AITA for backing up my kids when they snapped at their cousin?

A family camping trip, meant for s’mores and laughter under starry skies, turns into a teenage showdown when a mother stands by her kids’ fiery outburst. Her daughter Ally and son Josh, fed up with their cousin Gabe’s relentless antics—think body odor and crude remarks—snap after he crashes their getaway. The mother, caught between shielding her kids and managing family ties, backs their frustration, sparking a text tirade from her sister-in-law.

The woods echo with more than just campfire crackles as tensions flare. Readers feel the kids’ exasperation, shadowed by questions about Gabe’s struggles and the adults’ role in letting things fester. This story, bristling with raw teen angst and family friction, pulls us into a debate about boundaries, bullying, and when to step in—or step back.

‘AITA for backing up my kids when they snapped at their cousin?’

My (38F) 16-year-old daughter Ally started her senior year and my 15-year-old son Josh started his sophomore year. They’ve been enjoying school since their cousin Chase (14M) started high school this year and they all got the same lunch period.

They quickly started to hate going to school when their cousin Gabe (16M) switched his lunch period to there’s. Gabe always smells like BO, says very offensive things loudly, and is very gross and annoying. (This is what Ally told me) Gabe also got put into each one of my kid’s classes.

Making class hard for both of them because both teachers are making my kids help him because he refuses to do his work. He’ll also wait outside Chase’s class to walk with him to lunch and the kids aren’t able to ditch him. They tell me this and send texts threw out the day.

Gabe’s parents weren’t going on the traditional family camping trip. Gabe tried to go with my FIL and MIL since Ally was going with them. (My MIL hates riding alone since they were taking separate vehicles and invited Ally to go with her a day early since she has good grades and can miss an extra day of school and recover fine;

Gabe’s grades are terrible and if Gabe was even invited they don’t have room for him to sleep in the trailer) He refused to understand why he couldn’t go and kept saying that MIL was playing favorites. My FIL went behind her back and invited his friend up and also had his friend bring Gabe.

This started a few arguments between the kids because Gabe kept calling Ally a b**ch for leaving early. During the trip, the kids came back from playing in the forest saying that Gabe wouldn’t stop making fun of all of them.

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They decided to come to play cards in my trailer because I told them beforehand Gabe wouldn’t be allowed in here because he wasn’t sleeping here. Gabe tried to come in but I lied to him saying that the kids were eating lunch and that to leave them alone while they ate.

The kids stayed in there for an hour with Gabe coming and knocking on the door every 15ish minutes. After about 9 knocks, Ally became furious, opened the door, and snapped saying, “You’re annoying and gross, leave me and the boys alone. None of us even wanted you to come up this year.

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Go bother other people.” Gabe looked at me and asked if I was going to say anything. I told him that Ally said the truth and that he needs to leave my trailer. He went and sulked that his tent. My SIL sent me n**ty text messages and I’m starting to wonder, AITA?

A family trip turning into a teen turf war is rough, but the mother’s choice to back her kids’ outburst against Gabe’s disruptive behavior raises thorny questions. Ally and Josh’s frustration with Gabe’s hygiene issues and offensive comments is valid—school and camping should be safe spaces. Yet, the mother’s fib about “lunch” and letting Ally’s harsh words slide missed a chance to model better conflict resolution.

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Teen bullying affects 20% of U.S. high schoolers, per a 2023 CDC report, often tied to social struggles like Gabe’s (CDC). His poor hygiene and behavior could signal deeper issues—neglect, mental health challenges, or lack of guidance—flagged by Reddit’s concern. The mother’s protective stance is natural, but enabling a verbal lashing risks escalating tensions.

Psychologist Dr. John Duffy notes, “Teens need adults to guide them in setting boundaries without cruelty” (Dr. John Duffy). The mother could have intervened earlier, addressing Gabe’s behavior with his parents or teachers to ease school pressures. A calm talk with Gabe about respect, paired with a teacher meeting to stop forced tutoring, could help. Readers, share how you’d handle a teen’s disruptive cousin without fueling the fire.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s gang rolled in with a spicy mix of cheers and shade, dissecting the mother’s move and Gabe’s issues. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

Rex_Buckingham_99 − NTA. This kid is a bully, and it's probably because of s**tty parenting. It's not your job to manage him or the type of relationship he chooses to foster between himself and your kids. It's also important your kids learn to stand up for themselves.. Could they have been a bit nicer about it?. Probably.

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But it sounds like this kid has been torturing your kids for a while now, and an individual can only take so much b**lshit before snapping. It's not their responsibility to drop their own boundaries to make him feel better about his s**tty behavior.. He's just lucky it happened on a private family trip, and not at school in front of his peers.

[Reddit User] − NTA, talk to teacher and tell them your kids are not responsible for their cousins, and keep them separate.

LanceCripple1 − A couple of things here. You shouldn’t be allowing kids to bully or talk s**t to each other like that, regardless if it’s true. You should be talking to the parents about why their kid has BO and is constantly annoying people.

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Even if you want Gabe to leave them alone you simply tell him that kindly “Gabe go find something to do, ally and the boys are playing” If Chase is well rounded and his older brother is a mess then talk to the parents.

As far as the school stuff I’d be having a conference with the teacher your kids claim make them help Gabe. Just because they’re related doesn’t mean they have a responsibility to his schooling. I say talk to the teacher because regardless of how well mannered your kids may be, kids still exaggerate.

But if the teacher does indeed say they are doing that you put a stop to it, I’d actually insist all of the kids sit separately. Either way; get a handle on school and don’t encourage kids to talk s**t to each other, find solutions that don’t bully a 16yo

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nemocognito − So whenever I hear about a kid having BO (especially at his age) it immediately raises a red flag. There’s no delicate way to put this, but there might be some incredibly disturbing issues happening in Gabe’s household. A lot of times “bullies” are being bullied at home, in more ways than one.

From what you described, Gabe sounds like a troubled teen instead of a nuisance teen… and as the adult instead of lying to Gabe when he knocked on the camper door you should’ve stepped out and had a conversation with him about his behavior towards your kids.

This situation reads like everyone has just been putting up with Gabe without addressing his behaviors until someone snapped. Not a very healthy or productive way to have a difficult conversation.. I wouldn’t outright say you’re TA, but you definitely didn’t handle the situation very well.. Edit: Thank you so much for the award!

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CrimsonKnight_004 − Is Gabe okay? Like, he has trouble with basic hygiene, regulating his speech, failing grades in school, and it sounds like he might have some trouble reading social cues. Has it occurred to anyone in your family that he might be struggling and needing some help? Counseling?

Or does everyone just call him gross and try to exclude him? Was he really wrong when he said MIL was playing favorites? When was the last time she or another member of the family set aside time to spend with him or take an interest in him? Does he have *anyone* advocating for him? Do any of you even **like** him? It doesn’t sound like it.

I understand your teenage kids being annoyed. But why are you acting like another teenager and not an adult? Why aren’t you trying to be reasonable in mediating  between them, teaching your kids how to set appropriate boundaries without being mean about it, talking to Gabe’s parents about his behavior

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and wondering if he might be in need of any help, not *excluding* Gabe completely but including him when appropriate? YTA for all of the ways you’ve been failing Gabe and your own kids by not teaching them better ways to interact with Gabe than insulting him and avoiding him.

NikkiLove96 − Everyone calling OP TA or saying ESH are really the ones who suck. OP is NTA. Gabes mom sounds like she just lets her kid do whatever he wants with no consequences. The ones saying OP is the AH completely disregard the verbal abuse he inflicts on OPs children.

ExceptionallyRainy − ESH. You should’ve contacted Gabe’s parents when all of this first started happening. There’s no telling what Gabe is going through and he could seriously need some help. Same for the kids. They obviously lack communication skills (inherited from you?)

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and seemingly did not properly communicate their issues about gabe to gabe or even his parents. If you or your kids talked directly to gabe or his parents this all could’ve been solved with less disrespectful/rude/aggressive behavior.

You also further refused to use proper communication by lying to him and then allowing him to continuously come back which then made your kids snap.. They are somewhat valid on snapping on him, because obviously he knows bullying and calling names is wrong.. But overall it could’ve been handled better with just a little bit more communication.

FlyingFlipPhone − I think it's past time to have a heart-to-heart with your SIL. Gabe is going to have to change his behavior (especially showering) or else your kids are going to snap more often. Your kids have been more than patient already.

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Rohini_rambles − FIL seems to have taken an interest in Gabe(from comments he invited Gabe to a special trip, and he invited him on this one). Why doesn't he make use of their closeness and have a heart to heart with the kid and explain how to take care of his hygiene, why he should think about what he's saying, etc?

Assuming Gabe's dad is not in the picture. This kid sounds like he needs proper help. The adults in his life who have responsibility for him are failing him and his life is going to be rough because no-one took the time to try to help him. I wonder if there is some form of abuse or n**lect he's experiencing.

aubaub − I really don’t get this whole post. It sounds like it was written from the perspective of a 9 year old.. I’m gonna say the post is BS

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These Redditors split on whether the mother was right to back her kids or failed to steer them toward kinder solutions. Are their takes on Gabe’s troubles spot-on, or do they miss the family’s bigger picture? This camping clash has everyone buzzing about teens and tough love.

This tale of a camping trip gone sour shows how teen frustrations can ignite family feuds. The mother’s support for her kids’ snap at Gabe reflects a parent’s loyalty, but Reddit’s mixed takes suggest a missed chance to teach restraint. How would you balance defending your kids with guiding a troubled teen like Gabe? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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