AITA for asking my girlfriend to pay rent on a house I am going to buy?

Venus Hours
Comments 0 Comments

A dream house on the horizon, funded by years of savings, should spark joy for a couple. But for a 32-year-old man and his girlfriend, it’s ignited a financial feud. After three years together, he’s ready to buy a home—solo—and wants her to pay rent to live there, just like their shared rental costs.

She balks, seeing it as unfair since she’d have no stake in the property. As they navigate love and ledgers, tensions rise over equity and expectations. In a relationship built on separate wallets, this tale of homeownership and harmony unfolds. Can they find a fair deal, or will money divide their shared future?

‘AITA for asking my girlfriend to pay rent on a house I am going to buy?’

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have been living together in a rental for 1 year now. We have always been a 'we have our own money' kind of couple, but have always had a joint account that we both put money into to pay for groceries, rent, electricity etc.

ADVERTISEMENT

Prior to living with her I lived with my parents for a while and I was working full time so I managed to save up quite a lot of money, she is the complete opposite where if she gets money she spends it. I recently decided that I am going to put my savings into a house and move into there. All of the money going into the house will be mine and none of it will be hers.

When we spoke about it I said to her that when we moved into the house, I would like her to pay rent. She claimed that if we were to move in as a couple that she would not pay rent because she wouldn't be renting a place, she would be living in my house with me.

I said that she would need to still pay half of the mortgage payments, but it would be no different to her paying rent to any other place we were living in, only at the end of the day, the house would completely be under my name. Basically I want her to pay rent to live in my place, she doesn't think she should have too. AITA?

Edit: to answer a few common questions. I used the word mortgage in the post and that was a mistake, I never actually said the word mortgage, just the amount I asked for was equal to half of the mortgage which is about less then 25% of most rentals in the areas. I am also able to make payments without her assistance and will pay for all upkeep like any homeowner would

ADVERTISEMENT

This man’s request for his girlfriend to pay rent in his soon-to-be-purchased home has stirred a financial and emotional debate. His logic—mirroring their current rent-sharing—clashes with her view that paying rent without ownership feels transactional. Reddit’s split verdict reflects the complexity: he’s entitled to contributions, but half the mortgage without equity seems steep. Their differing money habits, hinted at in his savings versus her spending, add tension.

Couples often stumble over finances. A 2023 Fidelity study found 45% of partners disagree on household contributions, especially in non-marital cohabitation. His ability to cover costs solo and willingness to handle upkeep clarify his intent, but her lack of legal protections as a “tenant” raises red flags. A formal agreement, as Reddit suggests, could balance fairness.

Dr. Terri Orbuch, author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, says, “Transparent financial talks prevent resentment.” The couple should draft a contract outlining rent (lower than half the mortgage, reflecting no equity), maintenance responsibilities, and breakup terms, like 30-day notice. Discussing long-term goals—marriage, shared ownership, or separate homes—could align their visions. Her paying utilities or a fixed rent, as some Redditors propose, might feel fairer.

ADVERTISEMENT

He should initiate an open talk, acknowledging her perspective while explaining his costs. If she refuses contributions, he might reconsider cohabitation, as their money values diverge. This saga shows love needs clear financial boundaries.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit dished out varied takes on this rent-versus-relationship drama. Here’s what they said:

ADVERTISEMENT

muskiesfan1 - NTA This is completely acceptable. You need to draw up an agreement though that makes her a tenant. Any upkeep, maintenance, upgrades, anything that adds equity is completely on you.

Having a formal rental agreement protects both of you in case this doesn’t work out long term. It’s no different than paying rent elsewhere. Just because you buy a house does not mean she gets to live for free. So have a rental agreement drawn up or she doesn’t live there if she won’t pay rent.

ADVERTISEMENT

xxSKSxx_ - NAH I completely understand why you wouldn't want to put your gf’s name on a house that she's not paying for. However, if you expect her to pay rent then this can't be a one way street. Tenants have rights. There needs to be an agreement so she is protected since she is paying rent.

If you break up you can't just throw her out, if there are repairs that's 100 percent on you as the landlord and so on. I'd also consider long-term plans. I'm assuming you'rethinking long-term. So do you expect her to pay rent her whole life or are there any plans what happens in x years?

ADVERTISEMENT

What happens if she wants to buy a house in a few years? Are you going to live in two places again? This whole arrangement makes sense for the immediate future but if there are no plans for any long-term changes, I'd quite frankly wonder if you considered this a serious relationship.

Rainbowbright31 - ESH. Really we need figures, she should absolutely be paying something but not half. IMO she should be paying less that whatever she is paying in rent now, allowing her to save the difference so that if you break up she will be able to walk away with something and have had some benefit but no stake in the house. You both benefit that way. Taxes are all on you and utilities split.

ADVERTISEMENT

Still_Storm7432 - I think some sort of rent or she pays the utilities ..she should contribute in some way..but half the mortgage when she gets no equity in the home or if you break up she gets nothing, is not ok..maybe she pays less than half.

PrudentDeparture4516 - INFO: what type of contract will she have? Legal protection? When you pay rent to a landlord, you are given certain legal protection via a legally-enforceable contract that states each party’s rights and responsibilities, ie the landlord is responsible for all maintenance and repairs of the building.

ADVERTISEMENT

It also prohibits landlords from being able to evict tenants without notice. This is why tenants pay higher rents to have this protection. If/when she moves in with you, what will she have to protect herself? What happens when a repair is needed on the property, or general maintenance, who pays for that? Or property taxes? What happens if you split up and she’s paying rent?

Will you give her notice? How much? What if it’s not amicable? If you’re going to expect rent from her, then you need to draw up a legal contract and give her her rights. If not, you are being rogue and unfair. I too wouldn’t pay rent in this circumstance and you’ve got to understand that you’re changing the power dynamic from a relationship to a business.

ADVERTISEMENT

Is this what you want for your relationship? Sure, ask her for contributions and split bills but don’t push it too far. If you need her to pay, then perhaps you should look for a roommate instead and wait until you’re ready to live with your girlfriend.

MollyRolls - ESH. She should absolutely be paying rent, but half the mortgage when she’s building zero equity is exploitative. She should be paying a token amount, or utilities or groceries as her contribution, not subsidizing your home ownership. And she certainly shouldn’t be living there for free.

ADVERTISEMENT

GRblue - In my opinion, I think it’s time you guys have a talk about money in general before getting into this. (It sounds like you guys have very different views on money...)

TheSmathFacts - Info: you made a weird comment about how your GF didn’t have the privilege of living rent free at home to build up savings. Instead she’s been paying rent this whole time and has less savings- can you expand on your comment about her inability to save- you make her sound irresponsible but it sounds like she didn’t have the assistance you did.

TheRealestBiz - It is genuinely amazing how many of you have obviously never combined household finances with your partner. This isn’t a conversation you have with them like a property management company, not if you want to stay in a relationship with them. Telling this man to blow up his own life.

manofmatt - So you want her to pay 50% of your monthly mortgage cost without getting any benefits of that? YTA. Do a deal, you pay the mortgage, she pays an equal amount of the household bills. Then you don't pay bills, she doesn't pay your mortgage off and everyone wins.

ADVERTISEMENT

These spicy opinions split on fairness, but do they miss a middle ground?

This couple’s house hunt turned into a test of trust and fairness. His rent request makes sense but risks tipping the relationship’s power balance without protections for her. A clear contract and honest talks could bridge their gap. What would you do when love and homeownership collide over cash? Drop your thoughts below!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *