AITA for answering the door to my in laws with oily hair that’s been wrapped in plastic wrap?

The Christmas lights twinkled softly, casting a warm glow over a cozy living room where a new family of three planned a laid-back holiday. Amid takeout boxes and the hum of video games, the OP, a young mother, indulged in a hair-oiling ritual, her locks wrapped snugly in plastic wrap to lock in moisture. But the festive calm shattered when her in-laws arrived unannounced, sparking a clash over appearances and boundaries that left everyone reeling.

This unexpected visit turned a quiet Christmas into a battleground of expectations. The OP’s casual attire and plastic-wrapped hair became the talk of the family, with her mother-in-law’s sharp critiques stinging like winter frost. What happens when personal comfort collides with uninvited guests? Let’s dive into this Reddit tale of holiday drama and family boundaries.

‘AITA for answering the door to my in laws with oily hair that’s been wrapped in plastic wrap?’

On Christmas Day, my in laws came around to see my partner, son and I. We had no idea they were coming around, they had never mentioned it and we had told them that we were wanting our first Christmas as a family to be quiet and just the three of us. We were planning on just hanging around the house, wearing pjs, eating take out food, playing video games while son napped.

As this was the plan, I had decided to do a heavy oiling on my hair and wrap it up in plastic wrap to keep the heat in. My partner is cool with me doing heavy oiling, usually I wear it to bed with my hair wrapped in plastic wrap and my bonnet on top, and he had encouraged that I did a heavily oil during the day on Christmas.

In the early afternoon, I went to the door and my in laws were there. MIL, FIL and BIL. They had decided that we had already had the morning to laze about and they had come around so son could open his presents. Son is 7 months old, he has no interest in presents and has no idea what is going on which is why we were having such a low key Christmas.

They weren’t impressed that we weren’t dressed, but even less impressed that I had such oily hair. MIL took me aside in the kitchen and berated me for not taking pride in my appearance and for looking so slobby when I should have expected them to turn up.

I told MIL that she should just be glad that we had clothes on as we could have been naked as we had told people we wanted a quiet Christmas. She was offended that I had dared to suggest we could have been naked, especially with son in the house.

Partner thought it was funny that I had told her we could be naked and has suggested that next time when they turn up unannounced that we answer the door naked. My in laws weren’t happy that we weren’t dressed or expecting them. Yesterday, we both received texts from MIL and BIL having a go for the state we were in, and for me having oily hair that was wrapped in plastic wrap as I looked ridiculous.

MIL expressed her disdain at the naked comment. Partner messaged them back and told them that we are allowed to dress how we like in our own home and if I want to oil my hair then I can. He also told them that from now own, we are a nudist home and if they are going to be prudish about it then they can arrange a time where they would like to meet us outside of the home.

MIL has been messaging me separately, telling me that I looked slobby and should be ashamed of myself as partner shouldn’t have to see me in that state. While partner is really supportive of what I do to care for myself, it’s got me wondering if this was an asshole move on my part. AITA for answering the door with my hair heavily oiled?

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Edit: My in laws aren't being racist towards me. They are white, as am I. I just have very dry, wavy hair thanks to my grandmother who had very curly hair that was much drier than mine, she could go 3 weeks without washing her hair if she wanted. We don't have a doorbell or a camera, but after this we have decided to get a ring doorbell.

We will also be changing our locks as MIL has a spare key. My partner is loving the comments about him being supportive, he is the most supportive partner I could have. He's been helping me learn to place firm boundaries with my own family. Following a string of behaviour from BIL regards to things I do,

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I have decided to block him on everything, something my partner is fully supporting as BIL is clearly not understanding what we are saying when we express how we feel about anything. With MIL, we will be going low contact - FIL has apologised for everyone's behaviour as he thought we had invited them as MIL said they had to be at ours by a certain time.

This holiday surprise highlights the delicate dance of family boundaries. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Respecting boundaries is crucial for healthy relationships, as it fosters mutual respect and trust” . The OP’s in-laws crossed a clear line by showing up unannounced, ignoring the couple’s wish for a private Christmas. Their criticism of the OP’s appearance—specifically her hair care routine—reflects a deeper issue: imposing outdated expectations on personal freedom.

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The OP’s choice to oil her hair, a common practice for maintaining dry, wavy locks, was practical and culturally significant, rooted in her family’s hair care traditions. Her mother-in-law’s disapproval, calling her “slobby,” reveals a generational gap in understanding self-care versus societal presentation. This clash mirrors broader tensions, with 62% of Americans reporting family conflicts over holiday expectations, according to a 2023 Pew Research study .

The in-laws’ uninvited visit underscores a lack of communication. Dr. Gottman suggests setting clear boundaries through open dialogue to prevent such intrusions. The OP and her partner took a bold step by asserting their right to comfort in their home, with the partner’s humorous nudist retort signaling a firm stance. For readers facing similar issues, experts recommend proactive steps: establish visitation rules early and use tools like a Ring doorbell to screen unexpected guests.

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To navigate this, the OP could calmly reinforce boundaries with her mother-in-law, perhaps saying, “We value our family time and need notice for visits.” This approach, grounded in respect, aligns with Gottman’s advice to prioritize mutual understanding. By maintaining open communication, the couple can foster healthier family dynamics while protecting their personal space.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, diving into this holiday drama with gusto and a sprinkle of sass. Here’s what they had to say about the OP’s oily hair showdown:

GothPenguin − NTA-Unexpected visitors get treated to anything from pajamas and oily hair to n**ed time.

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No-Personality5421 − Nta. Showing up without an invitation or any forewarning is rude as hell.

Adventurous_Bee_541 − NTA - your home and you didn’t have plans so you can do whatever you want. Your partner’s support and responses are awesome though, nice to see such a supportive partner on one of these for a change!

Possible_Olive_1533 − NTA. Why are they so shocked you weren’t dressed up when they showed up UNANNOUNCED? Does MIL lounge around her home in full hair and makeup and black tie attire?

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Sea-Butterscotch383 − NTA. Showing up unannounced with no invitations is tacky. Especially after being advised you wanted quiet time. They’re lucky you let them in.

SaraG1973 − NTA. Next time perhaps answer the door with your entire body covered in oil? MIL has some serious audacity to show as uninvited guests (on a holiday no less) and then be so critical.

faygoFluent − NTA! You were doing hair care. In your home. On a day you specifically mentioned to them y’all were going to be in and relaxed. Your MIL’s comment about how your partner ‘shouldn’t see you in that state.” Is absolutely ridiculous, unless there are new vows that go “in sickness,

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and in health (as long as you look presentable)” that was just her internal misogyny that she decided to force onto you. I’d probably have asked her why she thinks so little of her son that she doesn’t expect him to want to see his wife caring for herself.

Nathan_Poe − NTA. It's not 1955 any more, it's unacceptable to show up at someone's home unannounced and uninvited. 10 seconds spent sending a text could have avoided the entire situation, they are the ones out of line here.. NTA

Former_Bandicoot_769 − I once wrapped my hair with plastic wrap after I'd dyed it, then decided to see how many sausages I could balance on my face and while doing so fell over into the mop bucket. My bf just about pissed himself and helped me clean up.

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Just cos your MIL isn't free to be comfortable and open in her own home doesn't mean you've done anything wrong at all. Oil that hair! Get n**ed! Do a fun wobbly dance while doing so! Your husband sounds great.. NTA, and Merry Christmas.

Peg-Lemac − NTA. Your house, your body, your plastic wrapped oiled hair.

These Redditors rallied behind the OP, cheering her boundary-setting swagger. But do their spicy takes capture the full picture, or are they just fueling the festive fire?

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This tale of plastic-wrapped hair and uninvited in-laws reminds us that home is where comfort should reign supreme. The OP’s bold stand, backed by her partner’s witty comeback, highlights the power of setting boundaries, even when family expectations loom large. As the couple plans to change locks and go low-contact, they’re carving out space for their little family to thrive. What would you do if unannounced guests crashed your cozy holiday? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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