AITA for asking my half siblings and their mother why I’m supposed to care about my father cheating on her?

A family dinner table, once warmed by laughter, now sits heavy with unspoken grudges under the dim glow of a flickering chandelier. A young woman, still haunted by her mother’s sudden death, faces a painful clash with her father’s new family. Her father’s betrayal, uncovered during her mother’s final days, left scars that time hasn’t healed. Now, his current wife—once the “other woman”—seeks her sympathy after his latest infidelity, stirring old wounds and fresh tensions.

Readers can’t help but feel the sting of her dilemma: should she offer comfort to a woman tied to her trauma, or stand firm in her pain? The Reddit community buzzes with opinions, and the story unfolds with raw emotion, pulling us into a tangle of loyalty, betrayal, and family ties stretched to the breaking point.

‘AITA for asking my half siblings and their mother why I’m supposed to care about my father cheating on her?’

I (25f) don't have a relationship with my father anymore and a very limited one with my half siblings (14 and 15). And I never had a relationship with their mother who is my father's wife and his former mistress/other woman/affair partner. When my mom was alive he was cheating on my mom with his current wife and some others.

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But current wife was the main affair partner. I learned this a few weeks after my mom died because my uncle and father were fighting about it. Seems my uncle found my father and his second wife together when mom in hospital dying. My mom had been sick for all of three weeks before she died and my father was very clearly with these other women before that too.

His wife knew he was married and she even knew that his wife was dying in the hospital and she chose to marry him a few months later anyway. I was so young at the time that it was traumatic going from a healthyish (mom had asthma) mom to a mom who had the flu and then pneumonia and was then gone in a three week span.

Then to find out that the parent you were left with was a disgusting filthy cheater who couldn't even be there for his daughter when her mom was sick. And remarries after less than a year to the woman he was with when she was saying goodbye to her mom. My relationship with my father never recovered from me learning the truth.

I never liked his wife and I made sure I shut her out any time she tried to get close to me. I did develop a relationship of sorts with my half siblings but there are/were tensions there because they know how I feel about their parents and they take offense to me not giving their mom a chance.

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Now they've all learned my father has cheated on her and she reached out to me to cry about it but I shut her down and told her to go to hell. Then my half siblings said they needed to talk to me and they gave me hell for not being there for their mom and to imagine how devastated she is.

I know they're young still so I'm trying to not be too hard on them. But I did make it clear that I was not there for their mom. They tried to defend her and she told me she never did anything bad to me and I always treated her like the enemy. I reminded her she was always one of the villains in my eyes.

Then I was told yet again that our father had hurt her and how she deserved better and she needed help and she was cheated on. I asked why I'm supposed to care when she's nothing to me and she was one of the other women in my parents marriage.

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My half siblings told me she's their mother and I should care about her for them and how they don't want me as a sister if I take so much joy out of their mom being cheated on. I told them that was okay and I'd just leave. But they said I really should care when someone's cheated on because it's bad and dangerous and they scrambled to come up with other stuff.

Their mother said I shouldn't be talking to teens like that and I told her she needed to stop her kids bringing me into this then. I want to figure out if I was wrong to ask that in front of my half siblings specifically. So AITA?

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This family’s drama is a tangled knot of hurt and history, where old wounds bleed into new conflicts. The OP’s refusal to console her stepmother reflects a deep-seated pain from her father’s actions, compounded by the stepmother’s role as the “other woman.” According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, “Betrayal in relationships creates a profound emotional injury, often leading to trust issues that can span generations” . This explains why the OP struggles to empathize—she’s still processing her own betrayal.

The stepmother’s expectation of support ignores the OP’s trauma, creating a one-sided demand for empathy. Meanwhile, the half-siblings, caught in the crossfire, defend their mother, unaware of the full weight of their sister’s loss. This dynamic highlights a broader issue: family blending often fails when past betrayals are left unaddressed. A 2019 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 60% of blended families face significant conflict due to unresolved emotional baggage .

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Dr. Gottman’s advice emphasizes open communication to rebuild trust. For the OP, setting boundaries is key—she can support her siblings without endorsing their mother’s actions. A practical step could be a calm conversation with her siblings, explaining her perspective without attacking their mother. Therapy, individual or family-based, could also help navigate this emotional minefield, fostering understanding without forcing forgiveness.

The OP’s question—why should she care?—is valid. Her pain doesn’t obligate her to play comforter. Instead, she can focus on healing herself while maintaining a cautious connection with her siblings, balancing her boundaries with their need for support.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit hive mind didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of sharp wit and raw honesty. Here’s what they had to say about the OP’s standoff:

KrofftSurvivor − Tell your siblings to just ~give the other woman a chance, after all ~she never did anything bad to them~ and she's not the enemy.... They're old enough to learn that how you treat others will come back to you, and mom is getting her karma...

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Ok_Break6916 − She married a cheater and knew for sure.. What did she expect?. She thought she was 'the one'?. FAFO

Dresden_Mouse − Tell your half siblings you know exactly how they feel but you you had a dead parent and had to live with the affair partner so they better shut Up with this BS

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Upset_Custard7652 − Not sure why your step mother would be surprised that she lost him like she got him. NTA

crazy-carousel − Ask them how they feel about their dad's latest mistress. Bet they don't like her and think she deserves more. They're old enough to know basic logic, like if their amoral mother helped wrong you, you're not gonna be her bestie. They're also old enough to understand the truth and the consequences of that. But they're choosing not to because it's inconvenient for them.

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Azure_W0lf − Just tell her 'at least you're not dying in hospital while he cheats'

Mapilean − You have a fair choice of things to say to that woman:. \- When a man marries his mistress, a vacant place is created.. \- The way you get him is the way you lose him.. \- Once a cheater, always a cheater.. In none of this are you TA, while she and her kids are selfish and entitled.. NTA, definitely.

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MichaSound − Errrrmmmmmmm - why on earth would this woman be turning to her estranged step-daughter for help?. If she need support, she should be turning to her own friends, family, even a trained counsellor. I boggle at the thought that OP is the person she thought most suitable to help her at a time like this. Why? How? What?!?

Queen_of_skys − 'I dont remember you caring enough to close ypur damn legs when my mother was dying.'. Be blunt. They obviously dont give a shi about you anyway.. NTA

TinLydElli − NTA-She F’ed around & found out! Sounds to me like karma was cleaning up. Your siblings, like you say, are young. Perhaps sit them down & ask them about how hurt & upset they are, then ask them to imagine feeling all of that with the addition of their mum passing.

Not in a cruel way, but to try to get them to understand your perspective. Let them know you’re there for them but you won’t compromise your boundaries with their mum. As for your dad, wow. Just wow. What a catch…. I hope you are able to heal from all the hurt he has caused you.

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Some Redditors leaned into karma-fueled quips, while others urged empathy for the siblings’ youth. These hot takes spark a question: do they mirror real-world fairness, or are they just internet-fueled zingers?

This story leaves us pondering the messy edges of family loyalty and personal pain. The OP’s refusal to comfort her stepmother feels like a stand for self-preservation, yet her siblings’ hurt tugs at the heartstrings. Where do you draw the line when family history is soaked in betrayal? Would you hold your ground like the OP, or try to bridge the gap for the sake of younger siblings? Share your thoughts—what would you do in this tangled family web?

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