AITA for asking my nanny “who’s employing who?” here?
In a bustling home filled with the giggles of an 18-month-old and a five-year-old’s boundless energy, a mother thought she’d found the perfect nanny to keep things running smoothly. But lately, the harmony’s been disrupted by a nanny who bends the rules like a toddler testing boundaries. From toys sneaking into the kids’ bedrooms—against the mom’s clear “rest, not play” policy—to reinstating a confiscated toy, the nanny’s actions have sparked tension. When the mom finally asked, “Who’s employing who?” the nanny quit, leaving her questioning her approach.
This Reddit tale dives into the tricky dance of parenting and managing hired help. It’s a story about authority, respect, and the delicate balance of running a household. Was the mom too harsh, or was the nanny out of line? Let’s unpack this domestic drama and see where the lines were crossed.
‘AITA for asking my nanny “who’s employing who?” here?’
A nanny ignoring house rules isn’t just a minor annoyance—it’s a breach of trust that can unsettle a family’s foundation. This mother’s clash with her nanny over toys in bedrooms and disciplinary decisions reflects a deeper issue of respecting parental authority. Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert, emphasizes, “Consistency in parenting is key to children’s security, and caregivers must align with parents’ rules to maintain that stability” (Aha! Parenting). The nanny’s defiance, from allowing toys in the crib to overriding a punishment, undermines this consistency.
The mother’s perspective is clear: she sets boundaries to ensure restful sleep and discipline, while the nanny sees her disagreements as valid input. This tension mirrors broader challenges in employer-employee dynamics within childcare. A 2021 survey by Care.com found that 62% of parents cite “following instructions” as a top nanny expectation (Care.com). The nanny’s snap-back and eventual quitting suggest a refusal to align with the family’s values.
Dr. Markham advises addressing such conflicts with clear communication and firm expectations: “Set boundaries early and revisit them calmly.” The mother could have scheduled a formal meeting to clarify roles before escalating to “who’s employing who?” Offering specific examples and solutions, like a checklist for rules, might have prevented the fallout.
See what others had to share with OP:
Reddit users jumped in with a mix of support and sharp takes, serving up opinions as bold as a toddler’s tantrum. Here’s what they had to say:
![[Reddit User] − NTA. and coming from a nanny, she's way out of line. Aside from everything else she is in the wrong for, I really must ask, why is she even putting the baby in the crib to play to begin with? I've been a nanny for 15yrs... including twins & 3 under 3 in that time frame...never have a put a child in their crib, to play.... ???](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/301409T-05.png)
From calling out the nanny’s overreach to questioning the husband’s stance, Reddit’s responses are a lively mix of empathy and outrage. Some see the mom as a boss asserting her rights, others wonder if her words were too sharp. Do these comments hit the mark, or are they missing the nuances of managing a nanny?
This story of a nanny’s rule-breaking and a mom’s pointed question shows how quickly trust can fray in a household. The mother’s desire for order clashed with a nanny who played by her own rules, leading to a resignation that’s left the family reeling. Was the mom’s “who’s employing who?” too harsh, or was it a fair stand for her authority? Share your thoughts—what would you do if your caregiver ignored your rules? How do you balance firmness with fairness in a home full of kids and expectations?
