AITA for asking my family to not make loud noises around my girlfriend and getting pissed when they didn’t?

In a festive swirl of a niece’s birthday party, a 23-year-old man hoped to share family joy with his girlfriend, whose trauma makes sudden loud noises unbearable. He secured their promise to avoid balloon pops, a courtesy once extended to his veteran grandfather. Yet, cruel jabs and deliberate bangs shattered the peace, sending his girlfriend to the ER with a panic-induced asthma attack.

His fiery exit left family ties strained and accusations flying. This Reddit tale balloons into a gripping story of trauma, respect, and betrayal, where family fun turned into a test of loyalty. Let’s pop into this drama and explore what it reveals about empathy and boundaries.

‘AITA for asking my family to not make loud noises around my girlfriend and getting pissed when they didn’t?’

My family (23M) is very close and we regularly gather together for birthdays, anniversaries, etc. My grandfather passed away earlier this year and he was a veteran. He didn't like loud noises because of his war trauma, so our family was very used to not popping balloons, crackers or fireworks around him.

My girlfriend (19F) also really hates loud sounds due to her traumatic childhood. I invited her to my niece's birthday party, and I asked my family in advance not to pop any balloons around her because of her trauma. I didn't specify what it was because that's not my information to share.

They all were pretty annoyed about it but agreed to keep the loud sounds to a minimum for her. We also agreed that my gf and I would leave before the party ended so we wouldn't be around when the kids began to pop all the balloons so in that way they'd still get to have fun.

When we got there, my family was making some mean jokes about how me asking them to keep the noise down for my gf was an insult to my grandfather's war trauma. I told them to cut it out, and after that things were running smooth for the next two hours.

I have to clarify here that my girlfriend is in therapy and she's slowly getting over her fear of loud noises but she can't bare too much of them in one go. After that, my cousin (21M) purposely popped a balloon near her. She was startled, but she laughed it off and moved away from him.

He and other family members, however, took her reaction to mean that I was over-exaggerating about her trauma. More people started 'accidentally' popping balloons around her, mostly when I wasn't with her, and she ended up having a panic attack that transformed into a bad asthma attack and I drove her to the ER because we didn't have her inhaler with us.

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As I was leaving, I basically blew up at my mother who had also popped some balloons. I said that my family had all coordinated this to test how much of the popping my girlfriend could handle and purposely triggered her trauma.

My mother replied with that I was being selfish to expect them to accommodate her and that I was being disrespectful to my grandfather by expecting them to continue the no popping rule made for him for my girlfriend. She also said I was being an a**hole and I wasn't invited back to any events if I didn't apologize. AITA?

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This party fiasco exposes a shocking lack of empathy in dismissing trauma. The man’s request was reasonable, mirroring accommodations made for his grandfather’s PTSD. His family’s coordinated balloon-popping was not a prank but a cruel test, invalidating his girlfriend’s condition and escalating her distress to a medical emergency.

Trauma specialist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk notes in The Body Keeps the Score, “Trauma triggers are universal, not exclusive to veterans, and require respect.” Studies show 70% of people with PTSD experience heightened sensitivity to sensory triggers, like loud noises. The family’s comparison to the grandfather’s trauma is a false hierarchy that weaponizes grief.

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The man’s anger was justified; his family owes an apology and education on trauma. He should prioritize his girlfriend’s safety, possibly limiting family contact until respect is shown.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit exploded like a balloon barrage with this one—imagine a family gathering turned courtroom! Most rallied behind the man, condemning his family’s callous actions.

MentionAlternative68 − NTA and I'm shocked at some of these replies. You made a request, they agreed to it, and then purposely went against that for shits and giggles. PTSD isn't just for war vets, it does not stand for post traumatic war disorder. Trauma is trauma.

mc2banks3352 − The whole 'respecting her PTSD is disrespectful to your grandfather's PTSD' sounds a whole lot like the argument 'allowing gay marraige is disrespectful to straight marraige' -- that is, full of crap. NTA.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your family is a group of assholes though. They coordinated to deliberately TORTURE someone. They drove her to needing the ER. Your family is used to not doing that crap due to your grandfather, but now since it’s only your girlfriend it’s ok?. No it’s not.. Please go no contact with them as long as you are with girlfriend. Even then, maintain a strict distance.

ndgjj − What the heck is wrong with these people? Would they deliberately give someone something they were allergic to just to see how much triggered them?. Also, how dare they appoint themselves trauma judges, deciding what level of trauma is more or less valid.

If the family parties can't be a safe space, I wouldn't go and wouldn't give it a second thought. We can visit the day before/after when its safe. Edit: Also, may be some ageism happening. Would they act the same if you and gf were your mother's age? Minimising or discrediting young people's experiences is very common.

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Fuzzy-Constant − NTA your family sound like psychos.

miyuki_m − NTA. It's good that you stood up for your GF. Your family behaved cruelly. Seriously, you told them she had trauma and not only did they completely dismiss it, they decided to 'prove' it wasn't valid. They apparently feel no shame about putting her in the emergency room either. Them not inviting you to any events until you apologize for being upset that they traumatized your GF is nothing more than the trash taking itself out.

[Reddit User] − ALSO, I don't understand why in a party you should have to pop balloons. I've been to hundreds of children parties and it's loud, kids scream, the music is in high volume etc. But what is the necessity to pop balloons? Wtf.

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Automatic_Time9227 − Hate to break it to you but your family sucks bro, especially your mom. That being said, why would you take your gf who is triggered by loud noises to a child's birthday party? Sounds like you could have easily avoided this whole thing

ziggystarpups − NTA. How is it your family can comprehend the auditory triggers for PTSD for a war veteran but not that it can translate to any other person with a trauma history? All you can do is ask for folks to try their best to be conscientious about minimizing triggers,

sometimes loud noises happen, especially with children who have significantly less self control/understanding of the request. The fact your family has an intimate understanding of PTSD triggers and purposefully decided to trigger your Gf makes them insanely unbearable AHs.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. The problem isn't that they made noise, the problem is that they intentionally went out of their way to do exactly the thing that you asked them not to do.. Your family owes her the most abject of apologies.

But do these Reddit roars hit the mark, or are they just inflating the drama?

This birthday party betrayal blends care with cruelty, where a man’s plea for his girlfriend’s comfort was mocked with dangerous consequences. His fury was fair, but was his family’s gatekeeping of trauma too deep to bridge? Empathy should unite, not divide. What would you do when family tests a loved one’s limits? Share your thoughts—have you faced a clash over respecting someone’s triggers?

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