AITA for asking someone to go home because they showed up to my house in a swim suit?

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A lively D&D game night took a splashy turn when a guest showed up three hours early, sporting a swimsuit and eyeing the host’s pool. The 25-year-old host, juggling an online class, shut down the uninvited dip and sent the couple packing, sparking a rift.

This Reddit tale, buzzing with 80s-themed elf ears and boundary battles, hooks readers with a question: when does a guest’s boldness cross the line into entitlement?

‘AITA for asking someone to go home because they showed up to my house in a swim suit?’

My friend Andrew (29M) is testing out a D&D campaign based in the 80s. The group loved the idea and we all planned to dress up as our characters. For example, I (25F) am an elf, so I have ears and an 80s outfit.. Andrew wanted to do a one-off campaign and asked if he could host it at my house..

Mark (31M), who usually joins these campaigns, asked if his girlfriend Marcy (25F) could join.. The night of the campaign comes, and Mark shows up early.. The game started at 7PM, he was there at 4PM.. I ask him where Marcy was.. He said— *Oh she went around the back.*. I told him— T*he gate is locked, to keep my dog inside the yard.*. Marcy ends up coming to the front door in a swimsuit, with a tote bag.

I tell them— *I am right in the middle of my online class, so you guys should come back at 7PM. Nothing is ready yet.*. Marcy says – *I want to use the pool.* I tell her—*I don’t let people use my pool. I am also in the middle of class, so please come back at the right time.*. Marcy says she just wants to swim, she won’t be louds. She will just use the pool and leave.

I tell her—*No. You cannot swim. Not now, and not in the future. I absolutely hate when people use me for my pool.*. Mark said - *She is not using you for the pool. She just wants to swim.*. Marcy said—*I have a costume for later, but I wanted to swim.* I told Mark— *I am going back to class. Don’t come to the game night, we can talk when I have cooled off.*

They didn’t come to the game night and I told Andrew (the game designer) what happened. No one else knew. Mark and Marcy ended up breaking up a few weeks later. Mark says that the whole conversation was weird, I was an a**hole about the pool.. AITA?

This poolside showdown highlights the clash between hospitality and personal boundaries. The guest’s assumption that she could use the pool, despite arriving early and uninvited for that purpose, ignored the host’s clear constraints.

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Dr. Janine Domingues, a relationship expert, notes, “Respecting a host’s space and time is fundamental to social etiquette.” The host’s firm refusal and uninvitation, while sharp, protected her home and priorities during a busy moment.

Boundary disputes are common; a 2023 study found 65% of homeowners report discomfort with unrequested property use. The guest’s persistence and her boyfriend’s defense escalated the tension, dismissing the host’s valid stance. Domingues suggests clear communication to prevent such conflicts.

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The host could reinforce her no-pool policy calmly, while the couple should have respected her initial no.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s crew dove in with fiery support and witty jabs.

navd671 − NTA.. They had the chance to not suck before they showed up THREE HOURS EARLY.. Then they had the chance to realize they sucked but still apologize when you told them you had class.

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Then they had the chance to not continue asking to use you for your pool when you told them directly you didn’t like it when people used you for your pool.. They declined at each step. Yeah, Mark’s right. The conversation WAS weird. Because it was a completely antisocial situation they instigated and forced you into.

Piper6728 − NTA. They wouldnt respect your time, privacy, and property. They wouldn't even take no for an answer and needed to be kicked out and uninvited for future stuff. You were being used (she LITERALLY said she would just use the pool and leave,) and you wouldnt have any of it and I say bravo on kicking out those entitled assholes. 👍🏻

[Reddit User] − They were invited for 7pm, not 4pm. For an event not including the pool. NTA.

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ur-squirrel-buddy − the whole conversation was weird. Yeah, it was weird. Weird that someone would be so entitled as to show up ready to dip into someone’s pool without asking or having been invited. They’re the weird ones!!! You are nta

HedgieTwiggles − “Mark said - _She is not using you for the pool. She just wants to swim._” I guess Mark and I have very different definitions of what “using someone for something” means. To me, that’s _EXACTLY_ what she was doing. And people don’t realize that pools are a lot of work and also put the owner on the hook for a lot of liability. I COMPLETELY understand not inviting people over to use your pool.

This doesn’t even deal with the fact that someone showed up at your house unannounced three hours before they were supposed to. I likely wouldn’t have answered the door (man, I love having a video doorbell).. NTA. EDIT: I wonder if Marcy would have expected to use your shower after swimming, too. After all, she had “a costume for later.”

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bamf1701 − NTA. First of all, if she wanted to use the poolC she should have asked you *before* she came over, not just showed up in a swim suit. Second: once you said “no,” that should have settled it. They should not have kept pushing it.

Just because you have a pool does not mean you own a public utility.. Also, she just immediately went out back without asking you first? That is just rude.. And, yes, she was using you for your pool.

Escape_Overlander − 'I'm not using you for your pool, but.... I'm only here for your pool, I'll keep asking until you say yes.' Cut these people off an anyone who disagrees that you can't have this boundary and ability to say no. Nta

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Alarming_Paper_8357 − NTA Mark and Marcy, on the other hand -- wow. Showing up THREE HOURS early for a gathering that doesn't include a pool party, and then demanding to be allowed to use the pool is pretty darn entitled. Especially since you were busy. She wanted to swim? Well, la-di-dah -- who gives a flip what she wanted? Yes, the whole conversation was weird, because what normal, rational person DOES THAT?!?!

[Reddit User] − NTA. That's your Pool and It's your say if they can swim in it or not.

HCIBSW − NTA. That was rude of her to assume that you had nothing else planned and the pool was free to use at any time.

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From slamming the couple’s entitlement to praising the host’s backbone, these takes spark a lively debate. But do they fully capture the nuances of hosting etiquette?

This tale of a swimsuit snafu and a host’s stand leaves us pondering the limits of hospitality. The host guarded her space, but was her uninvitation too harsh? Should guests assume access to a host’s amenities? What would you do if a guest pushed past your boundaries? Share your thoughts—how do you balance kindness with protecting your home?

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