AITA for asking my mom to buy a new dress for my wedding?

Tensions flare in a Chicago living room as a wedding plan unravels over a single dress. A groom-to-be, caught between his fiery Polish mother and his fiancée’s quiet concerns, makes a bold request that ignites a family feud. The dress—flowy, deep-V, with splashes of beige too close to white—threatens to steal the bride’s spotlight, and the mother’s refusal to budge escalates into insults and ultimatums.

What started as a simple ask spirals into a clash of pride, tradition, and wedding-day dreams. The groom stands firm, but at what cost? Readers can’t help but wonder: is he right to prioritize his fiancée, or has he crossed a line with his mom?

 

‘AITA for asking my mom to buy a new dress for my wedding?’

My mom (mid 40s), takes pride in her look and style, this weekend sent my fiancé a picture of the dress she bought for our wedding, which is in 9 months. I could see that my fiancé wasn’t reacting well when my mom called her for thoughts.

My fiancé, being respectful mentioned that the style (deep V and flowy) and colors (blue and splashes of beige that looks close to white) were a concern because it could be similar to her wedding dress. Talking to my fiancé after their call, she asked me if I could ask my mom to get a new dress.

As a preface, my mom is an intense and demanding person, we are Polish, and she escalates things quickly, but I thought that when I called and asked her she’d be upset, but still understanding. I called her yesterday and asked her how everything was going, how I saw the dress and thought it was beautiful but had some concerns with it: namely the style and part of the color scheme being very close to white.

In the most calm manner I explained that I don’t want my fiancé to feel upstaged or not the center of attention on her wedding day and I’m worried that could happen at the wedding if my mom wore this particular dress. Silence on her end... until a bomb dropped.

She went off on me saying that she can’t believe that I’d ask her to get a new dress, and that I shouldn’t worry about my fiancé’s “insecurities and grow the f**k up”. Being calm, I explained to her that this is my and my fiancé’s wedding day and that it’s important that my future wife feels most special.

My mom went to state that this day is special for her too and she will wear what she wants, final. I explained while this is a special day for everybody, it’s particularly MY and MY fiancé’s wedding and I’d feel much more comfortable if my mom could just get a new style/color dress.

She continued to go off, now throwing insults at me, talking s**t about my fiancé and her family, and saying that she won’t be a part of my “hillbilly” wedding (we are all from Chicago) if she can’t wear what she wants and that it won’t be dictated to her what to wear.

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She also claimed that my fiancé and I always have problems, and that our wedding planning has been a disaster. I have no idea where this came from because everything has always been smooth on our end, and we are mostly self funding the wedding and not relying on my mom for anything.

I then started to get frustrated and told her to watch what she is saying because she can ruin relationships for good, and that if she doesn’t want to be a part of my wedding because of this, to say it now and we can make that happen.

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Our conversation ended in screaming back and forth as I had had it with the insults and unwillingness to be flexible. Now my family birthday dinner and holidays are ruined unless she apologizes. Knowing her, she won’t.. AITA for asking my mom to get a new dress for my wedding that is 9 months away?.

Weddings often unearth deep family tensions, and this dress dispute is no exception. The groom’s request for a new dress seems reasonable, but his mother’s explosive reaction suggests underlying issues. Wedding planner Lisa Holloway notes, “Guests should avoid white or overly flashy attire to respect the couple’s day” (The Knot). The mother’s beige-heavy dress, while not pure white, risks drawing attention, clashing with wedding etiquette.

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The groom’s calm approach contrasts with his mother’s defensiveness, hinting at a power struggle. Her insults about the fiancée’s family reveal resentment, possibly tied to losing influence over her son. This mirrors broader trends: a 2023 study found 40% of wedding conflicts stem from family expectations (WeddingWire). The mother’s need to shine may reflect cultural pride or personal insecurities.

Holloway advises compromise, like offering to shop together for a dress that honors the mother’s style while respecting the bride. Open dialogue could ease tensions, but the groom must set boundaries if insults persist. Addressing this now prevents future conflicts, especially with holidays looming.

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Ultimately, weddings celebrate unity, not division. The groom’s loyalty to his fiancée is commendable, but mending ties with his mother requires tact. Suggesting a dress that flatters her without overshadowing the bride could restore harmony.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this drama—here’s the tea, served with a side of sass!

lushae − NTA - monster in laws tend to do this. She's sad about losing her baby so pretends it's okay for the day to be about her and only her. You need to stand your ground and simply say no white to the wedding. Offer to go dress shopping with her etc?

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AlveolarFricatives − NTA Having now seen the dress, I think the biggest issue isn’t that it looks like a wedding dress per se, but that it’s a scene stealer. It’s far fancier than typical wedding guest attire and is going to draw a lot of attention to her.

Your fiancée is likely trying to minimize the amount of attention-seeking behavior your mom engages in at your wedding. Of course, that completely backfired. I think it’s time to consider whether your mother is welcome at this event.

kittenoftheeast − NTA your mother has a starring future in r/JUSTNOMIL. btw,. Fiancé = male.. Fiancée = female.

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Starspangledass − NTA. Your mums a p**cho dude, run

eatthebunnytoo − NTA , that dress is ridiculous for a Mother of the Groom to wear, tell her it will make her look like an attention seeking mentally ill person to wear that to anyone’s wedding, let alone her sons.

trinp − NTA. Better for you to ask than your fiancé. I am curious though, how much white is actually on her dress? If it’s mostly blue with some white, I doubt it would be perceived as a wedding dress. Also, everyone will know who the bride is, no one will be able to upstage her.

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[Reddit User] − NTA- This battle is over a dress, there will be a next one over holidays, and another over how often you are expected to visit and a thousand more when you bring children into the equation. Mom will be demanding her way about everything.

There will be WWIII between your wife and your mom about your mom demanding her way and refusing to back off if you don't get into the habit of standing up to her now and cave. This is just how your mom is going to be period. Either have your partner's back or your wife will be on the JustNoSo and JustNoMIL subs.

[Reddit User] − NTA, but this is the kind of situation where I like letting people dig their own graves. She is going to look *ridiculous* in what's basically a prom dress at her child's wedding. So let her. Let people talk. Let the court of public opinion rule the day.

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And make sure to get a few good pics without her (pro tip: ask the photographer to Photoshop more color into her dress. They can also probably alter the neckline some after the fact). You want to try to upstage a bride at her wedding in some frou-frou concoction 20 years too young for you?

God bless, have fun. If I know anything about Polish families (and let's just say I have some experience), those old biddies will *talk*, and there won't be a damn thing subtle about it when they do.. Tell your wife. Make sure she knows ahead of time, so she's not caught off guard. And you two *ignore the f**k out of that dress on the day of your wedding.*

You are calm. You are collected. You are gracious, unflappable, and you both look incredible in your own rights. You say *nothing* of the dress to *anyone* unless *they* bring it up, in which case you deliver a neutral 'bless her heart' style commentary along the lines of 'she has a unique style.' You never let it slip that you are the slightest bit impacted by her dress.

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She wants attention. Don't feed that. Let her go, she'll get all the attention when the old biddies are talking about her every flaw in that dress. If you're lucky, someone else calls her out on it. If you aren't, they judge silently, but they will judge. You two come out looking like a million bucks while she looks ridiculous. And your photographer can Photoshop the pics later.

Kasparian − I am torn on this. Yes, you should not wear anything that might be misconstrued as a wedding dress at someone else’s wedding but quite frankly your description of the dress does not match that. Ultimately you and your fiancée get to call the shots as it’s your wedding.

If it’s going to really bother your fiancée, then stick to your guns. Your mother seems unlikely to apologize and if you guys are willing to let a dress come between you, then so be it. It sounds like your mom has issues with your fiancée that aren’t just about the dress. If it were me personally (I’m female), I’d let her wear it.

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The other guests can think she’s the tacky one if it really looks like a wedding gown. As for your fiancée, what a guest actually wears is going to be the least of her worries that day more than likely. There are so many other important and fantastic things to focus on for her and you on that day.

Editing my comment because I have seen the dress: No, the dress is not occasion appropriate. Not because it would be confused as a wedding dress but just because it is over the top. Now it’s just up to OP and fiancée if they are really going to put their foot down about what a guest can wear.

moss-agate − essentially, is the dress in question, it's nearly $600. does your mother usually spend that much on gowns? is it common for her to wear couture gowns? would it be easy for her to get another one? honestly I'm more surprised she's planning to wear a semi sheer dress than one with any beige on it. it doesn't look like a wedding dress to me, but it doesn't look like something I'd want to wear in autumn.

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These Reddit hot takes are spicy, but do they cut through the family chaos or just fan the flames?

This wedding dress saga shows how fast a small request can snowball into a family showdown. The groom’s stuck in a tug-of-war between his mom’s pride and his fiancée’s big day. While Reddit cheers him on, the real challenge is navigating those holiday dinners ahead. What would you do if a loved one’s outfit threatened your special moment? Share your thoughts below—let’s hear your take on this Chicago clash!

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