AITA for asking my plus-sized friend if she’d like my old clothes that no longer fit now that I’ve lost a ton of weight?

The air in their cozy coffee shop hangout felt heavier than usual. A tall, vibrant woman, fresh from her weight-loss triumph, thought she’d found the perfect way to help a friend—only to watch her kind gesture crumble into awkward silence. Offering clothes that no longer fit seemed like a win-win, but her friend’s quiet reaction hinted at a deeper sting. Missteps in friendships can hit harder than a missed gym session, and this tale of good intentions gone awry has Reddit buzzing. How did a simple offer spark such a rift?

Body image and friendship are delicate threads, woven tightly in today’s world. This story pulls at those threads, inviting us to explore how words, even well-meant, can land like unintended jabs. As the original poster (OP) navigates the fallout, readers can’t help but wonder: was this a thoughtless blunder or a misunderstood act of kindness? Let’s dive into the drama and unpack the emotions behind this wardrobe offer.

‘AITA for asking my plus-sized friend if she’d like my old clothes that no longer fit now that I’ve lost a ton of weight?’

Ok I swear I was just trying to be nice. But now she’s telling all our other friends and I feel like everything is being taken out of context. So I’m a really tall girl (5’11) and I’m a very active person normally. About two years ago I got a major injury in my lower back which prevented me from exercising and doing much of my hobbies.

I gained an insane amount of weight as a result in those months and became quite depressed. About a year ago I started with a PT that really clicked with me and together I’ve finally found a way to keep my pain under control. I lost a ton of weight in the meantime and am now ~10 pounds from my target.

I can do my hobbies again too. So a lot of my clothes that I’ve bought in this time obviously can’t fit me anymore. Since I’m tall as well, the clothes I bought were often special ordered from plus sized boutiques that specializes in professional clothing (I still needed work clothes at this time).

I spent a lot of money on all these clothes since I didn’t know if I was ever going to lose this weight then. ANYWAYS I’ve got a good friend who’s plus-size and just got a new office job. She was complaining about how expensive it was going to be to buy all new clothes. I jumped and was like “oh I’ve got a TON of clothes from before I lost all the weight. You can see if you want any!”.

She got kinda quiet and said no thanks. And I was like ok sure. But in past days she’s told our friends and all of them think I was out of line for offering? They said I made her feel bad for offering her my used, “pre-skinny” clothing and making her feel extra large in return.. That 100% wasn’t my intention. AITA for offering her these clothes?

Good intentions don’t always guarantee smooth delivery, and this wardrobe offer proves it. The OP’s excitement to help clashed with her friend’s sensitivity about body image, creating a classic case of miscommunication. Both sides have valid feelings: the OP saw a practical solution, while her friend likely felt spotlighted for her size. It’s a reminder that words carry weight—sometimes heavier than we intend.

Body image discussions are tricky, often tied to personal struggles. According to a 2021 study by the National Eating Disorders Association, 60% of adults report feeling shame about their body size at some point (nationaleatingdisorders.org). The OP’s phrasing, emphasizing her “pre-weight-loss” clothes, may have unintentionally amplified her friend’s insecurities. Dr. Susan Albers, a clinical psychologist specializing in body image, notes, “Comments about size, even well-meaning, can trigger feelings of inadequacy if they highlight differences” (psychologytoday.com).

Broadening the lens, this story reflects a societal fixation on weight and appearance. The OP’s focus on her weight loss, while celebratory, might have felt like a subtle comparison to her friend. A more neutral offer, like mentioning the boutique’s quality, could have sidestepped the issue. For anyone in a similar spot, experts suggest framing gifts around utility—say, “These are barely worn; they’d look great for your new job!”

To mend fences, the OP could apologize for her wording while affirming her friend’s value. A simple, “I didn’t mean to make you feel uneasy; I just thought these could save you some cash,” could rebuild trust. Sensitivity training, like workshops offered by organizations such as Body Positive Alliance (bodypositivealliance.org), can also help navigate these conversations. Thoughtful communication is key to keeping friendships intact.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s verdict? A mixed bag of empathy and eye-rolls. Here’s what the community had to say, served with a side of humor—because who doesn’t love a spicy take?

CakesAndBrakes − NTA You're not the a**hole here but I think it definitely could have been worded better. I can see why she took it in an insulting way. I would just reach out to her and clarify that you making the comment about you having lost weight wasn't meant to be derogatory towards her, you just think that she looks super cute and you have a lot of clothes that would look great on her

hecate_13 − As a plus size woman who hates shopping, I LOVE IT when people offer me clothes that they've shrunk out of. I'm proud of them for meeting their goals and I'm stoked to have some new clothes.

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lavend3r_town − NTA but maybe she got hurt by the wording? 'Clothes from before I lost all the weight' could have been 'clothes I'm not using anymore' or 'I just cleaned my closet and was going to get rid of these but maybe you can have them'. Maybe talk to her and tell her it was not your intention to hurt her. You did nothing wrong but this probably is a sensitive topic for her.

Master-Salamander − NAH You were just trying to be nice, but understandably she got upset because it might’ve rubbed off on her the wrong way

lieutenant-fokker − YTA here, but unintentionally. You were trying to do a nice thing, but your delivery was crippled by poor phrasing. By mentioning “before I lost all the weight,” you made it about her weight and not cost or fit. Accentuating “TON” probably didn’t help much either.

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dragonesszena − Personally I think NTA, you were just trying to be nice. Seems like a great offer.

gladiatorknightghost − YTA for your phrasing, come *on*. In what world did you think that sentence was a good idea?! Especially if, as you say, she hasn't known you at your previous weight? It makes it look ten times worse. She probably is looking at you wondering what 'all the weight' meant.

I've heard plenty of slender women claiming they lost 'all the weight' when they either lost vanity kilos or had a small amount of weight to lose. When you're staring down the barrel of needing to lose 40kgs, it's really disheartening. You could have just said, 'Oh, I have some clothes from \[insert plus sized boutique name\], would you like to have a look and see if you want any?'.

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That way the offer is twofold - not only have you made the offer of your clothes (and by using a plus sized boutique name have subtly indicated that you were in fact much larger once), you've also given her the name of a place to look.

pixiearro − NTA. But let me tell you who might appreciate them... Find a bariatric doctor. As people lose weight they don't like to have to buy new clothes every month. A lot of those practices have a clothing swap every so often.

I am sure they would LOVE to have the clothes. And congrats on your loss! Keep plugging away! I went keto back in August and I have lost a LOT! My mom and my friend have been taking in my clothes as I lose. It's not easy and I give you serious props!

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IsaRenee − NAH.. It was worded poorly, but you were trying to save her hundreds of dollars. Just don't mention weight next time it comes up. If she is still acting hurt maybe apologize for the wording and tell her that you just didn't want her to have to spend hundreds of dollars if she didn't have to.

[Reddit User] − 'oh I’ve got a TON of clothes from before I lost all the weight' Oof. NTA but I completely understand how this hurt her feelings. A better way to phrase this would have been, 'Oh I actually have some stuff that would look great on you that I've been meaning to pass on to someone!'

Emphasizing that it was before you lost 'all the weight' is obviously going to sound like 'But they'd work for you because, you know, you're so fat.'. I know you didn't mean it that way but I think it could have been phrased more tactfully.

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These are Reddit’s loudest voices, but do they nail the truth? Or are they just shouting into the virtual void? One thing’s clear: everyone’s got an opinion on this wardrobe drama.

This story is a masterclass in how good deeds can trip over clumsy words. The OP’s heart was in the right place, but her phrasing fumbled the pass. Friendships thrive on empathy, and a quick apology might stitch this rift back together. What do you think—was the OP out of line, or did her friend overreact? Have you ever had a kind gesture misfire? Share your thoughts below; we’re all ears for your hot takes!

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