AITA for asking my husband to hold his pee during flight with 2 kids?

In many families, travel plans can quickly spiral into chaos when basic needs collide with parenting challenges. During one 3.5-hour flight, a simple restroom break turned into a stressful ordeal, forcing one parent to juggle the needs of a nursing baby and an energetic toddler. The cramped seating and poorly coordinated scheduling set the stage for mounting tension and overwhelming fatigue.

This narrative focuses on a mom’s plea for her husband to delay his frequent bathroom breaks. With the weight of caring for two young children in an already packed space, her request underscores a broader issue of balancing personal needs with the shared responsibilities of parenting during travel.

‘AITA for asking my husband to hold his pee during flight with 2 kids?’

My husband and I flew a 3.5hr flight with our 3mo old and 2.5yo recently. We were unable to buy seats together so I was in the middle aisle with baby and he was across the aisle of me with the aisle seat and the toddler in the middle. About an hour into the flight my husband gets up to pee while I’m nursing baby and as soon as he leaves the toddler crawls over to me.

I try to get the toddler to sit on my lap but he causes baby to stop eating so baby is crying on me while I’m trying to hold the toddler and not disrupt the two people I’m sitting next to. Plus my husband got stuck behind the beverage cart so he could grab the toddler for 20 minutes. Later, my husband gets up to pee again while I’m feeding baby and same thing happens of trying to feed baby with a toddler on my lap.

Ending up with a crying baby and a toddler in one middle seat. Back story, my husband pees a lot. I’ve worked with a pelvic floor therapist and told her how frequently he pees and she agrees it’s too much and he should work with PT to avoid issues down the road. He says he doesn’t need help and blames it on drinking lots of water.

He does work a full time job in an office and does go hours without peeing when he has back to back calls so he’s capable of holding it. He’s never peed himself or had an accident. He did go to the urologist this year who ruled out any prostate, or cancer. After the flight, I told my husband how hard it was to balance both boys and asked if he can just hold his pee.

So many times I have to pee when I’m watching the boys but hold it until timing is better. He said he can’t. Next, I asked if he could ask me before he pees and go when baby isn’t nursing and I have two hands. He said no and he should be able to pee when he has to go.. We have a full summer of flying ahead of us including a few international trips and I’m worried.

Family dynamics during travel often magnify everyday challenges, and this scenario is no exception. Coordinating basic human needs with childcare can be tricky in confined spaces. Experts note that while most adults can delay urination for short periods, effective communication between partners is key to easing such strains. With both parents under pressure, a little forethought could go a long way in averting in-flight chaos.

According to the Mayo Clinic, “Your bladder is designed to hold urine until it is convenient to empty it, though chronic frequent urination may require medical attention.” This reminder reinforces that many adults have the capacity to delay a bathroom break when circumstances demand it. In situations like these, planning ahead—such as coordinating beverage intake and scheduling restroom stops—can help mitigate the stress of managing young children in tight quarters.

Moreover, this scenario highlights a broader conversation about shared responsibilities in parenting, especially when travel amplifies stress. When one partner’s actions inadvertently leave the other overwhelmed, it’s essential to discuss strategies that balance individual needs and collective duties. Professional advice often suggests a team-based approach where both parties contribute equally to caregiving tasks, particularly in challenging environments like airplanes. Open dialogue could encourage both empathy and proactive planning, ensuring that neither parent feels abandoned during critical moments.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit community shared mixed reactions. Some users sympathized with the mom’s plight, arguing that the husband’s repeated absences during key caregiving moments are inconsiderate. Others suggested practical alternatives such as having him take the toddler along during his restroom trips or adjusting pre-flight routines. Overall, the consensus leans toward a shared responsibility approach, emphasizing that both partners should work as a team to ease travel stress.

amoebafr3ak − I'm torn between NAH and NTA. On the one hand, if he has a medical problem causing him to pee and has no ability to hold it whatsoever, then obviously he should get to go when he needs -- but you said that he refused help, so at this point he's choosing this problem.

And it bothers me that it became a 20-minute case of him being absent due to the beverage cart, and that both times he had to pee, you were feeding the baby and had your hands completely full. You were both in a difficult situation, but it sounds like the labor was not divided evenly and the consequences weren't either -- he got his needs met,

while you didn't, and left with all of the parental labor in your moments of highest overwhelm, while you're nursing. If he's unable to hold his pee for a few minutes, he needs a doctor. If he refuses a doctor, and continues to WILLINGLy put you in this situation, he's the AH.

Okdoey − NAH. Every time he goes to the bathroom, wait until he gets back and then go to the bathroom yourself. This means he gets his needs met as he needs to pee so urgently and you get your needs met by having 10 mins to breath after having the stress of managing both.

blindinglights29 − NTA.. Obviously if he has an issue YWBTA to ask him not to pee at all for 3.5+ hours!! But if he cant hold it at least for a little while, til you finish nursing, tell him to wear a nappy and pee himself like the other 2 babies you're expected to care for do. Or at least fork out for seats together so you can put your toddler beside you while you're having to nurse.

Totally unfair to put both kids on you in one seat!!. And Totally unfair to the other passengers. This kinda behaviour is why people glare when they see babies on flights, cos while theres good parents who try to do everything they can to keep their kids calm, then theres the selfish ones...

Public_Ad_9169 − Just ask him to take the toddler with him if you are feeding the baby.

TonightDouble7539 − Unfortunately this sounds like a case of poor planning on you and your husband’s part regarding seating, and having already known your husband frequently uses the bathroom. For your international flights, choose seats together, and next to a restroom. Also, talk to him about drinking less a bit before and during the flight.

Mukduk_30 − All he had to do was take the toddler with him, it's not that hard. I have done it on planes many times

PrettiestFrog − Hand him both kids. Take twenty minutes to yourself elsewhere. Do this every time he abandons you for a 'medical need' he refused to get handled, and let him know it will continue until he sees a doctor and gets treatment or develops an iota of courtesy. This is something I had to threaten my husband with early in our marriage, and turned out it saved his life.

aemondstareye −

Peeing is a regulable bodily function; millions of adults hold their p**s—on commutes, in meetings, on projects, in classes, in emergencies—until it is practical to use the toilet. The only reason he *can't* is because of a medical issue he stubbornly and illogically refuses to address. Tell him to grow up and see the doctor. NTA.

agurrera − NTA- why can’t he bring toddler with him? There’s room in the bathroom for two and it would be helpful for you to only have to manage one kid at a time.

Yoongi_SB_Shop − ESH. You for expecting your husband to not do a basic human function.. Your husband for not giving a sh!t whether he's inconveniencing you or not. Both of you for planning multiple international trips with a baby and a toddler and not being able to be considerate of each other or everyone around you.

This story exposes a real-life challenge where personal bodily needs clash with parenting duties in tight travel conditions. The mom’s frustration reflects a broader call for balanced teamwork and thoughtful planning between partners. Ultimately, what works best in stressful moments is clear communication and shared effort. How would you manage such a situation? Share your experiences and ideas—let’s spark a discussion on finding practical solutions for on-the-go parenting challenges.

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