AITA for asking my husband if he resents our daughter?

Picture a cozy family dinner, the kind where laughter and chatter fill the air—until a 6-year-old’s innocent request stops the room cold. Little Lily, eyes sparkling with excitement, asked her dad to let her paint his nails, a playful gesture born from her love for makeup. His sharp “No, and don’t EVER ask me that again” left her crestfallen, silencing her for the day. Her mother, caught between concern and frustration, later asked a tough question: does he resent their daughter for not being the son he’d hoped for?

This Reddit tale pulls us into a family’s struggle with gender expectations and parenting. The mother’s worry about her husband’s harsh reaction to Lily’s feminine interests strikes a chord, raising questions about love, acceptance, and how parents shape a child’s world. Let’s explore her story and the Reddit community’s fiery takes.

‘AITA for asking my husband if he resents our daughter?’

My husband and I have a 6 year old daughter, 'Lily'. When I was pregnant my husband was convinced we were having a son. The thought of it being a girl never even crossed his mind. When we found out it was a girl he didn't say anything but I could see the disappointment on his face.

Since Lily was born my husband has always done more typically 'manly' activities with her. Football, Rugby, Boxing, Martial Arts, DIY etc. This doesn't bother me as she genuinely loves those things. When he comes from work she drags him outside to play with her.

However more recently its taken a more uncomfortable turn. Whenever she cries he tells her to 'grow up' and that 'crying is for babies'. Obviously this wouldn't be right if she was a boy either, but I feel like he's trying to force anything 'feminine' out of her.

She's also taken an interest in some girly things with me. She loves makeup. Adores it. She loves letting me put different makeup styles on her. She lets me paint her nails and I let her paint mine. Yesterday at dinner Lily asked my husband if she could paint daddy's nails for a change.

He looked at her and said 'No, and don't EVER ask me that again.' She didn't cry but was silent for the rest of the day and was obviously devastated. Later before bed I asked him if I resent our daughter for not being the son he always dreamed of.

He said 'how could you even think that?', and I pointed out that he tries to repress anything feminine out of her. He started calling me 'paranoid' and said that just because he didn't want to waste his time getting his nails painted doesn't mean he resents our daughter or wants to force her into anything.. AITA?

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Parenting a young child is like nurturing a fragile sapling—every word and action shapes their growth. In this story, a mother’s concern about her husband’s rejection of their daughter’s feminine interests highlights a deeper issue: rigid gender expectations. His harsh response to Lily’s nail-painting request wasn’t just about polish; it felt like a rejection of her budding identity.

The mother’s question about resentment was bold but fair. Dr. Tovah Klein, a child psychologist, notes, “Parents’ reactions to children’s interests can profoundly impact their self-esteem”. By shutting down Lily’s request, the father may signal that her “feminine” passions are unworthy, potentially stifling her confidence. His discomfort likely stems from societal norms about masculinity, but it risks alienating his daughter.

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This reflects a broader issue: gender stereotypes in parenting. A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association found that 70% of parents unconsciously reinforce gender norms, affecting children’s emotional expression. The father’s “crying is for babies” remarks and rejection of “girly” activities suggest he’s imposing his vision of strength, which could harm Lily’s emotional growth.

Advice: The mother should initiate an open conversation, framing it as a chance to bond with Lily, not a critique. Suggesting he try small gestures—like letting Lily paint one nail—could build trust. Family counseling might help unpack his biases.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of support and tough love. Here’s a glimpse at their raw, heartfelt takes on this parenting drama:

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sr9876 − NTA. Honestly your question seems valid to me. Hurtful maybe, but not unreasonable given his behavior. Regardless of his answer to this question, I’d still try to talk w him about his behavior and attitude toward your daughter, it sounds quite hurtful and must be hard for her to understand why he’s acting how he is.

CakeEatingRabbit − NTA. As a parent you don't press your interests on a child and expect them to play 'your games'.. 'Soccere moms' maybe have a bad name to them but do people really think these women care about soccer?. Dads play tea party or braid hair if the child wants that..

That is being a parent. I don't think your husband needs to let her paint his nails to be a good father. But his reaction to this innocent question is over the top. And that she didn't argue, cry or ask why she should never ask again, gives me the impression that he already scares her.

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Maybe it isn't even about gender for your husband. He might as well would've been umprepared for a little boy who is artistic or into disney princesses as well.. You need to stay on this topic and have your daughters back.

TryUseful6038 − Uh, your husband sounds really insecure in his masculinity. Maybe you should try to get him into therapy, though he’ll probably resist. Imagine if you did have a son with him. You wouldn’t want him ingraining a toxic mindset about what a man is in him. He’s damaging your daughter with the backlash of his own insecurities too. He needs to address and unlearn that behavior to level up as a dad. Good luuuuck!

Throwaway51276 − NTA. As a father to two daughters myself, who I love more than life itself (I wouldn't be here without them), I know how hard it is being a dad to daughters. It took me a long time to connect with them. I mean, they're girls. What do small girls like? Turns out, in my case, it's glitter, makeup and fake tea parties.

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When they were younger, I thought they'd want to do the things I wanted to do with them and that didn't work. They're their own little people with their own thoughts and ideas and you're absolutely right if you're thinking I've come in to work with painted nails and spent many an hour with teddies and imaginary friends while 'drinking' tea.

So no, you're not the AH. Your husband is making zero effort with your daughter in an effort to get to know her. A dad is the strongest male role model most daughter's will ever have and it's important that she knows he's there for her and if you need to get on at him to make that happen then so be it.

inkognito_burrito − NTA. Just because the question hurt his feelings, doesn't mean it is an invalid question to ask. Boy, girl or otherwise, it sounds like he only wants his child to behave and interact in a certain way. I imagine it would be the same if he had a not very masculine son instead.

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Iothil − NTA. There is a difference between explaining to a 6 year old that you don't like to get your nails painted and telling her to 'never ask me that again'. At the very least his reaction was unwarranted and excessive to an innocent request from a 6-year old.

iopele − NTA. His attitude is very poor to say the least. Telling a 6yo 'crying is for babies' is extremely AH behavior and it deserved to be called out. Your daughter was trying to share something she loves with him and he smacked that down wayyyy too hard!

He didn't need to get his nails painted, he just needed to not be a d**k about it, and he failed there. Keep calling out the bad behavior, OP, even if it hurts his feelings, because it's hurting your daughter more.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your husband better change because this is just the beginning of your daughters expression of gender and gender identification. He has to accept he has a girl and the a**hole should have been delighted to let her paint his nails. You have to work on that guy.

gover2087 − NTA for asking. There’s gotta be some other underlying issue with him for him to snap on her like that. Try to have a deep conversation with him about it or try to seek out counseling.

ThreeRingShitshow − NTA. I would tell him the following 'DH, while painting your nails was the activity she asked for she was actually telling you she loves and trusts you. That she wanted to do an activity that she's interested in with you because she wants to share her interests with you.

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She wants to bond with you. It's no different to you showing her how to do DIY. Few people are born loving something like that but you shared that with her and she loves it. This was the first time she's tried to show you she wants to spend that time with you doing something that SHE is interested in.

She doesn't know it's girly and even if it is, she wanted to share it with you - not me. Please find her, say your sorry and that you'd love to do some nail painting. Go and spend that time with her and please teach her that real men listen and that it's fine to share HER interests with you.'.

These Reddit opinions range from backing the mother’s concerns to urging the father to embrace his daughter’s world. But do they hit the mark, or are they missing the deeper layers of this family’s struggle?

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This story of a father’s sharp words and a mother’s protective instincts reminds us how fragile a child’s confidence can be. Lily’s quiet heartbreak over her dad’s rejection speaks volumes, and her mother’s question about resentment opened a raw but necessary dialogue. Parenting means meeting kids where they are, even when it challenges our comfort zones. What would you do if you saw a parent stifling their child’s spark? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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