AITA For Asking My Mother & Father In Law To Choose Between Their Two Daughter-in-law‘s?

In a quiet moment before heading to her in-laws’ home, Sarah’s phone buzzed with a call that turned her world upside down. Her husband, miles away on military deployment, revealed a shocking discovery: a fake dating app profile bearing her name and photos. The culprit? Her sister-in-law, whose “joke” threatened to unravel family ties. The sting of betrayal lingered as Sarah drove to confront the situation, her heart heavy with disbelief and anger.

What began as a seemingly harmless family visit spiraled into a test of loyalty and boundaries. Sarah, caught between her husband’s support and her in-laws’ pleas for peace, faced a dilemma that would challenge any family. How do you navigate deception from someone close, especially when those meant to mediate seem to sidestep justice? Her story raises questions about trust, accountability, and the cost of standing your ground.

‘AITA For Asking My Mother & Father In Law To Choose Between Their Two Daughter-in-law‘s?’

Right before I was about to leave for my M&FIL house I got a phone call from my husband, husband was extremely upset and asked me if I had left for his parents yet. I said no and he told me he needed to make me aware of a situation, a few hours before his father called him and shared with him screenshots of a dating app profile containing my name and photos..

Before I could say anything my husband reassured me he knew it was fake.. A few things that tipped him off.. 1. Screenshots from the profile said “less than a mile away” when referring to the distance of the user. 2. It was my SIL who found the account.

My straight, female, and married SIL just randomly decided to go on bumble and somehow fell upon my profile even though we live over 100 miles apart. When I got to M&FIL's house FIL rushed out to talk to me, he told me I had every right to be upset but asked me to be the bigger person and not cause any more unnecessary drama.

When I got to SIL, initially she denied everything but after about 2 minutes she couldn’t keep her story straight. Instead of apologizing she just started bawling her eyes out, she blamed the whole thing on pregnancy hormones and tried to play it off as a joke.

My M&FIL both pulled me outside to try and get me to calm down. I asked them why they were taking her side they told me there were no sides and they were just trying to keep the peace. After they said that I lost it and told them keeping the peace it’s just an excuse used by enablers.

I told them that they had a very important decision to make, if they choose to standby SIL they will lose me as consequence. They told me they were afraid to lose their grandchild and I responded with “You're going to lose a set of grandchildren, either way, it’s either going to be the ones in front of you now or the future grandchildren me and husband will have.”

My husband and I are on the same page and we have both agreed to cut contact with his family unless some kind of just consequence for SIL happens.. Edit:. Background info. Husband is currently 12 months into an 18 month deployment for the military..

Edit 2:. I feel like I need to clarify the family relations.. I am not biologically related to anyone in this post.. I am married to my husband who is biological related to his brother. BIL is married to SIL. FIL & MIL have two biological sons and two daughter-in-law‘s (myself and sister-in-law).

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Update I would first like to say thank you to everyone who commented and sent me information and tools on how to deal with my situation. I have read all comments multiple times and although I didn’t get back to everyone I tried to take all the information as best I could.

My y husband and I talked about everything that happened between me and his family, after a lot of back-and-forths we couldn’t agree on how to handle the situation so we decided to do couples therapy. After therapy, we have both decided to completely cut all communication and ties with his brother and SIL.

As for his parents, the plan is for me to no longer go and see them or for me to make any active attempt to communicate or be a part of their lives. If his parents do not attempt to reach out to me for the remainder of my husband‘s deployment (5 months) then we have decided to go no contact with his parents and cut them off completely. The biggest question I saw in the comments is why does my SIL hate me so much? Here is some more information,

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1. SIL became pregnant after two weeks of dating BIL, SIL and BIL remained unemployed throughout SIL entire pregnancy and lived 100% off of the means of my in-laws. My husband and I are homeowners and both of us are very successful in our independent careers.

1. SIL has always struggled with what she wants to do with her life, she doesn’t like taking care of her baby but doesn’t want to work. She goes back and forth on these grandiose ideas for a career but doesn’t want to go back to college.

About a year and a half ago my SIL started talking about becoming a realtor, but they couldn’t afford the fees and classes required to do so. I had always toyed with the idea of getting my realtors to license so I told my SIL I would happily pay for her classes, fees, etc and she and I could go through the courses together. After a month my SIL bailed on the idea of becoming a realtor but I finish and got my license.

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1. I am unable to physically have children, I found this out a few years ago, and emotionally I have never recovered. Ever since I found out I refuse to hold or play with any baby, older kids are easier but emotionally I am not mature enough to interact with a baby yet.

I have never held my SIL baby and although I have had conversations with her directly as to my reasons as well as my in-laws they take it very personally. I have this issue with all babies even my sister‘s and best friend's baby. I am currently in counseling. My husband and I have decided that we are going to start looking for a house in my home state so that way I can be closer to my old friends and my family.

And no matter which way things go with his parents we both believe some distances is a good idea. P.S I have not given up on my cake decorating hobby and since then I have made almost a dozen more cakes for friends and neighbors. Thank you to everyone who gave me the confidence for moving forward and not giving up.

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Sarah’s confrontation with her in-laws over her sister-in-law’s malicious act is a classic case of family boundaries being tested. When someone close betrays trust, it’s natural to feel both hurt and compelled to demand accountability. Sarah’s ultimatum, while bold, reflects a deeper need to protect her emotional safety and marriage, especially with her husband away on deployment.

The sister-in-law’s fake dating profile wasn’t just a prank; it was a calculated move that could have endangered Sarah’s reputation and relationship. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Trust is built in very small moments… but when it’s broken, it requires intentional effort to repair” (source: Gottman Institute). Sarah’s SIL’s refusal to own her actions and the in-laws’ attempt to “keep the peace” sidestep this necessary repair, leaving Sarah feeling dismissed.

This situation touches on a broader issue: the enabling of toxic behavior within families. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 60% of family conflicts escalate when mediators avoid addressing the root cause, often prioritizing harmony over justice. Here, the in-laws’ neutrality risks perpetuating the SIL’s harmful actions, forcing Sarah to draw a hard line to protect herself.

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For Sarah, moving forward means setting firm boundaries. Experts suggest clear communication and consequences, like Sarah and her husband’s decision to cut contact with the SIL. Therapy, as they’ve chosen, can help navigate lingering resentment and clarify expectations with the in-laws. Sarah could also document interactions and seek legal advice if the SIL’s actions escalate, ensuring her safety and peace of mind.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, and their takes are as spicy as a family dinner gone wrong. Here’s what they had to say about Sarah’s dilemma:

Sel-Reddit − NTA. Pregnancy doesn’t take over your mind, make you download and create a fake dating profile and ‘frame’ your SIL. That took sustained effort culminating in it being shown to your husband. She tried to ruin your marriage.

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How are your in-laws defending this? As your husband wasn’t there, if location services weren’t on - how would you have proven your innocence? She lied when cornered and tried to use emotional manipulation to excuse it.

atkhan007 − NTA. Yeah, never heard that pregnancy hormones can cause one to make a profile of someone else on bumble.

Major_Barnacle_2212 − I just read your *other* post and your SIL is trying to sabotage you for some inexplicable reason. It pre-dates the freaking adorable cake. I don’t know what it is but I wouldn’t even ask your parents-in-law to choose.

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I would duck this family based on their last response to the cake situation. I’m sorry. I am sure you wanted to be a part of the family during your husband’s deployment but sometimes you’re better with nothing than something rotten.. NTA

Right-Mark5041 − You know this could have gone very very very bad. She could have given your address out in conversation with men. She could have told them you have rape fantasies.. This situation is very very serious. Protect yourself.. Nta

Risheil − NTA Pregnancy can cause hormones to go wild, make you crave weird foods, cry at commercials, pee constantly, have insomnia, etc.. It does not cause you to post pics of your husband's brother's wife on a dating app. Even with an apology, I'd be avoiding her and anyone who defends her.

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MessatineSnows − NTA, holy s**t. i’m glad your husband is on your side. your SIL could have potentially ruined your life with this, and for what? a “joke” based in “pregnancy hormones”? sorry sis, hormones make you reactionary, not full-blown stupid.

Piper6728 − NTA The in-laws are all assholes, the SIL for not respecting you two and making a joke where they knowingly endanger your marriage. The MIL and FIL are also assholes here since they enable it, (you called it,) any parent who doesnt take action is complicit in my book.. I'd go no contact regardless of what they do. Block this toxic family.

Panasit − NTA, but think about your husband a little bit, even though I'm quite impressed he's on your side this much, which is good (but very rare on AITA). What SIL did was terrible, not a small deal at all, but also not something you deprive someone of access to family over.

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If it was me, I would demand an apology from FIL and SIL. Put the ball in their court, because now, it's you who took the action, and they are just... so normal, and you so overreacted. **See what excuse they have for not apologizing** (I suspect they won't do it without pouting and whining) **for almost ending your marriage.**.

And make sure they know that you know they almost ended your marriage. But you have to be very careful. Family separation is something that Americans are very weird about and it can cause long-term unresolved trauma years from now. Your husband is on your side now, but what happened when there's some unfortunate development happened and he missed it or he could have stopped it.

Build up tension can cause bigger problems later on, I'm talking decades from now. Nip it in the bud is my suggestion. But remain vigilant because it's obvious now that your FIL is a drama addict and that side of the family is not there to make your life easier at all. But family is family. Keep your enemy closer.

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BellaDonnaBoudreaux − NTA. Is you BIL sure that’s his baby?

Feisty_Ocean − NTA and clearly your SIL is. Older generations may not know how social media/dating apps work so it’s understandable that your FIL believed it. Major kudos to your hubby for nipping it in the bud asap. Not sure what consequences will make it just but cutting out your in-laws isn’t fair to them.

I would go no contact with your SIL & BIL and have your hubby handle that relationship when he’s back. Just make it clear with your in-laws y’all’s relationship will only happen with the SIL & BIL not in it until further notice or possibly never and they are going to have to accept that.. She tried to blow up your entire world, that has massive consequences.

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These are the hot opinions from Reddit, but do they capture the full picture? Some call for cutting ties entirely, while others urge caution to avoid long-term family rifts. It’s a messy mix of support and tough love—classic Reddit style.

Sarah’s story is a rollercoaster of trust broken and boundaries tested, leaving her and her husband to redefine family ties. Their decision to pursue therapy and distance themselves shows a commitment to healing, but the path forward remains uncertain. Families are messy, and navigating betrayal can feel like walking a tightrope. What would you do if a relative’s “joke” threatened your marriage? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar family fallout, and how did you handle it?

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