AITA for asking my friend to stop the way she shows off her “before” shots when she’s refashioning my clothes?

In a cozy apartment filled with vibrant fabrics, a plus-sized fashionista’s generous offer to her friend Katie took a sour turn. Handing over clothes for Katie’s refashioning hobby seemed like a win-win—until Katie’s Instagram “before” shots, dripping with exaggerated grimaces and mocking poses, hit like a punch to the gut. Tagged in posts that felt like fat-shaming, the giver’s excitement curdled into hurt, setting the stage for a friendship fray.

This Reddit saga spins a tale of creativity clashing with sensitivity, where one woman’s art becomes another’s insult. The decision to halt the clothes supply sparked a fiery response, raising questions about respect and boundaries. With raw emotions and a dash of social media drama, this story pulls readers into a vibrant clash of kindness, creativity, and the sting of feeling mocked.

‘AITA for asking my friend to stop the way she shows off her “before” shots when she’s refashioning my clothes?’

I am a plus sized gal who is really into fashion. I usually donate my clothes unless I can resell them. My friend Katie is really into “refashioning” clothes from thrift stores. She buys plus sized clothes and then alters them into her size with a lot of other changes, like making them into crop tops or mini skirts or things. It’s a really popular creative thing to do.

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Well she asked me if she could have first pick of my clothes because I’m actually larger than what she usually finds, and it’ll give her more material to work with. I said sure and would let her pick through my stuff I didn’t want, but asked her to tag me in her posts and point people to my shop where I sell the “nicer” things.

She started showing off her refashion stuff on Instagram and I was excited… until I saw the way she did it. In Katie’s before shots she makes these really exaggerated grossed out faces where she’s draped in the oversized clothes. Or she’ll do that face where she blows out her cheeks and holds the clothes out as wide as she can and does a cross-eyed expression.

It’s really obvious to the viewer that she’s trying to “mimic” a really overweight person… like me. When I saw that, my stomach dropped and I just couldn’t shake the bad feeling it gave me. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and asked her why she was making those expressions in the before shots, and she said she just thought it was funny.

I told her that to be honest, it felt hurtful, as I’m the one who gave her the clothes and it looks like she’s just straight up making fun of me and my body, especially since she tags me. She told me that I’m being hypersensitive. I asked her to please just not make those faces.

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She told me something like “After you give me the clothes they aren’t yours anymore, so you aren’t really in the position to tell me what to do.” I thought about that for a while and in the end I did agree, if I give her the clothes they’re hers to do whatever she wants with. So my solution is that I’m just not going to give her anymore of my clothes.

I told her that and she blew up on me, telling me that I’m just looking for a reason to be offended and if I’m this insecure, I should be working on bettering myself. AITA for asking her to stop what she was doing in the first place, since I'd given her the clothes? **I just wanted to thank everyone for the responses. I didn't expect this to blow up.**

I want to reiterate that I don't think her refashioning plus sized clothes is the issue. A lot of people do it and it's great to use items before they just end up in the landfill. Plus for everyone saying she should just go buy fabric like everyone else, good apparel fabric is so expensive in comparison to what you can find at the thrift shop.

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Navigating friendships can feel like threading a needle when personal expression clashes with sensitivity. The poster’s decision to stop giving clothes to Katie, who used mocking “before” shots to showcase her refashioning, reflects a deeper issue of respect. Katie’s exaggerated poses, mimicking an overweight body, stung the poster, especially with tags linking back to her. The dismissal of her concerns as “hypersensitivity” only widened the rift.

Body image is a sensitive topic, particularly for plus-sized individuals facing societal stigma. Katie’s actions, though possibly meant as humor, tapped into harmful stereotypes about larger bodies. Her refusal to adjust, coupled with blaming the poster’s “insecurity,” shows a lack of empathy, turning a creative project into a personal jab. The poster’s choice to set a boundary by withholding clothes was a natural response to feeling disrespected.

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Dr. Linda Bacon, a body image expert, notes, “Humor that targets body size often reinforces shame, intentional or not, and can fracture trust in relationships.” Katie’s posts, while creative, leaned on caricature, undermining the poster’s generosity. This highlights a broader issue: social media often amplifies insensitivity under the guise of “fun,” especially when body size is involved.

To move forward, the poster did well to voice her discomfort, but Katie’s defensiveness suggests a strained friendship. A candid conversation about intent versus impact could help, though the poster’s boundary is valid. This story reminds us to weigh how our actions, even creative ones, affect those we care about, ensuring self-expression doesn’t come at another’s expense.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit users rallied behind the poster, slamming Katie’s mocking posts as tactless and cruel. Many saw her exaggerated poses as fat-shaming, especially hurtful given the poster’s generosity. Others called out Katie’s dismissal of the concerns, noting that true friends apologize and adapt when they’ve caused pain, rather than doubling down.

The consensus was clear: Katie’s behavior crossed a line, and the poster’s decision to stop sharing clothes was a fair response. The community’s outrage underscores how quickly creative freedom can turn toxic when it mocks others, especially on a public stage like Instagram.

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Striking_Description − NTA. Katie made the very excellent point that once those clothes were hers she could do what she likes with them. You took that logic to the next step and decided the clothes wouldn't BE hers. Perfectly reasonable. And I'm sorry your friend is a jerk.

hraedon − NTA. You're under no obligation to give her your things, and her unwillingness to accommodate a reasonable request ('don't grossly caricature plus sized people as a 'fun' way to advertise your refashioning') is a good reason to end this arrangement.. Her reaction to your decision is a good reason to reevaluate the friendship, frankly.

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Sweet_Baby_Grogu − NTA. A good friend, when told they're doing something that hurts the other friend, apologizes and stops. They don't blame the friend for being hurt by something that is honestly, pretty rude. She's not making a 'funny face,' she's being rude and insulting.

needsomevalidation − NTA, it’s already difficult enough for plus-size people to find affordable and cute clothing that fits them, and she doesn’t have to dehumanize those people by acting like it’s so disgusting to actually be that size. It actually doesn’t really matter where she got the particular item from, she’s still sending a message that it’s gross and weird for larger people to... need larger clothes? For them to exist? And that is an AH move.

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Aleira7 − NTA She can frame it however she wants, but she's getting likes/views at your expense. It is an awful lot of gall expect someone to give you something, and then make fun of them using what they have you.

icebluefrost − NTA — Katie might be creative, but she definitely doesn’t sound like a very nice person, or like she cares about or respects you. I’d rethink this friendship.

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[Reddit User] − NTA and I hate all of this. Imagine making fun of people who wear bigger sizes clothing and your excuse is well I own the clothes so...? Your friend's behaviour is horrible.

She is very clearly making fun of everyone who wears bigger clothes and the fact that she tried to justify herself rather than listening to you saying you feel hurt is really unempathetic. Please do stop giving her clothes and also cut her off. She sounds like a toxic and terrible 'friend'.

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elhyland − Well before you give them to her, they're your clothes. She's really not in any position to tell you what to do with them. NTA, it was a reasonable request, she sounds like an entitled p**ck. She expects free handouts but can't honor a simple request to stop mocking you?

greenwitchy − NTA. i refashion clothes sometimes (i have a lot of personal rules around what i will/will not use when i do this) and the dramatic/exaggerated facial expressions i've seen on other people who do it really bothers me.

all she had to do was take a 'before' picture of the garment on the floor, or draped over a chair or something. she went out of her way to show how 'enormous' the clothing was, which is just... gross.

Hellokayhi − NTA your friend is way out of line mocking you after you did something nice

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This tale of clothes and crossed lines shows how a friend’s creativity can cut deep when it lacks care. The poster’s stand to withhold her clothes was a bold move to protect her dignity, proving boundaries matter.

A heartfelt talk might mend things, but respect must lead the way. How would you handle a friend whose “art” felt like a jab? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this conversation sewing along!

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