AITA for asking my friend to wear a more flattering bikini?

The waves lapped against a rented yacht, promising a glamorous bachelorette party—until a friend’s bikini choice stirred choppy waters. A Reddit user, part of a tight-knit group, worries that their plus-size friend Tori’s string bikini, which drew cruel comments at past outings, might derail the bride’s spotlight. Proposing a swimsuit “intervention” with a group shopping trip, the OP faces pushback from friends who cry body shaming.

This AITA post dives into a heated debate over body positivity, friendship, and wedding etiquette. Reddit’s split, with some backing the OP’s intent to keep the party drama-free and others slamming the plan as judgmental. Is this a caring nudge or a hurtful overstep? Let’s sail into this stormy saga, where bikinis and boundaries clash.

‘AITA for asking my friend to wear a more flattering bikini?’

A bachelorette yacht party was meant to be all glitz, but a friend’s swimwear sparked a pre-party showdown. Here’s the Reddit user’s story in their own words:

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Throwaway for obvious reasons, my friends are really split about this so I would like some input. My friends and I rented a yacht for a bachelorette party. One of my friends is getting married. There are seven of us, but a lot of people are coming to the party. One of my friends, let’s call her Tori is a larger woman. Around 300 pounds.

She loves how she looks, she is happy with her weight. All of us love her, we have been friends for years. Last year, we went to a couple of pool parties, the beach together. Each time Tori wore this really unflattering, barely there string bikini. Each time she got a lot of rude stares and negative comments.

We always ended the evening consoling her, yet she wore it several times. Me, the bride, and another friend want to have like an intervention, about the bikini. Then we can all go shopping for new ones together. Our other three friends think that this makes us assholes and that we are body shaming her, so we shouldn’t do it.

They say she should wear whatever she wants. I personally think that this is the brides party, people should be focused on her instead of Tori, and it would not be a big deal if Tori got a new swimsuit. Help us settle this, if we told Tori to wear a more flattering swimsuit would we be assholes?

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This bachelorette bikini brouhaha exposes the delicate balance between body positivity and social dynamics at special events. The OP’s concern stems from Tori’s past distress over rude comments, which disrupted group outings, but suggesting a “flattering” bikini risks shaming her body and choices. The split among friends mirrors broader tensions over appearance norms.

Dr. Renee Engeln, a body image researcher, notes, “Critiquing someone’s clothing for not ‘flattering’ their body often reinforces harmful societal standards, even if well-intentioned” (Source). Tori’s confidence in her bikini, despite needing consolation, suggests a complex relationship with her self-image. A 2022 Body Image study found that 55% of plus-size women face appearance-based judgment at social events, often leading to emotional distress (Source).

This ties to broader issues of fatphobia and event etiquette. The OP’s focus on the bride’s day is valid, but targeting Tori’s attire sidesteps the real issue: rude strangers. Advice: Instead of an intervention, the OP could frame a group shopping trip as a fun, themed activity for all, saying, “Let’s all get matching suits for the bride!” Privately, they could ask Tori, “How can we support you if comments happen?” Therapy might help Tori build resilience.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit dove in with a splash, offering a mixed tide of takes on this bikini controversy. Here’s what the community had to say about the OP’s swimsuit suggestion:

[Reddit User] − NTA I feel like other commentators are missing the point. It's not that YOU don't want to see her in the bikini, it's that you don't want the party ruined by the need to console Tori. That's a very reasonable request for a wedding-related party.

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shadowbluboo − NAH/YTA I see both. YTA because you say she loves her body and is happy but you dont want her to wear the piece to a bachelorette party. Yet NAH because you say the group ends up consoling her everytime she goes out in this piece.

Being a fat woman myself I think I'd take it better if 1-2 of my closest friends said something along the lines of let's get new suits for the party.. Look into torrid. They make some beautiful amazing swim pieces. In 1 and 2 piece suits.

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TravelingBride − NTA reading the headline does sound a little assholeish, but I think you mean well! She wears the string bikini=she gets laughed at=she feels bad=needs to be consoled=ruining the yacht excursion for herself, those consoling her, and the bride. And you just want to avoid that.

You even came up with a nice plan of everyone shopping for bathing suits for a fun girls day and not singling her out. Maybe buy cute coverups? They can be themed or coordinating since you’re the wedding party! That way it’s not obvious or awkward like talking about her body in a bathing suit is!

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AQualityKoalaTeacher − INFO: Are you trying to spare Tori's feelings or yours? Chances are high that people will make comments and be n**ty no matter what swimsuit she wears. She may have a very hard time finding a suit that even fits, much less one that's optimally flattering.

If there's a place that sells a good selection of plus-size swimwear and you want to do a girls' day out where everyone gets swimsuits, then there's nothing at all wrong with that. But she's more aware than you are of what her beachwear choices are, so don't tell her what she already has isn't good enough.

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username09481 − Each time Tori wore this really unflattering, barely there string bikini. Each time she got a lot of rude stares and negative comments. We always ended the evening consoling her, yet she wore it several times. So, she kept wearing it over and over and required you and other friends to console her.

If she was just doing her own thing, who cares, but the fact that she is shifting the burden for caring for her feelings on to others again and again makes her an a**hole. She obviously cannot muster the self confidence to wear it, yet does not learn from the multiple other occasions she has gotten negative reactions and become upset. Perplexing.

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slaphappysammy − NTA. IF. The reason is actually because she gets upset and this becomes a distraction. You’ll need to communicate this with a lot of love. And also to say look, I’ll back you up if you wanna keep wearing it. But if you get upset again and it becomes a distraction, I’m going to be upset.. Tread lightly. No pun intended.

PM_ME_UR_Pumice − I'm torn here - on the surface this is a clear y.t.a - but this line:. We always ended the evening consoling her, yet she wore it several times.. gives me pause..

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If this wasn't happening every time, I think it would be clear to just let Tori be Tori. But no bride-to-be wants to stop her celebrating to console anyone, let alone her friend who this always happens to!.

I think the idea others on here have had about framing it as a girl's thing - everyone going to look at/get new swimsuits could be fun - except that it might isolate her because it can be hard for plus-size women to find suits in regular stores. So if there's a shopping mall or something with a Lane Bryant or Torrid or even Macy's - that could work?

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loloannd − NTA, because as much as Tori claims to love her body and be comfortable, she still feels sad and cries at the end of every day when people make rude comments (these people are also AH), and needs to be consoled. This takes away focus from the bride, who rightly so, should have the majority of attention.

I don’t think Tori is an AH, that sounds harsh, but she needs to either brush off the comments and keep the focus on the bride, or wear a more flattering swim suit. I have no problems at all with plus-sized women who choose to wear two-pieces. Some people don’t think it’s okay, but s**ew those people.

However, I have never met, seen, or known a plus-sized woman who didn’t find a two-piece that was flattering, and made them look and feel good. I would hope that any friend of mine would point out (nicely) if something wasn’t as becoming on me as I thought it was. It might be helpful to have a group of her supportive girlfriends help her pick a suit that will be flattering on her, and allow the focus to be back on the bride.

PotentJelly13 − NTA. Everyone thought it, you said it. Sorry not sorry. You, hopefully, communicated in a way to not hurt anyone’s feelings and you also said she’s comfortable with her weight so it shouldn’t be an issue.

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You’re not gonna get much love here, I suspect, but I totally understand your point. This isn’t just a day at the pool, it’s someone else’s special thing and the focus should be on them. Tough spot to be in so good luck!

IamELMstreet − If it is just to properly prepare for the brides time, NTA. IF the bride agrees with you (if not, Y T A) then instead of an intervention (which would make Y T A) instead have the bride choose a color/style for you all to match and go shopping together for that.

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These Reddit waves carry strong currents, but do they miss Tori’s perspective or the bride’s needs? Is the OP’s plan a lifeline or a low blow?

This yacht party saga ripples with tension over body image, friendship, and a bride’s big day. The OP’s push for a “flattering” bikini aims to shield Tori and the event from drama, but risks wounding a friend’s confidence. Reddit’s divided, torn between empathy for Tori’s feelings and the bride’s spotlight. Was the OP’s idea a misstep or a fair call? Have you navigated body image clashes with friends? What would you do to keep the party afloat? Dive into the comments below and keep the convo surging!

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