AITA for asking my sister if her wedding was “worth it”?

At a sprawling 200-guest wedding, a brother’s attempt to comfort his crying sister turned into a stinging jab that left family ties frayed. Disillusioned by a year of her stressful planning and unimpressed by the chaotic, lavish event, the 27-year-old—who cherished his own small ceremony—asked if it was all “worth it.” His mother blasted his sour attitude and rude question, and now silence hangs between them. Was his query a moment of honesty or a cruel dig?

This isn’t just a wedding clash; it’s a raw tale of sibling dynamics, clashing values, and ill-timed words. With Reddit roasting his approach, the brother’s left questioning his actions. Step into this matrimonial mayhem and decide: was he the jerk, or just brutally honest?

‘AITA for asking my sister if her wedding was “worth it”?’

My (27M) sister (24F) got married last Saturday. It was a nightmare. She and my mom spent nearly the entire year in the leadup to the event talking about it. This wouldn’t have bothered me if it was excitement fueling all of those conversations, but instead it was stress. 

I’ve never seen the appeal of a big wedding, but watching this play out has solidified my point of view. My husband and I got married in a small ceremony in front of only close family and friends (maybe 25 people there at most), hosted a slightly bigger reception for others we also wanted to celebrate with, and called it a day.

There was no anxiety about planning, no looming dread that this perfect day we had built up in our heads might not go 100% as planned. Just us celebrating our love with people we love. My sister’s wedding was the antithesis of that. It was over the top.

The guest list was already massive, and then she allowed children there on top of that. If you can imagine 200+ people plus kids running around what is supposed to be a peaceful event and NOT get anxious, I envy you. I already knew the whole thing was going to go terribly, as much as I hate to say it.

You can’t welcome that level of mayhem while also having your itinerary planned down to the minute. There was nothing intimate or personal. It seemed she was inviting ‘friends’ she hadn’t spoken to in years just to fill out more seats. The whole thing was ostentatious and I have no idea who she was trying to impress.

Myself and the rest of our siblings are all in similar financial situations. Just because you have the money to pay for something doesn’t mean you should. My husband and I were ready to head home right after the ceremony, but we played nice and stuck around.

At one point over the course of the night she ended up in tears, unsurprisingly. I got roped into trying to comfort her, and I asked my sister if it was worth it. Was all the planning and stress and money dropped on this event worth the final outcome.

My mom told me that my attitude the entire day had been terrible, the comments from my husband and I were distasteful, and that the question I had asked was awful and rude. I haven't spoken to either she or my sister since.. AITA?

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Questioning a bride’s wedding choices on her big day, especially while she’s emotional, is a recipe for hurt, and this Reddit user’s “was it worth it” comment to his sister was more judgmental than comforting. His frustration with her stressful planning and preference for small weddings is valid, but airing it during her distress showed a lack of empathy. The large, child-inclusive event wasn’t his style, but dismissing it as ostentatious ignored her vision, and his negative attitude throughout the day likely amplified the tension.

Wedding preferences vary widely. A 2023 survey by The Knot found that 60% of couples opt for guest lists over 100, often prioritizing inclusivity over intimacy, with no universal “right” approach. His small ceremony worked for him, but projecting that ideal onto his sister fueled condescension.

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Family therapist Dr. Susan Forward advises, “Support during family milestones means prioritizing their joy, not your opinions”. A genuine offer of comfort or silence would have served better than a loaded question. For readers, respecting others’ celebrations, even if they differ, preserves harmony.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit brought the bouquet to this wedding spat, tossing shade at the brother’s smugness while defending the bride’s choices. Here’s what the community had to say about this matrimonial misstep:

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ndcollector - YTA (Editing and adding this after the fact since this is getting a lot of votes, and wasn't sure the bot would pick up the sarcasm) I.N.F.O: Was making your sister feel bad on her wedding day in order to get a dig in and make yourself feel superior worth it?

BaconEggAndCheeseSPK - Your attitude is n**ty. I don’t know who the f**k you are keeping company with, but almost every wedding I’ve attended had 200+ guests, about half had children, and nothing turned to mayhem.. Climb down off your high horse, nobody thinks you’re special just because you had a small wedding. YTA.

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PJfanRI - YTA. Just because you wanted a small, peaceful wedding doesn't mean that's what you're sister wanted. You might get anxious at the thought of a large wedding, but many people don't. A 200+ person wedding really isn't that ostentatious either.

Just out of curiosity, why did you think the best way to comfort your crying sister was to ask if the extravagance of her wedding was worth it? Did you somehow think that would make her feel better, or were you just trying to make yourself feel better?

Meemaws_BearCheese - YTA. I agree with your mother. I'm a small wedding person myself, but that doesn't mean I judge other weddings. There is no one ideal wedding. It is different for everyone. You spent the entire day blowing smoke up your own ass by noticing everything that was 'off' about your sister's wedding

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and patting yourself on the back about how much better yours was, and then when your sister was o**rwhelmed, you took the opportunity to rub salt in the wound. You weren't trying to comfort her. You were just being an ass.. Your mom and sister have likely enjoyed not speaking to you. You sound atrocious.

AggressiveChihuahua - On her wedding day you dropped a 'was it worth it' on her? I could go into a long explanation about it but I think that alone speaks volume and I think you already know YTA.

bippityboppitynope - YTA. You sound like you enjoy ruining things for people and very 'I told you so' smug which is insufferable.

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DelurkingtoComment - YTA only an AH would think “so… was it worth it?” is an appropriate thing to say when you’re trying to comfort someone.

[Reddit User] - YTA. I share your sentiment about big weddings. My husband and I were married at the courthouse. Simple, easy and low-cost. It was what we wanted. What you don’t get to do is to have such an attitude that you come across as disdainful and rude. Your post reeks of condescension.

You thought that your sister should do things the way you do. You make a notation of her inviting people she hasn’t seen in awhile just to have more seats to fill! You’re coming across as you know better, her choices aren’t right, and that you are the only one correct. This is why your attitude was called out.. Edited for a word.

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SweetPotatoFamished - INFO: what comments did you and your husband make other than you saying this one thing?

[Reddit User] - YTA because you seem satisfied and vindicated that your sister was in tears on her big day. Good for you that you had the wedding you wanted. It doesn't make you the better person.. I had the big wedding and it was the best day of my life.

Also it's hard to judge if the actual wedding was stressful or were there a**hole people your sister had to cater to or something seriously got messed up. If your sister was upset, that wasn't the time to be smug and rub it in her face. A good sibling would have tried to cheer her up or held their tongue if the situation was too exhausting for them.

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These fiery takes slam the brother’s attitude, but do they miss his perspective on stress? Reddit’s clear: keep the digs off the dance floor!

This wedding saga, soured by a brother’s ill-timed jab, unveils the delicate balance of family support and personal judgment. The Reddit user’s question about his sister’s lavish wedding’s worth was a moment of frustration that landed as a low blow, leaving family bonds strained. As he faces their silence, the question lingers: was his honesty misguided, or could he have softened his approach? What would you do when a family celebration clashes with your values? Drop your stories, advice, or spicy takes below!

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