AITA for Asking My Husband to Cancel His “Bro’s Only” Trip to Help Me With Our Newborn After He Promised He Would?

Jonathan Hours
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New parenthood can feel like embarking on an unexpected adventure—filled with joy, anxiety, and moments that test every promise made. In this tale, a new mom finds herself caught between her overwhelming need for support and her husband’s long-anticipated “bro’s only” trip. As the weight of sleepless nights and the challenges of breastfeeding set in, she questions whether asking him to cancel his plans is unreasonable or simply a plea for the help she desperately needs.

Navigating those early, tender months is no easy feat, and when commitments made during pregnancy come under pressure, emotions run high. This story shines a light on the delicate balance between personal time and family responsibilities. It invites us to reflect on the promises we make to one another—and what happens when reality forces us to re-examine them.

‘AITA for Asking My Husband to Cancel His “Bro’s Only” Trip to Help Me With Our Newborn After He Promised He Would?’

Before diving deeper into our analysis, here’s the original Reddit post that sparked this discussion:

This situation has caused a lot of tension between my husband and me, and now I’m questioning whether I’m being unreasonable. I (30F) gave birth to our first child, *Olivia*, two months ago. Being a first-time mom has been both beautiful and overwhelming. My husband, *Jake* (32M), was incredibly supportive during the pregnancy and promised that after Olivia was born, he would be there for me every step of the way, especially during those challenging first few months.

Before Olivia was born, Jake and his friends had been planning a 'bro’s only' trip for this summer—a week-long vacation to a cabin in the mountains for hiking, fishing, and bonding. When the trip was being discussed, I reminded Jake that Olivia would only be a few months old, and we would be deep in the newborn phase. He reassured me that if things got too tough, he would cancel the trip to help me out, and I trusted him.

Now that Olivia is here, things have been harder than I anticipated. Between the sleepless nights, breastfeeding struggles, and just trying to adjust to motherhood, I’ve been feeling o**rwhelmed. Jake has been helpful, but I can tell he’s excited about this trip, which is coming up next month.

Last week, I asked Jake if he could consider canceling the trip, reminding him of his promise. I told him that I’m struggling and that having him gone for a whole week would be really tough on me. He seemed surprised and a bit hurt that I was asking him to cancel. He said he’s been looking forward to this trip for months, and that he needs a break, too. He also pointed out that his parents live nearby and could help if I needed support while he was away.

I understand that Jake needs a break and wants to spend time with his friends, but I can’t help feeling like this is a time when I really need him by my side. I tried to explain that while I appreciate his parents' help, it’s not the same as having him here. Jake said that I’m being unfair by asking him to cancel the trip after all the planning that went into it and that I need to trust him to make sure I’m supported even if he’s not physically there.

Now, we’re at a bit of a standoff. Some of my friends think I should let him go, saying that it’s important for him to have some time away, especially after all the stress of becoming a new dad. But others agree that it’s too soon for him to take off for a week, and that he should prioritize being home with me and Olivia. So AITA for asking my husband to cancel his 'bro’s only' trip to help me with our newborn after he promised he would?. edit:

Hey, everyone. I just wanted to give a quick update after reading through most of the replies. I was honestly o**rwhelmed by the amount of support and understanding I received—thank you so much to everyone who took the time to respond. Your kind words and thoughtful advice really helped me feel less alone in this situation.

A lot of you suggested that I should also take a week off, letting Jake stay with Olivia, to get a break for myself. I really appreciate the sentiment behind that suggestion, but there are a couple of reasons why it’s not realistic for me right now. First of all, I’m breastfeeding, so being away from Olivia for that long would be really difficult logistically.

But beyond that, and this is something I know I need to work on, I just don’t feel comfortable being away from my baby yet. I know it’s not healthy to feel like I can’t have her out of my sight, but I can’t help it. I guess it’s just that new mom anxiety that’s really hard to shake.

I’ve been debating whether or not to show Jake this thread. I’m worried that reading it might hurt his feelings, but I’m definitely going to have another conversation with him about everything. I’m willing to compromise and let him go on the trip, but I think a whole week is just too much.

I’m leaning towards suggesting that he limit the trip to a maximum of three nights, so he can still have some time away with his friends but not be gone for an entire week. I’ll update again after we’ve talked. Thanks again for all the support, everyone. It really means a lot to me.. Also, I'm new to Reddit, not sure if I should be posting updates or just editing this post.. 

The expectation of shared responsibility and unwavering support during the postpartum period often clashes with individual needs and desires for personal time. The OP, overwhelmed by the challenges of new motherhood, feels let down by her husband’s insistence on taking a pre-planned vacation with his friends, despite his earlier promise to prioritize her and their newborn. This situation raises questions about the division of labor in parenting, the importance of honoring commitments, and the challenges of balancing individual needs with the demands of family life.

Parenting expert and author Dr. Shefali Tsabary emphasizes the importance of mutual support and understanding during the transition to parenthood. “Becoming a parent is a transformative experience that requires both partners to adapt and prioritize the needs of the family unit,” she states. “Honoring commitments and prioritizing the well-being of the mother and child are crucial for building a strong foundation for the family.”

Dr. Tsabary’s perspective highlights the husband’s misstep in prioritizing his personal desires over his wife’s emotional and physical needs during a vulnerable time. While taking breaks and engaging in self-care are important, it’s crucial to balance these needs with the responsibilities of parenthood and the commitments made to one’s partner.

The OP’s feelings of abandonment and resentment are understandable, given the challenges she’s facing and the perceived lack of support from her husband. Experts like Dr. Tsabary emphasize the importance of open communication and empathy in navigating the challenges of parenthood.

“Creating a safe space for expressing needs and concerns, and actively listening to one’s partner, can foster understanding and strengthen the bond between parents,” Dr. Tsabary advises. This highlights the need for the husband to acknowledge his wife’s struggles, validate her feelings, and reconsider his decision to prioritize a “bro’s only” trip over the needs of his family.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid, raw, and laced with a touch of humor. The responses range from staunch support for the new mom’s stance to pointed critiques of any excuse for not being present during those crucial early days.

These opinions highlight that while some believe a breather is necessary for every parent, many agree that when promises are made, they should be honored—especially in the delicate realm of early parenthood.

In conclusion, this story serves as a reminder of the importance of balancing personal desires with family responsibilities during the newborn phase. While taking a break is understandable, the commitment to support a partner during overwhelming times remains a cornerstone of a strong relationship. What do you think? How should couples navigate the tension between long-awaited personal time and the immediate needs of a growing family? Share your thoughts and experiences—your insights might help others in similar situations.

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