AITA for agreeing to a meal share agreement but refusing to cook when it was my turn?

A communal dinner plan among housemates sours when a woman, allergic to potatoes and tomatoes, faces three nights of inedible meals, from potato-laced pasta to fish with hidden flakes. Frustrated by her gluten-free and vegetarian housemates’ failure to check ingredients, she opts out of the meal share, refusing to cook her turn, sparking tension over fairness and effort.

This isn’t just a kitchen kerfuffle—it’s a clash of accountability and dietary respect. Her hunger-fueled exit draws Reddit’s support, though some urge a teaching moment. Like a dish gone cold, the story probes the delicate balance of shared living and the sting of being overlooked when allergies are at stake.

‘AITA for agreeing to a meal share agreement but refusing to cook when it was my turn?’

I live with three housemates, lets call them 'Hannah' 'Stacey' and 'Meg. We are all usually home Monday-Thursday, and it was suggested that to save money and have a communal event, that we share dinner those nights each of us taking turn to cook. Stacey is gluten free and vegetarian (the sort that eats fish and eggs and stuff, but not red meat or chicken)

ADVERTISEMENT

Hannah is also gluten free, I'm allergic to potatoes and tomatoes. When I raise we've got a few dietary requirements to consider Stacey agrees the no tomato thing will be a bit limiting, but is still encouraging saying 'half of us are gluten free, most things these days are vegetarian and how hard is it just not to eat a potato?'

I explain that potato is often used as a filler or an ingredient and you need to check for it.. We decide to go ahead. Monday Stacey makes potato bake with salad. She seems surprised I won't even try the potato bake, and doesn't seem to really get that being allergic to potatoes means I can't eat potato bake even if it's 'organic' 'gluten free' 'home made' and 'really yummy.

The salad is literally just lettuce and cucumber without dressing. Tuesday Meg makes crumbed fish and chips of the 'buy in a bag and chuck it in the oven variety.' She remembered the no potato thing and got some microwaveable vegetables for me instead of chips, but when I asked her if the fish contained potato I got a blank stare and a 'uh... it's fish, the box said gluten free?'

So I fished the box out of the bin and it contained potato flakes. I remind everyone again about checking ingredients. Wednesday Hannah makes gluten free pasta bake. It's not a tomato based sauce. I ask if she's checked the ingredients of the gluten free pasta and... nope. It has potato.

ADVERTISEMENT

There is literally only two ingredients in this pasta, chickpea and potato. She feels really bad and offers to make me something else, but I say it's fine and I'll just have cereal. But, it really isn't fine, because I haven't really had a meal any night. Individually, everything was understandable, but three nights in a row was just too much.

So Thursday morning I message everyone saying it's not working out, I don't want to do the meal share and I won't be cooking that night. I say I'm happy for them to still do the meal share, but that including me is just too difficult and it will be easier for all if I arrange for myself.

Hannah gets it, but thinks I should have given everyone a second chance and that I at least should have seen out my turn to cook. She said 'gluten free is easy because it says it on the box, but having to read ingredients isn't normal.'

ADVERTISEMENT

Stacey thinks I'm a straight up AH who didn't appreciate that she made a meal from scratch and then refused to cook for her because I 'didn't like what she made.' Meg doesn't care, but wouldn't take sides.

The woman’s withdrawal from the meal share was a reasonable response to her housemates’ repeated failure to accommodate her potato and tomato allergies, which left her hungry and sidelined. While their gluten-free and vegetarian diets were considered, her needs were dismissed, reflecting a lack of care or understanding about food allergies.

ADVERTISEMENT

A 2022 study in Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology found that 68% of individuals with food allergies report social exclusion due to others’ negligence in shared settings (Elsevier, 2022). Dr. Scott Sicherer, an allergist, notes, “Accommodating allergies requires diligence, like reading labels, to ensure safety and inclusion” (MountSinai.org). Stacey’s potato bake and the others’ oversight—despite her reminders—showed disregard, not just error, especially as two housemates manage their own restrictions.

Her decision not to cook, while abrupt, was justified after three inedible nights; cooking might have modeled safe meals but wasn’t owed given the pattern. Hannah’s call for a second chance ignores the cumulative impact, and Stacey’s accusation of ingratitude deflects her own negligence. Meg’s neutrality sidesteps accountability.

ADVERTISEMENT

She should propose a new plan with strict ingredient checks, like a shared allergy list on the fridge, or opt for individual meals with occasional group dinners (FoodAllergy.org). A house meeting to discuss mutual respect could reset dynamics. If resistance persists, preparing her own meals ensures safety.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s cooking up a storm of takes on this dinner disaster, with sharp support and a pinch of advice—dig into the heat!

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA but you guys really are the nightmare blunt rotation of communal cooking

k-lovegood − Why don’t you at least cook for your night so they can get an understanding of what you eat and it might help give them ideas about what to make on nights they cook? A second chance mightn’t hurt and maybe have a sign up about everyone’s dietary requirements on the fridge so no one forgets.

ADVERTISEMENT

thistreestands − NTA. You would think GF people would understand what's it's like to have a dietary restriction! Each subsequent person should have taken extra precaution considering what happened the previous night.. You should have taken your turn and made a hamburgers with buns!

[Reddit User] − NTA. I can't imagine it would be much fun to eat gluten-free, potato-free, tomato-free, veggetarian meals four days a week. Most gluten free items (that are mimicking their gluten counterparts) are made with potato. Hanna and Meg sound like they aren't the problem. Stacey sound clueless.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dizzy_Needleworker_3 − I think NTA but would be open to a second chance. It is 3 mistakes in a row but for 3 different people. The first one was silly made potatoes, but the last two were a bit more understandable, i would not have thought to check pasta or fish for potatoes ingredients. If they refuse to check going forward def. drop out, but if they agree to check I would give it another try.

magus424 − Ugh, those people. Don't agree to cook for people with allergies if you can't handle reading a f**king ingredient list!. NTA e: also I just noticed that Stacey was the one saying how hard is it not to eat a potato and then

ADVERTISEMENT

literally makes a potato bake* like wtf e2: if you'd been able to eat even 1 of the meals I'd have said to take your turn cooking before bailing, but 3 failures means you didn't get to participate anyway so you owe nothing lol

aliteralavocado − NTA. They failed to take your allergy into account every single night. That sucks and you don't owe them anything. However, you do still have to live with them. And the idea is still a nice one. In the interest of household harmony, wouldn't it be nice to cook tonight and use the opportunity to show them what to look for and what kinds of meals will work for everyone's needs?

ADVERTISEMENT

dublos − NTA.You don't dislike tomatoes and potatoes, you're allergic to them. That's entirely different and for you, having to read ingredients is just a normal part of keeping yourself safe.

maybenomaybe − NTA and it sounds like rotational group cooking just isn't going to work for your household. Specific dietary requirements don't mix well with people who can't remember them and who don't want to read labels.. You can still have a communal meal though, just everybody makes their own dish.

judgy_mcjudgypants − NTA. You gave them warning so they had time to find/arrange alternative. You didn't even do to them what they were doing to you (making food you can eat and they can't).

These are Reddit’s tastiest opinions, but do they serve the full recipe for harmony and health?

ADVERTISEMENT

This saga of a botched meal share and a woman’s hungry stand is a sharp lesson in respecting dietary needs under one roof. Reddit backs her exit, slamming her housemates’ carelessness while suggesting ways to salvage the plan.

It’s a vivid reminder that shared meals thrive on mutual care, not oversight. How would you handle housemates who ignore your allergies? Spill your thoughts below—let’s dish on this kitchen clash!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *