AITA for asking my husband to contribute $ to expenses on the house we live in, even though he’s not a homeowner?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a charming 1940s bungalow bustling with family life, a financial tug-of-war is brewing. A woman, sole owner of the home for eight years, finds herself clashing with her husband of three years over who should foot the bill for major repairs like a new roof. He pays $800 a month in rent as per their prenup, but balks at chipping in for plumbing or a cracked bathtub, claiming it’s “her house.” With two kids and a mortgage split evenly, Reddit’s buzzing: is she fair to ask for more, or is he just a tenant dodging landlord duties?

The setup—her house, their home—blurs lines of ownership and partnership, especially as both now earn solid incomes. Her frustration grows with every fight, while he leans on the prenup’s fine print. Is she pushing too hard, or is he shirking family responsibility? Let’s dive into this domestic drama where love meets legalese.

‘AITA for asking my husband to contribute $ to expenses on the house we live in, even though he’s not a homeowner?’

*EDIT: I'm getting a lot of Qs about our house payments, it's a $1600/mo mortgage and we each pay $800. I'm definitely allowed to raise his

When we got married, I was making a lot more $ than him and he couldn't afford to get our own home so he moved into mine. We looked into adding him to the house deed/mortgage but were advised against it by the bank folks since his credit was bad and I had already refinanced mid-pandemic for an amazingly low interest rate.

So we put into our prenup that he would pay rent and in the event of a divorce (which is not the plan of course!) the house would remain legally mine since I had put in the down payment and a few years of mortgage payments already. The goal when we married was to save and then move, buying a home together.

I've saved enough for a down payment a few times but he never has, and I didn't want to just front all the money for another house when it's important to both of us for it to be

Income-wise it seems like it evens out, but still, we run into trouble with any type of expenses for the house. There are certain things that I always pay 100% myself, like house cleaners and landscaping, because they are

So those are the expenses I've agreed to take on all on my own, even though. But when the plumbing needs to be replaced, or our kids crack the bathtub and we need a new one, my husband falls back on the

We will talk in circles: He will say living in this

Plus, the whole reason we live here is bc I already owned the home when we met, and my husband has never been able to afford to go in on a new place of our own. He usually relents and contributes some smaller dollar amount eventually, but it's always a fight first and it's exhausting. Right now, I just found out our entire roof needs new shingles and I am dreading the fight if I ask my husband for any help paying for this expense. AITA?

This financial feud is less about shingles and pipes and more about what “home” means in a marriage with separate assets. The woman’s request for contributions reflects her view of their shared life, while her husband’s resistance leans on a tenant-like mindset, reinforced by their prenup. Both perspectives have merit, but the constant battles signal a deeper disconnect.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned marriage researcher, writes in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, “Successful couples build a ‘we’ mentality, even when finances are separate.” The husband’s “not my house” stance undermines this, treating major repairs as her burden alone, despite their family of four relying on the home. Her covering extras like cleaners and kids’ lessons further tilts the scale, breeding resentment.

Marital finance disputes are common. A 2023 Fidelity study found 45% of couples argue over unequal contributions to shared expenses, especially when assets aren’t jointly owned. The prenup, while protective, complicates their teamwork, framing him as a renter rather than a partner.

For solutions, Gottman suggests transparent budgeting. The woman could propose raising his rent to market rates—say, $1,200—to cover repairs, keeping it fair without altering the deed. Splitting kid-related damages, like the bathtub, evenly acknowledges their shared parenting. A joint account for household costs could foster unity.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s comment section is a lively mix of cheers for fairness and shade for prenup pitfalls. Here’s a snapshot of their spicy takes—buckle up! These Reddit hot takes are fiery, but do they nail a fix for this marital money mess?

ChampionshipBetter91 − He needs to pay much more of the kid expenses. Also, it sounds like he has a job that offers insurance: check to see if his is better than what they have, and the cost - he should definitely cover that. The next time he starts that s**t about

Draw up a lease with market rate rent. He's got you shouldering the burden for everything, some from habit and some from a cheap and stingy nature, but that's not how this should be. Finances can be ugly, but he's really made them this way. Get ANGRY and don't accept this.

X-cited − This is so weird to me. Has rent gone up over the 3 years to keep up with market prices? How has he been unable to save for a house during that time? Is rent supposed to cover his half of the utilities or does one of you cover that outright? The kids are your shared expense, it shouldn’t be unilaterally covered by one of you if they cause damage or if they have activities they want to do.

As another commenter said, if your kids broke a tub in a rental it wouldn’t be the landlord’s pocketbook that would be paying for that repair. I’d say you are NTA because your husband seems to be unrelenting and not open to compromise when it benefits him (not paying for the kids, not saving for a down payment). But I would suggest you have an honest conversation with him, because if I was you I wouldn’t want to be financially tied to him with a new house.

RepulsivePoem1555 − Do you not have a joint bank account? If you don't, maybe take his

tiger0204 − So we put into our prenup that he would pay rent and in the event of a divorce the house would remain legally mine YTA - A tenant doesn't pay for major repairs in their landlord's home. It's not the family home, it's your home that you've ensured he can never build any equity in. You should either amend the prenup and put him on the deed (you can add someone to the deed without changing the mortgage) or sell the home and buy one jointly.

SpeechIll6025 − ESH? Does he contribute “rent?” If he does, I don’t know that he should have to pay toward the roof.  That’s a house improvement that he wouldn’t benefit from with the house in your name.  Now kids breaking the bathtub? That should be split, you’d be covering damage no matter where you lived.  

I would say that he should be paying more of the kid expenses.  Sounds like you need to sit down and discuss what you want your kids childhood to be like.  He doesn’t think it’s worth paying for an activities/sports? Did he do any?  Does he recognize the value in being part of a team/group? 

Nathan_Thurm − YTA. You made it clear he's not a homeowner and a renter instead. Clearly some grey area, but you seem to want it both ways. If you divorce (and the way it's going, plan for that),  he gets no money back for fixing your plumbing issues.

Since you're the landlord, those are your responsibility.  And I have to say, this is a terrible way to be married to someone. You guys need to get out of that house asap and combine finances, so you quit nickel and diming each other.

pizzamaphandkerchief − if the genders were reversed they'd be calling you

it seems like you were happy to keep separate finances when you made more income but now that your husband is making more you want to unilaterally renegotiate. if you want him to fix your house then give him equity, otherwise shut the f**k up imo

catskilkid − ESH You obviously had a prenup agreement drafted and agreed upon by the both of you. That is the time to address these types of expenses. You are right that he should be sharing certain home expenses (the cracked tub due to the kids would likely be the responsibility of renters anyways), but the PreNup did not require it.. INFO - who hired the attorney to draft the PreNup?

Likewise, he seems very immature arguing he would not have chosen your home as a place to live since he couldn't afford a place to live for all of you on his own. There really seems to be a lot of financial decisions that you did not address together because this seems very cut throat and not working together as partners. Hence ESH.

CaseyJonesABC − ESH He’s paying rent and the house is yours in the event of divorce. His rent is his contribution towards home repairs/ upkeep. The kids’ classes should absolutely be a shared expense and so should cleaners/ landscaping (unless he’s doing half of that work himself).. Overall, he sounds like an AH in general, but you’re wrong about the house repair issue specifically.

dusklore666 − ESH. I’ve been in a similar situation where I lived with my partner in his house and paid him rent every month. Because I was paying rent, I didn’t contribute to any home renovations. During our years together, the bathroom, balcony, and roof were all replaced or renovated, and my ex saved the rent I paid to him to help cover these costs.

To me, this was fair because, in the event of a breakup (which eventually happened) or if he decided to sell the house, I wouldn’t benefit from those investments. That’s why I didn’t want to put my money into a property that wouldn’t contribute to my future. And for what it's worth, I earned more money than him.

For that reason, I don’t think your husband should have to pay for replacing the roof. However, I do believe that all other household expenses should be shared. If anything in the house gets damaged because of the kids, the cost should be split. Groceries, utilities (gas, electricity, etc.), and expenses like sports activities for the kids should also be shared equally.

This house repair saga shows how quickly a prenup’s clarity can muddy a marriage’s teamwork. The woman’s push for her husband’s help clashes with his renter’s mindset, leaving their family home feeling like a financial fault line. Is she right to demand more for their shared life, or should she shoulder the repairs alone? What would you do if your spouse saw “your” house as just a rental? Drop your thoughts, stories, or advice in the comments—let’s hammer out this domestic deadlock together!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *