AITA for agreeing with my family’s unhappiness about my cousins pregnancy?

Jonathan Hours
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In a cramped studio apartment, a 28-year-old woman clutches three tiny onesies, her face falling as her cousin delivers a hard truth. Pregnant with triplets, she’d hoped her Christmas Eve reveal would spark joy, but her family’s stunned silence spoke volumes. With no savings, a deadbeat dad, and a broken car, her dreams of a “miracle” clash with stark reality, leaving her feeling betrayed.

This Reddit tale captures a family’s clash over love, practicality, and unspoken expectations. Readers can sense the cousin’s heartbreak and the family’s fear. Was the reality check too harsh, or just what she needed?

‘AITA for agreeing with my family’s unhappiness about my cousins pregnancy?’

My (31f) younger cousin (28f) recently found out she is pregnant. She is really excited. But…she found out she is having triplets… the dad (45m) is a real piece of work and won’t be in the picture (and can’t offer financial support), she doesn’t make very much money and she has no savings.

I myself have 2 kids and even with the financial and emotional support of my partner it can be very stressful. Over the past few weeks I’ve gently tried to tell her that it may not be green pastures ahead. She doesn’t even have a functional car right now. It’s like her head is stuck in the sand and she’s only talking about how amazing it will be, how blessed she is, how it’s a miracle, how she’ll just “figure it out.”

On Christmas Eve she surprised the rest of the family with the news after doing a big surprise scavenger hunt that led to 3 onesies. Her mom already knew but told grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. She didn’t get the reaction she was hoping for.

Some people told her she should consider her options like adoption or a**rtion (even though some are very conservative and pro life), some talked to her about how hard this will be, asked about how she will afford this, wanted to know what support the dad would be giving, etc. It was not very celebratory. I could tell she was upset and she left early.

I went to talk to her this morning in her (studio) apartment. I told her I was sorry for everyone’s reaction but that I could see where the family was coming from and that they just wanted the best for her and were concerned. I asked her what she expected the reaction to be and she told me she thought everyone would rally together to help her now and to offer a bunch of help once the babies arrived.

She expected financial support too. I told her that she can’t rely on others like that and she will likely have to figure a lot of this out on her own if she goes through with it. She told me that I’m horrible, that our family is terrible and that we all deserve each other and that unless she gets our support she’ll cut us all out. Then she told me to leave.

In some ways I think it is a reality check, but the more I think about it, I also know how overwhelming it is to be pregnant and I am sorry that she didn’t get any happy reactions or offers of support. Especially because in the past, other family members have gotten very happy family reactions when sharing their pregnancies. AITA for agreeing with the rest of our family?

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This family’s chilly reaction isn’t just about dampening a celebration—it’s a raw reflection of practical fears clashing with blind optimism. The cousin’s excitement for her triplets is understandable, but her expectation of family-funded support ignores the immense challenges ahead. Raising triplets as a single, low-income parent is daunting, especially without a reliable partner or savings.

Dr. Elizabeth Dunn, a psychologist studying financial stress, notes, “Unplanned pregnancies, especially multiples, can strain resources and relationships, often requiring clear boundaries” . With triplets, the cousin faces a 70% chance of preterm birth, often requiring costly NICU care . The family’s concerns, while blunt, stem from realism, not cruelty.

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This highlights a broader issue: navigating family support for tough choices. The cousin’s threat to cut ties suggests denial, but the family’s delivery lacked tact. Suggesting adoption or abortion, especially from conservative relatives, likely deepened her isolation. The OP’s private talk was a step toward honesty, but empathy could’ve softened the blow.

For solutions, the cousin should explore government programs like Medicaid or WIC for healthcare and nutrition support (source). Family could offer emotional encouragement or limited help, like childcare, while setting clear boundaries.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of tough love and practical advice. Here’s what they had to say about this family fallout.

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thegloracle - NTA. This poor girl is delusional and seems to make a lot of bad choices. The family members are being realistic and practical. They don't want to finance this girl's bad choices, either. How incredibly sad for her.

[Reddit User] - NTA. She says she will go NC but I promise you she will remember everyone's phone number when she needs financial assistance. You did the right thing by talking to her privately and gently about the realities. If she keeps the babies then she will find that out quickly enough.

AITAobsession - NTA - but your cousin in going to get a hell of a reality check. Since she’s having triplets, she is basically guaranteed to have her children in the NICU due to prematurity. She’d be incredibly lucky if this didn’t happen.

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Caring for 3 newborns is going to take more than one person, and it doesn’t sound like she understands this. She can’t just assume family is going to financially support her and be her full time Nannies. That isn’t realistic. Her life is about to get real hard.

kazbrekkerismylove - NTA Some people are not ready to be parents and she seems like she's one of them, especially with triplets and no father in the picture. I feel bad for those babies once they come into this world because they're going to go through stuff that's for sure.

Existing_Ad_5556 - NTA. Just trying to bring her back to reality in her studio apartment. She is trying to think of ways to get by, and it is easier to talk oneself into believing everyone in the family will participate in the raising of triplets.

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She is kidding herself right now and living in a fantasy world. She lashed out when you popped the fantasy bubble. The more she thinks about it, the more she will realize you are correct. That doesn't mean she'll forgive you, though.

Graves_Digger - ESH. You don't ever tell someone to get an a**rtion or to adopt their children out. That is a very personal decision. She absolutely should not expect financial support from the family, but some emotional support might be nice. But she will clearly not be getting either.

Loud_Eye_7141 - ESH. I struggle with your family telling her to put children up adoption or a**rtion. When it’s very obvious that she wants to keep the children. In my family my step daughter is about to have twins at 19 with a dead beat who is four years younger than me, with multiple baby mamas. The first question her parents and I asked is what is your plan.

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She shared her plan, & a lot of it including us helping her. We’ve told her what we are willing to do & what we aren’t willing to do. She’s unhappy with us. I think your approach was appropriate. I think your cousin in being unrealistic about the expectations and is in for rude awakening. I do think your family is in no win situation. If you live in USA.

I would suggest finding out about section 8 housing or income based housing. She needs to check into food stamps. Her children will qualify for WIC program. If she doesn’t have insurance, she needs to do Medicaid/ Medicare program. Her children will be delivered early and they’ll qualify for early childhood programs, where they can offer speech, OT, PT and developmental therapy all is free until age 3 for children.

Will it be difficult yes, but she needs to start researching local government programs that help people in this situation. She should see if she’ll qualify for daycare vouchers & she uses the time to better herself like going back to school so she can get a better paying job or just go to the work. She may need to make the hard choice to move away from your family, so can get a better job.

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Agitated-Routine4060 - Nta she needed a head check that these are her babies her responsiblity and no one elses

StraightJacketRacket - NTA and I think your family should all think about this and draw their lines in the sand now. And point blank tell her all the ways they *won't* be contributing. She needs to know upfront Mom doesn't have any extra cash to spare, Dad doesn't have a spare bedroom, sister's too busy to help babysit, Grandpa's too ill to handle little ones running around.

You are maxed out with your own life and won't come running when she is o**rwhelmed. All pregnancies are not blessings. Remember the recent vid of the grandma finding out her irresponsible kid is having a third child? Grandma knew she'd be expected to handle it when they couldn't handle the kids they already had.

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But yay every child is a blessing, right? Sometimes kids are a.burden and an imposition on others - even if you love them. Hell the love itself is sometimes a burden. That poor grandma had no say of course. She's just expected to sacrifice even more of her life. Cousin needs to know the limits of other people helping.

fantastictrees257 - NTA, it sounds like you were gentle with it by going over to her place and doing it away from others. you could’ve been more excited but ultimately it sounds like she needed a reality check.

From calling out the cousin’s delusions to suggesting social services, these takes are bold but grounded. Yet, do they capture the full complexity of this emotional mess, or are they just Reddit’s quick fixes?

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This story of a botched pregnancy reveal lays bare the tension between dreams and reality. The cousin’s hope for a village to raise her triplets crashed against her family’s fears, leaving hurt feelings all around. Was the family too harsh, or was their bluntness a needed wake-up call? What would you do if a loved one’s big news spelled trouble? Share your stories and advice below—how do you navigate tough family truths?

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