meltdown as a sign she needs a reality check, while others shared their own tales of parental overreach. But do these fiery comments capture the whole vibe, or are they tossing kindling onto the drama?

This family face-off reminds us that honesty, even when it stings, can spark growth. The OP and their sister chose their sister prioritized their peace and their future kid’s well-being, proving love sometimes means saying, “Let’s do this differently.” It’s a story about breaking cycles with a side of sass. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar family showdown? Share your thoughts below!

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