AITA for asking my employee to show up at their scheduled time?

Jonathan Hours
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In a cozy home kitchen, where the scent of rising dough promises fresh bread, a family bond teeters on the edge. A 30-year-old bakery owner, juggling her business and her fiancée’s mother as her primary baker, faces a storm over something as simple as time. Offering flexibility, she let her employee—her future mother-in-law—set her own hours, but chronic lateness baked a recipe for tension that no one saw coming.

When a delayed arrival left the oven hot and the owner pitching in, what seemed like a practical move sparked an unexpected clash. The mother’s pride flared, accusations flew, and a once-warm relationship turned frosty. As the owner retreated upstairs in tears, readers can’t help but feel the sting of her confusion: how does a request for punctuality unravel a family tie? This tale of workplace woes and family drama begs the question: where’s the line between boss and kin?

‘AITA for asking my employee to show up at their scheduled time?’

I (30f) own a bakery business. My financee’s mother (65f) works for me as the primary baker. I offer a flexible schedule and told her she could pick the hours she would like to work. Prep takes place in a kitchen set up within my home. Every week she tells me what day and time she would like to come do her baking prep work.

Every week she has been late and I have never complained to her about it or made any comments. A few days ago she told me she would come bake at 4:30pm start. Not a problem. I got off work around 3:30 and began prepping dough for her to bake on her arrival. I turned my oven on around 4pm because it takes a while to heat up.

At 4:20 she texted me she was going to dinner and would come by after. She did not give a time of arrival. I didn’t say anything to her about it. I didn’t complain. I had the oven on and time to kill so I just started doing some of the prep to get ahead of the game. I figured since she was going to be late, I might as well utilize the time I had. Financee’s mom showed up at 5:58.

When she got there she asked why I was baking. I said I just figured I could get ahead of the game rather then let the dough sit. She asked me if I had a problem with her being late. I said I have no issues, I would just appreciate if the next time she could give me 24 hour notice of when she plans to come work so I can plan accordingly.

She then said that SHE had an issue with it. I asked what she meant. She told me it was insulting that I began her job. I told her I didn’t mean any ill will by it, I was just trying to use the time I had. She told me she just wanted to get the work done and we would talk about it later.

I gave it a couple hours and went back into the kitchen to ask if she could take a quick break and we could discuss the issue because I’d like to find a resolution if possible. I asked her how she was feeling. She told me “if I think there’s issues then I should speak first” I said “well I said I had no issues, you were the one who said you had a problem and I’m just trying to understand.”

She told me again it was insulting that I started her job. She said that I told her she could pick her own hours, and if I have different expectations to communicate them. I said “I don’t have a problem with you picking your own hours. I am just asking that you could let me know when you plan to come, and arrive at that time so I can plan accordingly.”

To this she said to me “well, this is how I feel. I’m not the one for this job. You are the way you are and you can find someone else.” My financee was in the other room listening and was as confused as I was. I went upstairs and cried. I have been close with my financee’s mom for years and have never had any sort of argument or disagreement. We have only ever had a very positive relationship.. AITA? I’m so confused.

Workplace dynamics get messy when family’s involved, and this bakery tale proves it. The OP, a bakery owner, offered her fiancée’s mother flexibility to choose her hours, but consistent lateness—culminating in a nearly 90-minute delay—pushed her to start the baking herself. The mother’s reaction, feeling insulted and quitting, shows a clash of expectations: the OP wanted reliability, while the mother saw her role as untouchable due to their personal tie.

This reflects a broader issue: mixing family and business often blurs professional boundaries. A 2022 Harvard Business Review study found 70% of family-run businesses face conflicts due to unclear roles. Dr. Amy Gallo, a workplace dynamics expert, advises, “Clear communication of expectations is critical in family businesses to prevent resentment”. Here, the OP’s failure to address the lateness early enabled the mother’s entitlement, escalating the conflict.

Gallo’s advice suggests the OP could have set firm boundaries from the start, like written schedules or consequences for tardiness. Moving forward, hiring a non-family baker or formalizing the mother’s role with clear terms could prevent repeat issues. The OP’s request for punctuality was reasonable, but her hesitation to enforce it fueled the fallout.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s serving up some spicy takes on this bakery drama, and they’re not holding back! From calls to “be a boss” to sympathy for the OP’s predicament, the community’s got plenty to say. Here’s a taste of their unfiltered reactions:

LoveBeach8 − ESH If you're going to be a boss then BE A BOSS! You're literally letting her call the shots, telling you what to do and not caring that she's often late. Would you ever let any other employee do that to you, risking your business?

She's taking advantage of you. She's disrespectful and rude. Please learn from this. You've given her free rein and it's bitten you in the ass. Next time, hire someone more responsible and pay them accordingly, preferably someone not related to you.

peachypapayas − Honestly, part of the problem here is you pretending there was no issue. It doesn’t make you an a**hole but you’re on the road to being a doormat. By the way, your future MIL knows she was in the wrong and she tried to provoke you into saying something. She doesn’t really care that you started working before she got there. NTA.

NYDancer4444 − “Every week she has been late and I have never complained to her about it or made any comments”. Well, you should have. Your expectations should have been clearly set, and you should have addressed this with her the first time she was late. Nicely, of course.

You gave her too much free reign, which is why it turned into this situation. You’re asking if you’re TA for asking her to show up at her scheduled time. Of course you’re not, but it should have been a requirement from the very start. Communication is key!

PlantManMD − Time to find a new primary baker. It's not a real job to her.

Lisbei − Just call her future MIL - having to read ‘financee’ multiple times is making my brain hurt.. It’s fiancé if male, fiancée if female, seriously. My phone autocorrects to one or the other. Also, you don’t have an employee problem, you have a MIL problem- she thinks as she’s family, the rules don’t count for her. Also, she said she doesn’t want to work for you anymore, so problem solved, I guess.

Cangal39 − ESH her for not showing up when she said she would, and you for letting it slide repeatedly.

OldMetalHead − Flexible hours doesn't mean she commits to a time and then changes it last minute, especially when you need to prepare for her. NTA

Sir_Prized − NTA. Very entitled behaviour to expect the world to stop for you while you are running late, even for social gatherings people commonly say “don’t wait up” if they are super late to not inconvenience others. But here we are talking about a business, one I assume she was remunerated for.

You have been extremely flexible with her yet she is not taking any responsibility, instead heaping blame on you.  Very inappropriate behaviour, and OP you’re definitely NTA. Confusing as to why she acted this way, maybe she was embarrassed and felt vulnerable that her lateness led to you doing her role? Sometimes when people feel vulnerable they lash out, it’s the only thing I can think of

Ratchet_gurl24 − Sorry you’re having to deal with this. First and foremost. This is a business. Your mil is your employee. You were gracious enough to let her choose her own hours. She then proceeded to treat her agreed upon work hours as optional. She knows all aspects of her job, and knows the prep work needed beforehand.

When she eventually turned up 90 minutes later, she expected you not to question her.  (She asked if you had a problem with her being late) she was daring you to challenge her on her disrespect. You didn’t. She then proceeded to play the victim and kept being disrespectful towards you, causing an unpleasant atmosphere..

If she had acted like this in any other workplace towards her boss, she would be reprimanded, possibly fired. Do not feel guilty because she was out of line and unreasonable. Do not apologise to her if she expects you to. You did nothing wrong.

warclonex − NTA,. its true you need to find someone else though

These opinions are hot out of the oven, but do they get to the heart of the issue—or just add more heat? One thing’s clear: Reddit’s got no patience for flaky employees, family or not.

This bakery saga is a reminder that even the sweetest setups can sour without clear boundaries. The OP’s simple ask for punctuality turned into a family feud, leaving her questioning a once-close bond. Whether you’re Team OP or think she should’ve been firmer sooner, the lesson stands: mixing family and work needs a recipe for respect. What would you do if your employee was family and always late? Drop your thoughts below and let’s stir up the conversation!

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